


Anticipate with Pleasing Expectation

by TooMuchTwisted



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Actual plot, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Bruises, Cheating, Eliza is so innocent omg, F/M, Family Drama, Family Feels, Fist Fights, Fluff, Gay John Laurens, Henry Laurens' A+ Parenting, Highschool AU, Homophobia, Homophobic family, Hook-Up, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Infidelity, Kinda, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Outing, Pressure to have sex, Rating May Change, Sharing a Bed, Sleeping Together, Slow Burn, Smut, Tags May Change, Texting, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, VERY brief smut, Warnings May Change, ace Lafayette, beaten up, fight, in the closet, plot heavy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-01-16 22:43:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 56,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21278954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooMuchTwisted/pseuds/TooMuchTwisted
Summary: Alex is a new student at Miranda Academy. He quickly falls into a group with some students that he grows quite fond of, and realises that highschool in America is somehow more dramatic than what he used to watch on TV.ORThe one where Alexander explores his sexuality and loyalty while trying to fight away people that would hurt his friends.Basically, another Hamilton Highschool AU that's plot heavy because I'm Lams trash.





	1. ONE

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a fanfic that I pledge I will finish. I'll finish "Guilty Instinct" with release of the new season, so if you know me from that then be aware that this is absolutely not a Rick and Morty fanfic lmao sorry. 
> 
> Anyway, this is a pretty lighthearted fic but there will be some warnings. Read tags! I don't want to give warnings before every chapter, so I'm going to be putting them all here and you can read through them and if there's something you're not okay with, you can choose not to read this. 
> 
> Warnings:  
Gay relationships, straight relationships, homosexuality, bisexuality, underage drinking, underage sex, a small amount of pressure into having sex, cheating - like seriously, past relationships, talk violent/abusive relationships, some smut - hardly any, implied sex, Alex is a whore (but we love him anyway), fist fights, someone getting beaten up, homophobic language, homophobic slurs, drunken insults, accusations of cheating, mild descriptions of violence/pain, messaging someone you shouldn't be messaging, secret relationships, talk of outing someone (and actually doing it oof), and a tragically heterosexual Hercules. 
> 
> There will only be a little bit of smut in this fic, but I do listen to requests. I'm planning to update in little Hamilbombs of two to five chapters at a time as I get them done. The first five could be better, but I'll edit them later. I really wanna upload these now :>
> 
> HUGE DISCLAIMER: I am aware that the musical 'Hamilton' paints the story of America through rose tinted glass, and that in reality, the founding fathers were terrible slave owners, racists, sexists, and just generally not very good people. However, I believe that in fiction, it is okay to experiment with different concepts so long as they are portrayed as entirely false in situations such as modern day AU's and obscure, erotic charicatures of the versions of these characters found onstage that we've all grown to love. I do not glorify or forgive the founding fathers for who they were as people, I am simply using my creative liberty to exercise my writing talents, featuring characters that someone else created. 
> 
> Anyway, you have been warned. Enjoy!

Second period law was a class that always seemed dreary for the students that had chosen to do it, and an adequate groan was heard by one of the boys as he walked in the doorway.

"Mister Madison," the teacher, Mrs. Washington, scolded, though her tone seemed more cheerful than it should have been, "that is no way to enter a classroom."

"Oh, sorry."

"Yeah, James!" his friend, Thomas, teased while nudging him on the arm. He turned behind to see his group funnelling through the narrow classroom door, and walked backwards to his normal seat. The room was longer than it was wide, with posters adorning every wall and clutter on every surface kept by the teacher. The desks were organised in rows of three on either side of the room with an aisle down the middle, and while there were no allocated seats, there were spots that everyone sat in every time.

Jefferson's group sat on the left side of the room, towards the back. They were the first ones in class today, and got to see as the other groups came in and took their seats. It was a reasonably small class with twelve or thirteen students. Typically, there wasn't too much interaction between the major groups but that meant no hostility either, so it was considered a good thing.

"Alright, hush everyone!" Mrs. Washington silenced the class as the final few people entered, "We have a lot of work to get through today, so let's get started, shall we?"

She told them to open their textbooks while she wrote something in block letters on the whiteboard. Mrs. Washington made a thud as she used her finger to point to what she had wrote;

MANDATORY SENTENCING

"Who can tell me what this means?"

The class seemed to stall for a moment, before Jefferson's hand shot up, "Mandatory sentencing is when someone has to serve a certain amount of time in jail for a specific crime."

"Very good, Thomas," she praised, "Yes. Mandatory sentencing is the minimum amount of time that a judge has to impose as a penalty for crime. Can anyone give me an example of when it's used?"

The studius group at the front began frantically flipping pages, trying to find some examples, but Thomas' hand raised first, "It depends on the type of crime. Most misdemeaners have a maximum sentence of one year probation, but felonies generally have a minumum of one year in prison."

Jefferson received a glare from a student at the front, among the group of boys flipping through their textbooks. Hercules Mulligan. The man was a beast, and his huge stature compensated for what little his name did not. Clearly, Thomas struck a nerve.

"Exactly," Mrs. Washington smiled as Thomas gloated to himself, "Mandatory sentencing is used throughout our whole legal system to ensure that people get a fair trial."

A hand rose at the front of the room, right side. John Laurens, top in his Philosophy class, had found something to say. Mrs. Washington called on him.

"A classic example of where mandatory sentencing is used is in murder trials," the impertinence in his tone slighty irked Thomas. He continued; "When someone is charged with murder, their sentence is based on the evidence presented and all these different factors. After this, it depends on what state they're in. In some states, you get life without parole or the death penalty. For others, it's serving many years in jail. But generally it is specific to the case. The mandatory sentencing in these trials is to ensure that the judge isn't too leniant on a killer." When John was finished speaking, he gave a smug look to Thomas.

"John, you're onto something there," Mrs. Washington turned to her desk for just a moment, "Everyone, open to page 67. Today, we are looking at mandatory sentencing, especially in relation to manslaughter and drug crimes. Does anyone want to read?"

Of course, Jefferson put his hand up. He read out the paragraph without missing a beat - something that was paraphrasing what had just been said in class. John leant towards Hercules, cupping his hand to contain his whisper, "He's such a dick," which his friend seemed quite inclined to agree with.

When Thomas was done, Mrs. Washington began rambling for a few minutes. One of the students, who never really sat with one group, but bounced around between several, decided to chime into the discussion about drug crimes.

"Mr. Burr?" Mrs. Washington called on him.

"Mandatory sentencing is quite controversial in drug crimes because of the nature of drug addicts. They're normally abused, or mentally ill, so treatment is always far more successful, even if it is more expensive and less common."

Aaron Burr was a quaint individual. He was extroverted and friendly enough, but somehow managed to keep to himself, and would somehow never get caught in any arguments. When he spoke in class, he was always so managed and persuasive that even when he was wrong, the teachers encouraged him. He always got high marks due to how competitive he was in private. He seemed to have everything together, although he came off as manipulative sometimes for always trying to be on top.

"Well definitely," Mrs. Washington affirmed, "I probably shouldn't be giving my opinion, but unless a drug user is violent, they shouldn't go to jail. Nine times out of ten, that just makes things worse."

"Worse for the person or worse for society?" Jefferson called out, turning heads, "I say it's better for society. Drugs are illegal for a reason, and if you're buying them then what makes you any better than those traffickers or dealers? If you take drugs then you deserve whatever happens to you. We shouldn't give addicts special treatment unless they're locked up. They're already on the wrong side of the law, and if we baby them then they'll just think they can continue to get away with it."

The room went silent for a second. Eyes turned to Jefferson for those few moments, and those that turned away at the front of the room were outraged, or just offended.

Mrs. Washington knew they had to move on quickly, "See, this is what we're going to be looking at. I know that not all of you agree with Thomas here, but this is the reason why mandatory sentencing is so controversial. Who's to say that a drug user with violent tendencies should serve the same amount of time than a user without those tendencies?"

"That's bullshit," John muttered too himself, a little too loud. He put up his hand; "It's like what Aaron said before. We need to treat the people that use drugs, not lock them up and call them psychos."

Burr squirmed at his name being brought into this. He didn't want to be in the middle of an argument, so he would remain rather quiet for the rest of the lesson.

"No, we need to get them to understand how the law works. No one is immune to the law just because they have 'problems.' I'm sorry, that's just how it is." Jefferson knew he was stirring, but believed in what he was saying.

The volume in the classroom suddenly rose to a persistent buzzing with the murmurs reverberating off the walls. John spoke directly to Thomas, "You don't think that's a bit insensitive?"

"No, I don't. Everyone knows drugs are illegal and if they choose to take them, then that's their fault."

"It's no one's fault that they're addicted."

"That's debatable."

"It's not. Addictions are in the mind, Thomas. Something that you clearly don't use, so I don't expect you to understand what I'm talking about anyway."

"That's enough!" Mrs. Washington started to stress, "Everyone needs to calm down. I know this is a sensitive issue, but we as a class should pride ourselves on being able to have sensible and respectful debates."

On the right side of the room, a hand stopped writing. It dropped the pencil it was holding, before finding its palpable place in the air.

"You up the back there?" the teacher called.

The student who had remained silent for the whole morning. His unpracticed voice did the best it could to sound confident.

"The reason that mandatory minimum sentencing exists is to create equal consequences for lawbreakers, but this results in many sentences becoming irrational, especially in drug trials," the student said this loud and clearly, attracting the attention of the two feuding groups, "For example, you can have 0.9 grams of LSD. You'll only serve a year in jail. Whereas, if you have the slightest bit more than that, you have to serve at least five years. The scaling of this sentencing is so terribly managed, and these mandatory minimums don't even prevent people from doing the crimes. So why then do we have them? Shouldn't the sentencing be specific to the case? Why is it fair to put all these individual trials under an umbrella? Mistakes are bound to be made and they have with this system. It isn't a matter of whether someone should be impervious to the law, it is about the way the law deals with things."

The eleven or twelve other people in the class were looking at him. Jefferson with gall, John with awe, and Mrs. Washington with interest.

"Someone's been reading ahead," she chimed, with a smile, "Everyone, we have ten minutes left of class. If you have anything more to add then do so now."

The students looked around. No hands were up, and the student from before had resorted to quiet again. It seemed like he had worn them out.

"And that's that then."

Mrs. Washington really was the sweetest lady you'd ever meet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive feedback is always welcome in my amphitheater!


	2. TWO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The obligatory introduction to the friend group.

Lunch time. Everyone scrambled to get a seat at the cafeteria tables.

Lafayette was there waiting with his lunch tray at the table when John and Hercules arrived. Lafayette grew up in France. He was supposed to be an exchange student in his freshman year but his family ended up moving to America soon after, and quickly realised that the country could be his home just as much as where he grew up.

"Lafayette! Where have you been all morning?" Laurens greeted his friend.

"Eh, I was late today," he sighed, "So I missed first period."

He didn't do law with Laurens and Mulligan.

"Oh it's alright man."

John and Hercules finally sat down.

"How was law?"

They collectively sighed, "Oh, you know. The usual."

"Jefferson was being a cocky douchebag," John said flatly.

"Yeah. The usual."

The Frenchman let out a chuckle, "I see."

"How was physics?" Laurens asked.

"Yo, hold up," Hercules spotted someone from the distance, "Isn't that that the kid that argued with Jefferson in law?"

Lafayette and Laurens turned their heads, and after a moment of searching, found the boy from law. In class, they were able to get a better look at his green sweater and jeans, and his long black hair tied slickly back. Now he just blended in the crowd of people rushing to get to the cafeteria.

"Poor guy, he doesn't know how bad the food tastes yet," Mulligan chuckled to himself.

"What's the story behind this guy? I've never seen him before," Lafayette shrugged. He couldn't even quite pick out who his two friends were talking about.

"He's new, we think," Hercules responded, "We don't know his name."

Laurens was still looking at the new kid. He could tell that he would feel lost. The school wasn't too big and everybody knew everybody. And Laurens felt a connection to him, like speaking to him was something he was meant to do. So he stood up, and strided over to the line, leaving his tray on the table and his friends murmuring.

As he got closer, the his features became clearer. His hair was greasy which made him look more sophisticated. His eyes glanced down delicately to his tray, on which he rested a book that John couldn't see the name of. As he walked closer, he hated to admit that he was a bit nervous. He hadn't met anyone new in so long. What was he even supposed to say? But there was no time to think. He was already standing in front of the new kid, and he had to speak.

"Pardon me," he started, "do you mind if I ask what you're reading?"

The boy's head shot up and looked around to meet John. It took him a moment to realise that the question was aimed at him, and even then he was unsure, "Are you speaking to me?"

John chuckled, nervously, "Yeah, I was asking you."

"Oh, uh," he fumbled with his tray, producing the book in his hand, "It's a classic. I don't know if you would know it."

"Try me," Laurens challenged. He was one of the highest in his English class.

"It's called Les Misérables," his French seemed good enough, and pronounced the syllables like John would imagine Lafayette would, "I'm only half way through but it's really good."

"What's it about?" John inquired as they both took a step forward in line. Of course, John wasn't actually lined up, he just wanted to speak to this kid.

"The French Revolution?" he chuckled, "Kind of. It's set in France far before the revolution, but it follows a man who served 20 years as a slave. And he breaks parole, but then he becomes rich and the guy who used to hold him captive tries to hunt him down. There's a whole lot more to it. Like stuff to do with the struggles of the lower class of France at the time, and one of the first failed rebellions..." he trailed off, "I'm talking too much, aren't I?"

John was listening. He didn't take in much of what he said, but he did hear it.

"No, no! Keep talking please. It sounds really interesting," he assured, laughing again. John paused. "I just heard what you said in law class. I thought it was really funny how you told off Jefferson like that."

"Oh, please," he began, "there are people like that wherever you go and some just need you to put them in their place. Jefferson is what you call a pompous ass."

John was inclined to agree.

They moved up in the line and the conversation came to an awkward halt. The new kid hardly lived up to John's expectartions. He was bright and poised - not arrogant or especially strange or irritable in any noticable way so far. He was captivating as if he were meant to pop on a canvas. The entirely of his demeanor refused to be overlooked, and it intrigued John.

Then John realised something.

"Hey, what's your name, man?"

The boy moved up in the line, and looked back at him with a modest tug upwards from his lips, "Yours first."

"Oh, Laurens!" He blurted out.

"Lawrence?"

"John Laurens," he corrected, meekly, "John."

This caused the new kid to laugh, "Ah, I think I've got it."

He moved up once more in line, and held the tray in one hand, turning to face John Laurens directly.

"Well, John Laurens," he teased, "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

"Tell me your name!" John insisted.

The boy chuckled.

"Hamilton."

A twinge of excitement rose in John, "Hamilton?"

A coy smirk came on 'Hamilton's' face, as he placed one hand behind his back and bowed towards John, "Alexander Hamilton," he looked up, "Alex."

It was Alexander's turn in line to grab food. John stepped out as to not get in the way of other people, but continued trying to talk to Alex.

"Hey, you know you can sit with us right?"

Hamilton turned around for a moment, "I might. Or I might just sit alone again today."

As he was getting his food, Laurens couldn't help but think about the connection he felt to his new friend. Why did he feel so drawn to this guy? He'd only been at school for a short time but already, Laurens and Hamilton were getting on so well. Everything about Alex was increasingly captivating to John. His hair, his peach fuzz. The way he would rant about the smallest things. And he seemed like a genuine enough person. God, he didn't know what was happening or where this all came from, but John would embrace his feelings. He knew they were to get on very well.

He was filled with hope as Alexander walked towards him with a full tray, holding his book obscurely under it. The sludge on it was a mix of potato and carrots, with something that resembled a sausage. A similar thing every day, which they got used to.

"So," Alex began, "you said I can sit with you?"

John gleamed, telling him to follow him to the table.

As they returned, Aaron Burr had sat down opposite to Hercules and Lafayette. His friendliness seemed irritating at times, though he seemed to be nice enough. Anyone could tell how cynical he was behind closed doors. Recently, he had been trying to get acquainted with John's group, without their aspiration, but he insisted.

Burr was the first to spot them, and that same nauseating smile greeted them. Even Alex could sense that something was off.

"John! It's great to see you again," he chimed.

"Hey, Burr," he greeted, flatly.

Lafayette noticed the boy from before standing awkwardly behind John, "You brought him with you!" His enthusiasm to see Alex was probably the excitement of not having the attention on Burr anymore.

"Oh right," Laurens brought his new friend forward with a touch on the back, "Do you want to introduce yourself or should I?"

He smiled, "I'm Alexander. Hamilton... I'm in your law class, I believe?"

"Yes, we know. We were speaking about you before you came over," Hercules admitted.

Alex cocked his head, "Pardon?"

"Just about what you said to Jefferson," John saved the awkward comment, giving Mulligan a glare, "He's uh... been a real dick to us in the past, and I suppose we get on with whoever doesn't like him." John chuckled.

"I heard you caused quite the stir," Lafayette laughed.

His accented English stood out to Hamilton, who proceeded to ask a question, "You're French?"

"Oui."

"Ah, je parle couramment." He was fluent.

The two exchanged quick conversation in French as the others in the group looked at the two back and forward. They didn't speak a word of French, and were rightly confused.

"Guys?" Hercules snapped them out of it.

"My apologies," Alex chuckled, realising how boastful he probably sounded.

"Alex, you can sit down. My tray's over there," he pointed, and Hamilton moved over. Everyone was now sitting around the table. Alex seemed content just having more people to talk to, and started picking at his meal. Now it was time to introduce him to people.

"Alexander, this is our group," he gestured to the rest of the people sitting at the table, "This is Aaron Burr. You might have heard him talk a bit in law."

"Hello."

"He doesn't always sit with us but he's chill," John seemed to force himself to say that. It wasn't a secret that his group sort of disliked Aaron, but they weren't going to outwardly announce that. "And that is Hercules Mulligan."

"John and I have been friends for so long," he chuckled, "It's cool that you're hanging out with us."

"And of course, you two have already met, that's the Marquis de Lafayette."

"Lafayette is fine," he chuckled, "I have eleven names, so don't worry about any of them."

"You can go meet some others if you want to, but we'll take care of you," John reassured him, "Do you need anything?"

"I'm not a baby..." Alex chuckled, "I guess it's nice to have a group of friends."

"Where'd you come from?" Hercules asked.

"The Carribbean. Small place in St. Croix called Charlestown. You wouldn't know it."

"That's a long way," Burr remarked, as friendly as he could make it.

"I suppose, but it was only fitting."

"Why'd you move?"

Hamilton froze. His eyes shut for just a moment, and all the horrors and atrocities of what he had seen clouded his mind. The screams and panic, the lightning, the bodies floating face down in the water… For a second he was silent as he remembered.

"I moved here with my brother," he managed to get out, "I started yesterday so I guess I still am pretty new. I got a scholarship here and at law school for when I graduate. I'm gonna be a lawyer. The rest is pretty unimportant. And boring, so don't you guys worry about it."

They knew that he wasn't telling the full truth, but it was his second day and they decided to give him a break.

The bell rang for their next class. And as it would turn out, Lafayette and Hamilton would have History together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always welcome in this house!


	3. THREE

For anybody that took history, it would not be any kind of hyperbole to say that the class was a drag. The teacher would sit himself at his desk and indulge in YouTube videos rather than actually teaching, and would do everything in his power to avoid doing so. Alexander even asked if this is what the class was always like, to which Lafayette replied a begrudging yes. The teacher's slack made him loved by most of the students, apart from those who wanted good grades, who didn't want a teacher to rush everything before you get your grade. So naturally, history wasn't Lafayette's favourite subject, and while he would normally spend the time studying other subjects, today he had someone to keep him company.

That's when Hamilton realised that he knew someone else in the class.

If he wasn't mistaken, at the front of the class sat Thomas Jefferson, from second period law. Alexander hadn't seen him since, and felt the sensed the slight accumulation of sweat on his palm as he pondered over their last and only encounter. A girl in a short skirt was leaning on the desk next to him, letting his hand trace her knee as they spoke to each other.

"What's the story behind you guys and Jefferson?" Alex asked. He had been curious ever since John had implied there was tension between the two. 

Lafayette rolled his eyes, "It's just bad blood between us all. Jefferson used to be friends with John and Hercules, and I was even fine with him at some point. But that was when I was an exchange student. I left for France and came back a few months later, but by then he wasn't hanging out with either of them and didn't seem to want to talk to me."

"So you don't know what happened?"

"I do, I just don't think I'd give a fair representation of everything," he admitted, "You should ask Hercules. Or John, seeing as you get on with him so well."

"I don't get on with him any better than the rest of you," Hamilton knew that getting defenceless was hardly practical or explicable. 

"You don't need to get so defensive. You like him the most out of us, and that's okay. He's the first one you spoke to."

Alex wiped a nervous sweat from his forehead, "I suppose."

A short amount of time went on in the lesson. The two immersed themselves in idle chatter, until they started to hear whispers from Jefferson's side of the room. Hamilton felt himself being looked at, but wasn't afraid. He stared right back at the girl hanging out with Thomas, which caused her to turn a dark shade of red and look away in haste. He couldn't help but ask himself the question; how did someone like Jefferson end up with so many attractive girls around him?

"Who are they?" Alex asked after a brief silence.

Lafayette turned in the direction he was looking, "Who?"

"The two girls over there with Jefferson."

"Ah," Lafayette knew, "They are the Schuyler sisters, _mon ami_. Daughters of the richest family in this town. Angelica's the oldest, and the other girl there is Eliza, about a year younger."

"I see," Hamilton started to stare at the girl sitting down. She wore a baggy green sweater with black jeans, with dark hair that she swept behind her ear as she read the book in her lap. His attention was drawn back to Lafayette, "Didn't John say you were a marquis?" 

The Frenchman seemed surprised by this, but felt awkward answering, "Uh... yeah. My family were nobles." He never liked telling people about his status. It made him seem stuck up. 

"What? That's so awesome!" Alexander enthused. 

Lafayette shook his head, "It's more boring than you might think." 

"Don't your parents have loads of money?" Alex asked shamelessly. Growing up poor, he considered having a lot of money as a good thing, and only that. 

"It means nothing here in America." 

On the other side of the classroom, Angelica and Jefferson were speaking.

"Look, all I'm saying is I don't think he's gonna be as bad as the rest of them," Angelica said, glancing over at Alex.

"And all I'm saying is that there's a reason that group picked him up... they attract scum." Jefferson emphasised every word.

Something that neither Lafayette nor Hamilton realised was that the girls had been eying him off since he got here. It was obvious that he wasn't from the same place as them, but that didn't stop any of them from having his eyes on them. His presence had stirred up the dynamic of all the social groups at Miranda Academy, whether that was his intention or not. Many girls had began to take an interest in them, and among them was the girl herself, Elizabeth Schuyler, who subtly confided in her sister the day prior about her attraction to Alexander. 

"Eliza?" Angelica poked her sister, "What do you think?" 

"What?" she rubbed her arm, slipping her bookmark in as she finished a sentence. 

"About Alexander." 

"Oh... I don't know. None of us have really spoken to him, have we?" Eliza looked over at him, a small smile coming to her face, "Besides, just because he hangs out with them doesn't mean he's like them. He's been here two days. I don't think it's fair to make a judgement just yet."

Angelica caught onto how her sister felt, and she'd be lying if she said she didn't feel the same. Hamilton had such an attractive nature. The feeling he radiated when he walked into a room was undescribable. Something between charisma and seduction without him having to speak a word. But Angelica had to say goodbye to any chance of being with Alex. Her sister had fallen too hard and too quickly for him. She caught her eyes lift to meet his face between her flipping pages. And like the good sister she was, she was going to help her.

While Eliza and Thomas were speaking, Angelica ripped out a piece of paper from her book and scribbled something down on it. A series of numbers. Her sister's number. She folded it in two, and kept it in her palm. Bold and confident, she took long strides down to the back of the room where Lafayette sat with Alex.

It gave them both quite a shock when they looked up and saw Angelica, in her red t-shirt and black and white striped skirt, coming towards them. She looked at Hamilton and the two exchanged eye contact.

"I have something for you," she mused, her voice soft and warm, "It would do you some good to use this."

From her hand, she produced the slip of paper and dropped it on the desk, before turning around quickly and walking back to the table, elegantly flirting her short skirt as she did so.

Alex sat astounded. Lafayette told him to unfold the piece of paper. They both knew what it was anyway, but their shock was so much greater when they saw it.

A series of digits. A phone number.

At the front of the room, Thomas was now standing with fumes coming radiating off of him as Angelica returned. 

"Relax. I didn't give him my number... you can calm down," she crossed her legs as she sat, facing her sister and giving her a smirk. Angelica tugged at Jefferson's jacket for him to sit down with her, which he eventually did.

"What did you give him then?" Thomas persisted.

"Do you trust me?"

He nodded, cautiously, "Of course."

"You'll find out then. Just not right now."

And with a wink to her sister, the subject was changed.

Little would she know, this simple interaction would cause Eliza a lot of anxiety. Yes, she had fallen for this boy so much quicker than she should have, but what could she do? They were her feelings and there was nothing she could do. But now, she could feel pitiful about her sister's impatience to act on her feelings.

She glanced up at Alex to try and get a look at the note, but instead ended up making eye contact. For a moment, they saw each other raw. But then it was broken. And Eliza couldn't think clearly for the rest of the day. It was the second day he had been at school, and already she felt this strongly about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always welcomed on my server. 
> 
> I'm not particularly proud of these first chapters, but they're just set ups to what I want to write about. I promise it gets better lmao.


	4. FOUR

"You got Angelica Schuyler's number?"

Hercules couldn't believe it. It was so ridiculous to think that Alexander, a newcomer, could accomplish in two days what every other guy failed to do in their entire time at the Miranda Academy. Yet, there were the digits. With _her _number on it.

"Isn't she dating Jefferson?" John remarked, cynically.

"We don't know what's going on," Lafayette agreed, "It's probably a trick. You saw how they were acting in history."

"Guys!" Hercules tried to bring them back down, "Our friend just got a number from one of the Schuyler Sisters. You can't be the slightest bit happy for him?" 

Alex had to smile at being referred to as their friend already. 

"Not when I think he's being taken advantage of," Lafayette was still arguing. John did not have much left to say, but silently agreed with him.

"You guys are trying to baby me again!" Alex complained, "Look, I will go home, text her, see what she wants, and tell you all what happens. I'm just going to sus things out. Maybe you're right, maybe you aren't. Does that sound fair?"

They all seemed to agree.

It was almost time to go home. And despite everything, it had been a good day. Alex had already started making friends, and he already cared about them so. Lafayette and Mulligan lived the same way, so they took the bus and left together. Laurens and Hamilton found out that they both walked the same way to their house, but John's was a block closer to the school. They spoke idly, until they got to John's house, where they stopped.

"Alex?"

"What's wrong?"

John felt a nervous bubble fill him, "I don't think that it's a good idea."

"What?"

"You and Angelica."

Alex took a deep breath, "I know. I'll admit it's strange, but I'm new here. What's the worst that could happen? Might as well take a chance and if it doesn't go right then I'll find a way to make it better."

John chuckled, "That's a terrible plan."

"If you can call it a plan!" The two laughed, "I have no clue what I'm doing. But I'll do just fine. So don't you worry about me."

John pat him on the shoulder, "Take care."

As Alexander was walking away, an idea popped into his head that he called out, "Meet me back here in the morning?"

Laurens only just heard it, and gleamed at the opportunity of walking to school with his new friend, "You bet!"

John turned around to look at Alexander, and caught his big grin before he turned away and continued walking home. That smile was quite extraordinary, and more contagious than any he had seen before. He felt a distinct feeling of contentedness that overwhelmed any dread that he had for his new friend. For the first time in a while, he felt as though something exciting was to happen, and something good. And that left him in a good mood for the rest of the night.

Further down the road, Alex was almost skipping. He felt high on life, with everything happening so fast. Mind clouded with ecstacy, he felt warm and welcomed for the first time in so long. He had only been at that school for two days, and had already walked out of it with a new group of friends and a girl's number. 

When Alexander got home, the door was unlocked, which would be unusual if he didn't know what his brother was like. In the Caribbean, there wasn't much of a need to lock your door. People trusted each other. But in America, things were different. Crime rates were so much higher and leaving your door unlocked was something begging for someone to break in.

The room was cold when he entered, and a feeling of dread filled the house. Alexander's brother was asleep on the couch - passed out, Alex figured - with the TV as the only source of light in the dark room. The house was still unfamiliar to the two brothers. They had only been there for a bit over a week, after all.

Alex looked down softly on his brother sleeping, the tang of brandy in the air. _Of course, _he sighed. Ever since their mother died, he hadn't taken a break from the booze. It had gotten better since they had moved to America, but hardly. Alexander didn't want to clean up after him today, and retreated to his room with his phone in hand.

Turning out his pockets, he tried to recall where he put the note. He found it in his back pocket and slumped down on his bed against the wall. With a cocky grin, he looked at the familiar digits on the paper before transferring them into his contact list on his phone under 'Angelica.' After pondering for a few minutes, he decided to send a message.

**Hey. It's Alex. I thought I'd message you so that you could have my number too :)**

It wasn't the smoothest thing ever, but he was pleased enough with it, and decided to work on some homework task on his laptop while he awaited a response. It wouldn't come until a little later, however, and would be a message he wouldn't have expected.

A ding summoned him to pick up his phone.

**Angelica: Oh hey... my sister gave you this number, didn't she?**

Alexander cocked his head, unlocking his phone to read the message in the app. He thought it was strange but decided to reply.

**Alex: Sorry - who is this?**

The reply took a minute to send through.

**Angelica: Eliza?**

_Oh shit, _Alexander wasn't expecting that. His mind raced... _Eliza, _he racked. And he remembered words of Lafayette in history class that day. _"...the other girl there is Eliza, about a year younger."_ Hamilton recalled looking up, among Jefferson's group, and seeing the girl gazing intently at the pages of her novel. Her baggy sweater with her sleeves so low that just her fingers were exposed, and her head held in such a delicate position that she was calmly reading the words on the page. And after Angelica had handed him the paper, he had been staring at that group trying to figure out what they were talking about. Her eyes flickered over to him for just a moment, where their gazes met and everything seemed to align for a moment, before Alex broke the contact to catch a glance at her sister. He tried looking back again to see her fine black eyes once more before the lesson was over, but she had been looking down. Eliza wasn't someone he had spoken to yet, but to have the chance to speak to this fine young woman was something he wasn't going to take in vain.

He hadn't realised how long he had taken to reply.

**Alex: Oh, my apologies. In all honesty, I thought this was your sister's number.**

He cast his mind back once more to the moment where Angelica handed him the piece of paper. _"It would do you some good to use this," _she had told him with a cocky smirk. And how he was ashamed of the places his mind went to as she turned away. The opportunity to talk to this fine woman was there, and he excited in the chance of getting to know her better. But now it seemed like an elaborate plan to get him to speak to her sister. And now he was bubbling with the excitement of getting to know Eliza; at the chance of exploring her black eyes further.

**Angelica: I'm sorry! I can give you her number if you'd like it.**

Hamilton responded quickly.

**Alex: Please don't.**

**Alex: I'm equally thrilled to get a chance to speak with you. Maybe more so.**

He changed the contact in his phone to 'Eliza."

-:-:-:-

The next day, Alexander greeted John outside of his house, a fair bit of time before school would begin. The moisture in the air clung to his skin, and he breathed in the coolness of the morning that filled him with calm.

"John!" he called out, grinning as his new friend made his way out to the gate.

"I wasn't sure if you were actually coming," John felt a tinge of guilt, "I'm sorry if I kept you waiting for too long."

"As if I wouldn't wait longer for you," Alex assured, guiding him towards the path with a hand on his shoulder as they started walking towards school. John beamed at the affection, but couldn't find a way to reciprocate or show his appreciation. Hamilton was ready to give him an update on what they had left speaking about, "I've got news for you."

Laurens thought for a second, "On the Schuyler thing?"

"You bet," Alexander hadn't stopped smiling since his friend walked out of his house, "But, as it would turn out, it wasn't Angelica's number."

His friend winced, unsure how to react, "Oh man..."

"I'm not finished -- You wouldn't guess who's it really was."

"Who's?"

"Eliza."

John turned his body towards Alexander, skipping ahead slightly on the pavement in excitement, "What? _You_ have _Elizabeth Schuyler's _phone number?"

"Don't sound so surprised," he joked.

"I'm not surprised! Well, I am. But just because... well you're new."

"And?"

"Eliza hasn't dated anyone since her Freshman year. It's just different, is all." He just wanted to know what happened at this point, "So what happened?"

"Well, we texted, you know? For a while last night. She's actually really sweet."

"Do you like the girl?"

Alex hesitated. He had been trying to work out his feelings for a time about everything that went on, but it all seemed like too many good things too quick. He was in no rush to date. He had been in relationships before, and knew that they weren't exactly the spice of life. But there was something about her that he just couldn't shake, and he had made himself determined to discover what that was.

"I'm not sure. It's too soon to tell... maybe, but I don't know yet."

John nodded in acceptance.

"Angelica was still the one who gave me the number."

This confused John, "Why do you think she did?"

Hamilton pondered, "That's what I've been trying to work out."

"The Schuyler sisters are all pretty close," he stated, "And maybe Eliza wanted to give you her number but didn't know how or something."

"Maybe."

Regardless, Hamilton knew he was starting to feel for this girl, even if they hadn't had a real life conversation yet and only met yesterday. He was thrilled for the day ahead that would contain short bursts of conversation in the cafeteria and in history, and this went on for the next few days.

At the end of the week, Alexander asked her to see a movie with him. He had never seen anything on the big screen before. Only on DVD's with his mother's old player and small TV. This would be an experience, one he was excited to try out, and got his brother to drive him to the cinema, though he pondered this plan due to a question of his sobriety, and ensured that nothing of the sort would be an issue.

"So, who's this girl?" James asked.

"No one yet," Alex fidgetted with his hands, excited to meet with her, "We've only been talking a couple of days."

"Well, you let me know if you need anything else," he offered, which Alex silently declined, "Make sure that uh... you're staying safe as well."

"Okay, _James," _he blurted out, clearly uncomfortable, "You're not the one who needs to be giving me this talk-"

"I wasn't giving you the talk, okay?" he laughed, nervously, "I just meant... it's a new town. New country. Bad things can happen. So look out for yourself. Got it?"

Alex responded in his head with something about how he always does, but before he could talk, they were there.

When the two met outside the cinema, the nerves of both of them were bouncing off each other. Eliza, in her casual dress, was fidgeting with her phone the whole time and Alex, in his t-shirt and jeans, started to sweat. But for a first date, they were hardly awkward around each other, exchanging small bits of contact at certain points. Mainly a touch on the shoulder, but they were holding hands at one point, which was new and exciting for them both.

After that night, they agreed to see each other more and more, and the time started going by quickly.

A week later, and Alexander popped the question.

"Do you wanna be my girlfriend?" Alex normally spoke a lot, but that day in particular, he had been particularly resigned and anxious. Now Eliza could see why.

She giggled, "Is that what you wanted to ask me?"

"I suppose so," he said in a more confident tone, though he scratched his nose and turned away to hide his face that was now turning a light shade of red.

Eliza leant closer to him and smiled brightly. If there was anything more captivating than her gorgeous black eyes, then it would be her smile. "Yes. I do want to be your girlfriend." And Eliza pressed her lips firmly to his forehead, which made butterflies rise in Hamilton's gut. Someone who made you feel like that was not someone easily lost.

Two weeks later, and the two shared their first kiss together. It was the first time in so long that Eliza had shared that type of affection with someone, and one of the only times that Alexander engaged in such an act where he held the person so closely to his heart.

Now, Hamilton sat with his group in the cafeteria. Only recently had he taken to calling the group with John, Hercules and Lafayette _his _group because before he felt intrusive doing so, but now that he was comfortable with all the boys, he was able to. The hostility between Jefferson's group and theirs had decreased a substantial amount after Eliza and Alex started dating. There hadn't been any tension or any arguments, and the two groups were even able to joke around with each other with the exception of Madison, who made it more than clear that he disliked the new kid with a passion, and acted accordingly. Word about Alexander and Eliza had gotten around, and the whole school knew about them. Angelica secretly prided herself on being the catalyst to all this, even if what she did was done on a limb. It was fair to say that Miranda Academy was a very nice place to go to school at during this time.

"Did y'all hear about Jefferson's party?" Hercules asked the others in between mouthfuls.

"What party?" Lafayette asked.

"I did," Alex answered, "It's on Saturday."

"Of course you know about it..." Lafayette muttered, eliciting a chuckle from John.

"Are you going?" he asked.

"Have to," Alex shrugged, "Eliza's expected to be there because of her sister, and she wants to take me."

Mulligan scoffed, "You're getting awfully close to that group." Which wasn't necessarily true, but Alex could see how his friends could take it that way, "There's no way we can let you go without us."

"Really?" his excitement bubbled, and he looked to Laurens with a smile, "You guys would come?"

John smiled back, before looking down, "Why not?"

"It's bring-your-own-booze," Lafayette stated, "I don't think I can do that, but I'll come if you guys can cover me."

"Oh, don't you fret, Lafayette," Hamilton smiled darkly, recalling the collection of alcohol that his brother had at home, "I've got you all covered."

"So it's on then?" Mulligan clarified, "We'll all bring some booze. Don't bring enough that would get us in trouble, though." He let out a big belly laugh.

Laurens leaned in closer to Alexander, feeling meek, "I don't know if I can come," he mumbled softly.

His friend looked down on him, "What? How come?"

John swallowed, "My dad is really strict. He wouldn't let me bring alcohol and he'd kill me if he found out I was going to a party."

His forehead creased, "You can't sneak out?"

"I've done that before. Got caught, and that didn't go well. As you can understand, I'm not going to try that again."

Alexander knew that John would feel guilty if he couldn't come. _What an obscure thing to care about, _he thought, but the last thing he'd want was for John to feel excluded after everything he had done to make sure that Alex fit in during his first few days.

"Do you want to come over to my place?" he offered on a whim, "I can get my brother to drive us."

_He has a brother?_

"I don't want to be a burden, Alex," John felt too embarrassed to take the offer.

Hamilton persisted; "It's no issue. He's been driving me around to see Eliza for a while now, and I repay him by keeping the house clean. He doesn't mind. Seriously, he's driving me there anyway and you live a block away so you might as well come."

Laurens smiled, cheeks turning slightly pink from appreciation, "If it isn't too much trouble then... I don't see why not. I'll ask my dad if I can, uh... 'Come Over.'"

So then it was settled, and it was only a short matter of waiting. 


	5. FIVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter where warnings start to take place... nothing serious just yet, just be warned that from here on out, things will be more interesting.

A tinge of guilt started to fill him as he grabbed the few bottles of beer in the fridge and tucked them into his backpack, cringing as the glass clanked against each other. John had decided not to ask his father for alcohol, but instead decided to take some and pray that his father wouldn't notice the missing bottles. 

He hurried back to his room and looked at what he was wearing. A striped black and white t-shirt with worn jeans and sneakers. It was nothing special, but it would do because he knew no one else would be dressing up. The party was in a few hours, and John was starting to get nervous. He hadn't been to a party that Jefferson hosted in a long time; not since they were friends. And not only was he going tonight, he was going with a new friend who was becoming quite well known among Thomas' friends. 

The boy let out an audible sigh as he looked at himself in the mirror. 

Alex had only been at the school for three weeks and he had become more liked among their peers than anyone else in the group, for reasons obvious to John. Of course, he was slightly insensitive and blunt and stubborn at times, which was the reason why he made so many enemies, but they weren't the parts John appreciated about him. The parts his friends saw. Underneath all that, he was intelligent. Maybe too smart for his own good at times. But then he was humourous, and his smile could light up an entire city after dark. His eyes went wide and sparkled when he spoke in authenticity with that brilliant blue colour that John had learned to adore. 

To speak truly, Laurens wasn't sure what his thoughts were of Alexander. The bliss he felt around him was certainly more than that of a friend, but he was unsure that his admiration was to the level of wanting a relationship. Maintaining their friendship was important to both of them, but with John's brewing feelings, that would become harder and harder. _But it doesn't matter how I feel, _he told himself. The boy was still, and would remain, tragically heterosexual. 

This thought was cut off by a knock on his bedroom door, followed by the person behind it opening. Henry Laurens. John's homophobic, racist, conservative father who would no doubt put a bullet in his own son if he found about his sexual preference, and somehow found a way to remind John of this at every given point in there interactions. Recently, he had been increasingly inquisitive about Alexander. 

"You're seeing that boy again tonight, aren't you?" Henry asked, "What was his name again?" 

"Alex," John sprayed deodorant, filling the room with a miasma of aerosol, "We're not doing anything dumb, I told you. Just going over to his place with the rest of the boys and watching movies. We might play a bit of _Uno. _It's not a big deal." 

"Just checking in on you, kid," he paused, "I'm not sure what I make of this Alex. He sounds like a troublemaker." 

_You've got no clue. _

"Dad-" 

"I'm just saying... don't let him pressure you into anything. You don't know him at all yet. Anything could happen." 

Perhaps there was a connection bigger than life between father and son. Perhaps John's thoughts were somehow reflected in his father's life, and manifested as statements or questions coming out of his mouth. The two were polar opposites, but somehow his father seemed to keep up with every stage of his life without realising the importance of what he was saying. If he only thought harder for a second, then he would be able to figure out the position his son was in. And even if John thoroughly disliked his father, he had to admit that the man picked up on more things that even he gave himself credit. 

John finished packing his bag to make it look like he was staying over. He kissed his mother on the forehead and waved to his dad as he left. The cool, moist air of twilight surrounded him as he stepped outside and proceeded to stroll along the street to Alexander's house. 

-:-:-:-

The pair of friends stepped out onto the sidewalk as James rolled down his window. The thumping of the music could be felt through vibrations in the ground, which felt especially atmospheric with the tall house looming in front of them. Jefferson's family was rich, and now there was no doubting that. 

"Remember, don't drink too much." 

"That's not my intention," Alexander replied, crouching down to look through the car window as he spoke to his brother. 

"You too, kid," he was talking to John this time. 

The boy laughed, "You don't need to worry about me - look out for your brother here." He pointed at Alex, only to get playfully shoved away. 

"I'll pick you up at three?" James was a night owl. He slept all through the day, typically falling asleep at 5AM, and waking up at 1 or 2PM. It was a result of his jetlag and issues with alcohol, and was not going to be an easy habit to break when the time came. But for this instance, it was helpful, and his brother slightly appreciated it. 

"Thanks, bro!" Alexander called out, before waving goodbye and dropping his arm around John's shoulders as the two walked inside. 

The lights were low in the house with the speakers blaring a party song they weren't familiar with. Rap music with a strong bass that left almost everyone inside bobbing their head or grinding to the rhythym with a partner. The living room was filled in the centre with people dancing and smoking on the couches. On the walls stood people speaking to each other while having a drink. John and Alex would push through them all to get to the kitchen, before finally finding Jefferson standing with Angelica outside. He spotted Alexander, and excused himself to go say hello. 

Thomas held a beer in hand as he approached his recent acquaintance with a smile, "Hamilton!" he expanded his arms and pulled the other boy into a friendly yet soft embrace. 

John cringed at the physical contact, but found it amusing how he noticed Alexander wasn't reciprocating, and took him a few moments to lift his arms from his side, only to push Thomas away subtly. "Hey, Thomas," he greeted flatly. 

"You brought John Laurens with you?" he broke away from discussion with Hamilton, "Man I haven't seen you at one of my parties in a long time!" 

It quickly came apparent to the two friends that Jefferson was drunk. His words were slurred and the strong scent of beer was left behind as he walked passed Alexander. John was starting to smell it, and he was a few feet away. 

"Yes, the rest of my group is coming as well," Alexander said quickly, noticing that Angelica was walking over. 

"You two should have a drink with us!" Thomas was drowsy, but it was amusing. 

Alex looked to John for confirmation. He didn't want to agree to something that would make his friend uncomfortable. But John nodded; "We can have one or two." 

"Hey Alex," Angelica chimed in, smiling. It always put her in a good mood when she saw him. She got excited, running up and taking both John and Alexander by their hands, "We've got shots. Come on!" 

She led them to Jefferson's back porch which could only be described as a bar. There were huge bottles of fancy liquor, and lined up on the bench top were rows of shot glasses being topped up by Madison, who gave them both a dirty look before turning the other way. 

Jefferson picked up two of the glasses and gave them to Alex and John. They examined the liquid inside. It was a mix between bronze and brass in colour, and guessed it was some type of tequila. The thumping of a new song from inside began to play, which really set the tone as the rest of Thomas' group grabbed a shot glass. They all said a quick 'bottoms up' before swinging their heads back and finishing their glasses, slamming them back down with a thud. It went straight to their heads. 

"Owhh shiit," John put his finger to his temple to soothe his head, a dazed chuckle coming over him. 

Hamilton made a sour face before his mouth widened as he spoke, "I'm starting to see how you're all already this drunk." 

They all laughed. 

"Yo, can we get some more?" John asked Madison, who obliged, filling their glasses once more. "Man, I haven't had a drink in so long." 

Alexander grinned at his friend's sudden giddiness, "There's plenty of time for drinking, Laurens. Don't tire yourself out yet, we still have the rest of the night." 

By the time they had their second and third shot, they were feeling like they were about to fall over. It was the funniest few minutes of their lives that they spent trying to walk straight or talk clearly, and laughing at Jefferson who was already so far gone. When Lafayette and Mulligan showed up, it was like everything fell into place, and the two groups naturally branched away from each other. 

Hercules had a deal made with his parents. He could go anywhere and do anything so long as he wouldn't get arrested and he could get himself there. And since he learnt to drive, his life had been pretty entertaining. 

About twenty minutes had passed before Alexander realised something. He excused himself from the group with a beer bottle in his hand, and tapped Angelica on the shoulder. 

"Have you seen Eliza by any chance?"

"She said she was going upstairs, but she's gone a while. Try looking up there." 

"Okay, I will. Thanks." 

Stepping back into the house, Hamilton was able to notice how much more chaotic the party had gotten. More people had arrived and there was hardly room to move. The music seemed louder in Alex's drunken state, and the room was spinning as he found his way up the stairs. He fumbled around, looking from room to room and calling out his girlfriend's name to try and find her, before he opened the door to a guest bedroom and saw her sitting on the bed with a book in her lap. She looked up at the sound of the door clicking, but before she could get offended with the intrusion, Eliza was met with the familiar face of her partner looking back at her. 

She smiled shyly, as Alexander staggered in, shutting the door behind him, "I don't mean to interrupt you, miss," he joked, "but I couldn't help but notice you weren't downstairs with the rest of us 'party-goers.'"

"I came up here to read," Eliza shut her book, "I don't particularly like being around drunk people. They give me a headache." 

Alex furrowed his eyebrows, becoming suddenly aware of the bottle of beer in his hand.

"Hey, I'm sure you're fine when you're drunk," she giggled, which was a golden sound to his ears.

"Now, that is something I'm not sure about," he approached her, "I thought I could keep you company. I know you don't like parties." 

She hummed, happiness filling her as she slid over so Alex could sit next to her. He placed his bottle carefully on the floor before falling back onto the mattress behind him, arms spread. He was drowsy. "The party's crazy out there," Alex looked up at Eliza, "Jefferson brought shots. God, I think they did a number on me," he said, feeling especially drunk. 

"I think they were Angelica's." 

"What?" he said that a little too loud, and the room spun for a second. He grabbed his head, "Oh shit..." 

Eliza laughed at him, lying down on her side next to him. He put her arm around her as she moved closer, "This is why I don't get drunk." She layed out a hand on his chest, which she rested her chin on, and gazed up at him with large eyes. 

He compelled himself to laugh a little, "Be quiet." 

She smiled contently. The music could be felt thumping from underneath them, though it was muffled with the door closed. Eliza stared up at Alex, and admired his features. His deep blue eyes and his mouth. She suddenly became appreciative of the affection that they were sharing, and planted a kiss on Alex's cheek. He turned a light shade of pink, and she returned to the position they were in before, "Thanks for coming and seeing me." 

"I came to this party for you, remember?" she could feel the vibrations through his chest as Alexander spoke, "I wasn't gonna let you stay up here all alone." 

The two idly chatted for a short time before they stopped speaking. The sound of the distant music melted into a rising and falling crescendo that permeated the room and absorbed their senses. Suddenly, words weren't needed and the music was morphing into a volume pleasing enough for them to drift away in the gentle touches from their partner. They found themselves in what would have otherwise been a comfortable silence.

After a few minutes of this, they made eye contact once more. Alexander recalled the short kisses they had in the past, and his mind started to race. Every moment of their relationship flashed before them. Their awkward initial conversations, the glances they first got from Jefferson's group, the magic between them when they first kissed, the spark between their fingertips as they held hands. And seemingly, at this moment, Alexander began to see other people in Eliza's shiny black eyes. Angelica, the reason they met, with her sophisticated way of speaking. Everything about her had been so captivating to Alexander. Her eyes shared their hard colour with her sister's, but she held them differently. Narrow. Stern. But he could see her soft soul underneath that, could he not? The distant throbbing of Alex's head reminded him of Thomas, and the strange way he dressed and acted. He was certainly unlike anyone he had met before, but everyone knew the opinion he held of that boy. His friends, who were convening downstairs, who would get to an unsuitable level of drunkeness by the time he'd return. Lafayette's ornate accent. Laurens' glistening eyes and the overwhelming brightness of his smile, which was almost as enticing as his kindness. And after all of this, he returned to looking at his girl and her lovely black eyes that still continued to consume him. All of her qualities were starting to become more tantalising as they stared at each other. Her small, puckered lips. The soft line between her chin and her neck. The gentle rising and falling of her chest as she breathed. And the way her eyes were clouded over from somnolence. She never wore much makeup, which was something he loved about her because it meant he could see her as she truly was. She was genuine. 

Alexander quickly realised that he had a desire for this young woman, and felt his pulse speed up as his thoughts spiralled deeper. He sat up slightly, holding her in such a position that supported her back with one hand, and the other hand glided over her cheek lightly. As if stunned by the sudden movement, she became visibly stiff, then enthralled to his touch quickly after as his arm travelled up to her neck, wrapping around. She lett out a deep sigh in anticipation, leant in, and executed her will for their lips to touch. 

The kiss was deep and passionate, unlike anything the two had ever done together before. Their lips refused to part as their position changed so that Alex was on top. His hands started to roam her body subconsciously, and Eliza's eyes flickered open at the touch. She could taste the beer on his breathe. She could see how out of it he really was. The eagerness in his movements suggested he was after much more than she was willing to give in that moment. And while all of this was exciting and new, she didn't want things to happen so quick, and especially didn't want anything happening while he was in this state. 

Eliza broke away from the kiss, to which he responded by moving his lips down to her neck and collarbones. He misunderstood. 

"Alexander..." his name was said softly and wavered, coming out as a tone lacking in confidence. 

But he didn't realise what she wanted, allowing his fingers to slip under her shirt for a moment, grazing the skin of her lower back. This caught her by surprise and she wriggled away from the touch. 

_"Alexander," _she said with a much firmer tone than before, which caught his attention. 

He shifted his weight off of her and she crawled back until she was fully sitting on the bed again. Guilt began to overwhelm Alex as he came to realisation that he did something wrong, but for once, he couldn't say anything. 

Eliza swallowed, "You're drunk." 

His face went cold, but his gaze remained soft, "Eliza..." 

"I'm not doing this while you're like this." 

Alexander sat up, dangling his legs over the side of the bed. His eyes were uncertain of where to look; focusing on spots on the floor, before his head turned to glance at Eliza in her vulnerable state. She looked hurt, and an overwhelming feeling of regret churned in his stomach, enough to bring a tear to his eye. "I'm so sorry..." 

He knew it was more than just being drunk. The two had never even discussed the topic of sex before, so this was definitely a shock to her. To have all of these actions and feelings thrust on her without her approval, and all bundled into such a short time. 

Eliza wasn't sure how to react. She sat there still for a moment, before reaching out a hand to touch Hamilton's, "Hey..." she began, "You can stay you know. You don't have to feel bad." 

He subtly wiped the falling tear from his cheek, pushing down his emotions just to speak, "I don't know what to say." 

"I'm just not ready yet," she affirmed, "You didn't know that... but you listened to me. You didn't do anything wrong." 

"I'm so fucking sorry, Eliza."

"Alexander," he cringed at his name, "If you apologise again, I'm going to hit you over the head." 

He let out a quick, humourless laugh, before standing up, ready to leave the room from shame. He looked around; "Can you pass me my beer?" 

She didn't particularly want him to get drunk, and definitely didn't want him to go yet. But she complied, reaching to the other side of the bed and handing the bottle to him. He took a long swig, finishing it, and she knew he was going to head out. But a strong feeling of sadness took over her, and she began to plead; "Alex..." 

"Yeah?" 

She sputtered, almost needy, "Please stay with me for a little longer." 

So he joined her back in bed once more. They laid on the upper side this time, resting their heads on the pillows. He was cautious about any contact, but she snuggled up next to him again, draping an arm around his waist. Eliza could feel how tense he was, but repositioned herself so that his hand would have to move around her, before shutting her eyes comfortably. Alex looked down at the girl in his arms, and he felt content once again. She might just have been the best thing in his life. He let out a deep sigh of gratitude. Eliza really was the kindest soul there was. 


	6. SIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small bit of smut. Nothing major.

After migrating inside, the group of three were on the dance floor. Lafayette, Hercules and John. It was crowded, but they managed to stay together performing obnoxious dance moves that still managed to work with the beat of the song. They were all having such a good time, but struggling not to spill their drinks. They hadn't spent time like this together in so long, and it was amazing for them all to just let go.

Once they were done dancing, the three secured a spot outside again on a seat. They had run out of the beer that John brought, and were now onto cracking open cans of Bourbon that Mulligan brought with him. They laughed as they opened the fizzy cans, and one of them sprayed everywhere. They all finally had a chance to talk.

"How nice is this, eh?" Hercules remarked.

"Alexander is still upstairs, no?" Lafayette chuckled, "You know what that means."

He made some obscure comments about his sex life, to which Laurens became uncomfortable. The thought that Alexander might be having sex with someone at that time made him feel understandably uncomfortable, and not in a jealous sense. Mulligan was the one who noticed this.

"He still doesn't know you're gay, does he?"

"Nah, I haven't told him yet." It wasn't that important to John what Alex thought of his sexuality. He never made it a big part of who he was, and it was always a minor detail instead of some important fact, and that's how he preferred to keep it.

Lafayette leaned closer so he wouldn't have to yell over the music, "You'll have to tell him eventually."

John sighed, “I’ll tell him when you do.”

The two had had conversations about their sexuality before. It was obvious that Lafayette wasn’t nearly as straight as everyone thought, but he never seemed to pretend to be. That was something John had always envied. His friend wasn’t in a position where he had to act straight, and he could just be himself. Nobody even thought much of it.

Despite this, Lafayette had never felt the need to label himself. Never had he claimed to be bisexual or homosexual. It never seemed important to him.

So when John said that to him, he had scoffed, “I don’t think that’s necessary in my case, _mon ami.” _

Laurens shrugged "He's the smartest out of all of us. He'll figure it out."

“It doesn’t take a genius to work out that Laf’s not entirely straight,” Hercules joined in simply to tease. This earned him a fake indignant look from the Frenchman.

Hercules had never felt troubled by his friends’ sexuality. Sure, he had occasionally been mocked for being too straight, as they would put it, but both Lafayette and John would confide in him if they needed advice. He made sure they always felt comfortable to talk to him and was more than vaguely aware of John’s situation at home. He never wanted to contribute to that in any way and always made sure he was supportive. But that didn’t mean that he couldn’t poke fun of them here and there.

John had always been kind of ashamed of the way he told Hercules and Lafayette that he was gay. He didn't outright say it. No, he just _had _to give them a lecture about equal rights. Which was before he was well educated on that matter. So whenever John thought about the way he told them, he felt annoyed at himself for wanting to be special, especially since his friends supported him anyway. If he told Alexander, then he would have to be sure of two things. The first would be that he didn't make it a big deal, and the second would be that he didn't slip up and confess his feelings to Alex while he was at it.

He had always despised himself in a way for being attracted to boys, and he even felt like his father knew. At a young age, he remembers his father telling people that he wasn't into females and that he'd grow up eventually, but now he was getting to the age where he should be looking for a girlfriend and he just wasn't interested. He mainly blamed his father as the reason he had a hard time coming out to people. The majority of people around John were accepting, and it seemed harder to find someone who was unsupportive than someone who was. It was getting to the point where his father could figure it out, and he was dreading that more than anything.

It was around that time when he spotted a familiar face in the darkness of the party, and it was a miracle that he could even see that far in his drunken state.

"Herc," he called, standing up, "Hold this for a minute." He passed his drink.

Just like that he walked away. Mulligan and Lafayette watched as he staggered over to the bar they found him at.

"What the hell is he doing?" Hercules asked to himself.

Laurens walked up to a guy wearing a blue shirt and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned to John, and that's when they realised why he had got up and left.

"Is that..." Lafayette squinted to make sure he saw the right person, "That's Charles Lee!"

"What is he doing here?" Mulligan watched as Charles spoke to his friend, but there was no chance they could make out a word of their conversation, "He hasn't spoken to Jefferson since sophomore year. He doesn't even go to our school."

"The bigger question is why is John speaking to him?" Lafeyette seemed almost mad, "I thought they... er..." he couldn't find the right word, _"Se séparer?"_

"Stopped seeing each other?" Mulligan understood, and shared the same amount of anger as his friend did, "I know."

They were protective, if anything. John had several encounters with Charles Lee in the last year, but they hadn't seen each other in months. Majorly, the reason to this was because Charles was seeing other people at the same time as John, which made him feel all too terrible and his friends would have to comfort Laurens when everything got too intense between them. They never officially dated, but to be discarded in place of someone else every time caused John to be especially down until he won back his attention. It had been months since they had even heard a mention of Charles Lee's name and figured the time those two spent with each other was at an end. Clearly, however, that night was meant to play out a different way.

So why was John approaching Charles Lee now?

Frustration had built up in the short week that had followed before the party. John needed something to take the edge off, and even his inebriation wasn’t enough. Seeing his ex had invoked a spark in him for something he didn’t realise he needed – something he hadn’t needed for so long now.

Truly, he didn’t think it wrong if he just came to ask to fuck.

Over by the bar, the two stood side by side. John was nervous to proposition Charles; it had always been the other way around, and after everything that happened between them, it was a difficult thing to do.

"What are you doing here, anyway?" John asked.

"I heard about this party from a couple-o juniors at my school. Thought I'd come and crash it, but it's been alright." Charles let his eyes linger on the shorter man's body for a little too long, clearly suggesting something with his glance, "And what brings you here, _Johnny?"_

John smirked, the thought of Alexander filling his mind, but he decided that it wouldn't be smart to talk about that, "Same as you, I suppose."

Charles gazed off into the house, seeing Jefferson taking more shots in the kitchen with the loud sound of music in the background. He had to have been drunk enough to kill himself by now. Sitting on a patio table next to the back door were two boys he had a hard time recognising; Mulligan and Lafayette. He knew they were watching, and the pressure was on after everything that happened. He looked back down at John, ego taking over his entire being, and asked, "I mean... what brings you over here? To speak to me?"

Laurens broke character. For a moment, he wasn't cool and collected, and he let out a breathy sigh. There had always been something about Charles that was appealing to him, but he could never place it until this moment. This guy knew how to make John swoon with only his words, and it proved time and time again to be the most frustrating thing.

He took a deep breath, collected himself once again, and he said, "I know you don't have anyone important here with you tonight, so listen - this is your last chance to have me again. So don't you waste it."

Charles wasn't sure to be amused by the desperate tone in John's voice, but he didn't laugh, "You definitely sound sure of yourself."

John looked him up and down, "By the look of you, I think you need it, _Charlie."_

This caused Charles to direct his full attention on John. The nicknames that they had for each other were entirely between them. No one else had even seen them call each other by them. And revisiting all of their old habits was exciting. Judging by the look on his face - eyes suddenly going back, mouth gaping open a slight bit - Laurens knew he was about to get what he wanted.

"I'll see you upstairs then?"

His voice was tantalising to Charles, who took a sip of his drink to calm himself down, "Be ready when I get up there. Just let me finish my drink."

John could feel the hot eyes of his friends staring into the back of his head. But still, the excitement boiled in him as the command washed over him. This night was going to be more eventful than he planned. He walked back over to where Mulligan and Lafayette sat, who both stared at him annoyed.

"Yo, I'm gonna be gone for a while," Laurens took back his drink from Hercules, almost finishing it before putting it back down.

Lafayette mumbled something inaudible in French.

Mulligan was visibly fuming, "Are you fucking joking, John?"

He grimaced at his friend's tone, but refused to show emotion, "You don't have to worry."

"You know what happened last time."

"It's not gonna be like last time," he did his best not to roll his eyes. He was about to leave, until he remembered Alexander. If he came back then they would have to explain where he went, but he had no time to think of any excuses. So he told them, "Don't tell Alex where I am. I'd rather say myself."

"John-"

"I'll be back before you know I'm gone."

His friends knew that their protests wouldn't affect his decision making, and accepted that as he walked off - inside and up the stairs. Mulligan had enough of moping around in that one spot, "Get up."

"What?"

"We're grabbing some more drinks, come on."

-:-:-:-

When he and Charles Lee used to hook up on a regular basis, they developed a rhythm.

One of them would approach the other, seemingly out of nowhere, and make it clear what he wanted. After a short time of teasing each other, they would agree to move somewhere more private. Then together, they would engage in some of the most lewd and erotic acts they had ever performed – almost always going more than once. Only when they were truly too tired to continue would they clean up and part ways, only to repeat that same act the next week.

The conversation that John had just emerged from had filled him with an impure level of anticipation that manifested low his in gut. He needed to find a room that was suitable.

They had done this so many times that they never wasted time on specifying which room. It was always the same – meet each other upstairs in the closest unoccupied room to the staircase, and John prayed that Charles remembering the deal.

The door directly left of the top of the stairs led to a small yet well decorated bedroom. John silently thanked a force that wasn’t there that nobody was in that room as it saved himself some embarrassment. He flipped on the light and took in his surroundings. He had been to Jefferson’s house before when they were friends, but it seemed there was always a room he hadn’t been in yet. This room was noticeably more bland than any other in the house, with cheap curtains and a closet. But there was a double bed and a lock on the door, which made this seem like the perfect place for a hook up.

Whenever he was left waiting in the room by himself, he would do something to surprise Charles. In most cases, this was stripping. John manoeuvred his clothes off his body, discarding them on the floor. The door was not yet locked, which gave him a significant amount of fear that someone would walk in and see him indignant as such, but he kept his wits. He had done this before. If someone was going to walk in on them, then that would have happened by now.

John sighed as he finally removed his boxers. His bare skin seemed to be attacked by the cool air around him, and the atmosphere of the party sank into that room. His heart was beating quicker than ever – thumping through his throat – as he allowed himself to lie on his back and lie waiting to be joined.

It only took a few minutes for him to hear the door opening. His heart stopped for a few beats as terror shook him.

If this wasn’t Charles…

The thrill was so stimulating for him that he almost became disappointed when he saw the familiar face come around the door. Charles took a moment to examine the scene in front of him. John mentally cringed at the fact that the door was still open, and that anybody behind Charles could probably see him sprawled out on the bed. But the open door only stayed for a moment until a devious grin smeared his expression to something more smug. His eyes lapped hungrily at John’s exposed body, sending a chill coursing through them both.

When the door was shut so abruptly, John jumped a little. He heard Charles chuckle, amused, before a click. The door was locked.

John stretched his arms behind his head to support his neck, trying to radiate a cocky aura despite his shyness, “Took you long enough.”

His smug look didn’t falter as he approached the end of the bed, eying every inch of John’s body. It had been so long since he had seen John in this way, and he was trying to keep the image in his retinas. His creamy, ivory skin only littered by the imperfections of puberty and freckles coming down his chest. In every way, he was a sight to behold.

A hand swept itself cautiously over John’s ankle, pushing it to the side as if Charles was trying to get his legs more spread out, “If this is what I have to return to, I’d gladly make you wait longer.”

A strained laugh left John’s throat as he thought through what was about to happen. Interrupting his thoughts, Charles took both of his ankles and pulled them roughly towards him, flinging John as if he weighed nothing. Laurens gasped, the bedsheets below him created friction on his bare back. Before he knew it, his legs were dangling over the side of the bed and his face was being held in Charles’ palm.

It was an obscure position to be in. His arms were still sprawled out behind him from being dragged so quickly. The tender caress of the young man’s fingertips could have easily been mistaken for affection. But John knew better.

Clearly, it was a ruse. Something to string him on and then rip away from him. He was waiting for whatever was coming and was awfully suspicious when nothing did.

John slid his hands across the bedsheets until they reached the end of the bed. They tentatively found the older boy’s jeans and started to work their way up, gliding over the rough denim slowly.

Quickly Charles’ gaze turned into something more sensual – more sultry – as he realised where John’s fingers were headed. He glanced down at John’s mouth and saw the way his lips parted ever so slightly so he could breathe through the heat of the air. The hand pressed to John’s cheek shifted position down to his chin, causing them to look directly at each other. Slowly, a thumb slides over his lower lip, moving in circular motions back and forward, and eventually pushing its way in and forcing John to open his mouth wider obediently.

Each time they did something like this, it always had a distinct tone. Sometimes John would be more bratty, other times Charles would just lie back and allow John to do whatever he wants. This time, it was certainly the needy and desperate fuck that they both needed. They had no complaints and no misconceptions about why they were here. Anticipation filled them both as their contact began.

John’s hands approached the top of Charles’ jeans, tugging his belt in a silent promise. The action forced Charles to take a step closer, and then there were only mere inches between his hips and John’s mouth.

The older boy removed his thumb from John’s already swollen lips and looked down at him admiringly. He seemed to have forgotten how overwhelmingly exposed he was and felt his cock twitch at Charles’ expecting eyes glaring down at him.

Impulsively, one side of his lip tugged upward as he brought one of his hands behind and groped the other’s ass with a surprisingly hard squeeze. John could sense the falter in his bravado for just a moment as he took his hand off and brought it back down, hard. This caused a grunt to escape from Charles, where that movement sent a wave of shock straight to his cock.

It only took a moment more for Charles to _tsk_ in dissatisfaction and grip John’s hands strongly – an unnecessary display of force for what he was doing – and place them on the front of his pants.

John seemed amused at the sudden impetuosity, and smirked as he complied with what the older boy was clearly after. He fumbled with the belt buckle and discovered that Charles’ baggy jeans were becoming too tight for him. His heart pounded as he proceeded, everything blurring together in a few images. Belt on the floor. Undone button. Zipper down. Pants off. Boxers.

God, it wasn’t especially a sight he missed but it was certainly one to behold. Subconsciously, John licked his lips in foretaste.

Before he could process what was happening, there was a tight fist in his hair pulling him back. He whimpered, the hand forcing his neck at an uncomfortable angle so that John was now facing the ceiling.

“I’ll wipe that smile right off your fucking face if you aren’t careful.” The words were practically a growl, and it sent shivers running down John’s spine, contributing to his arousal as he realised just how vulnerable he truly was under Charles’ command. The fingers twisted harder, “Understand?”

John made an indescribable noise of affirmation.

Hardly a moment after, Charles had pulled him back closer to his boxers, and John made quick work of pulling them down. A discolouration appeared across John’s face as he stared at the length in front of him.

As ashamed as he would have been to say it, it had been a long time since he had done anything. Sure, he was gay. Perhaps the not the most flamboyant, but he had his fair (albeit small) share of encounters with his same kind. But he had never been the type to sleep around. Sadly, he had only been with two guys. And one of them hardly counted. A blowjob at a party because Charles was fucking a girl again. And it wasn’t exactly to his liking. The guy was so drunk he couldn’t say his own name properly, and it ruined the experience for him.

But whenever he slept with Charles, it felt special. Perhaps the boy was just good at sex – and since he had a break from everything, he was starting to believe more and more than this was the case – but regardless what it was, John became quickly addicted to it. Being help in that position was like relapsing. He didn’t need to actually _fuck _for Charles to make him feel good. If Charles were a drug, it would be heroin. Try it once, and you’ll never be able to sit still without it again, and you’re damned at the same time because you’ll never be able to recover from it fully. You’ll always feel like another go, another hit, another _fuck. _

And before he had the energy to catch up with his thoughts, John’s head had been pulled cursorily forward, and he was gagging on Charles’ hardness. It was unexpected and certainly unpleasant. Hands came up either side of Charles’ groin so he could brace himself, but by then his head was being slowly bobbed up and down. Sounds were escaping from the boy above him – pleased with what was happening – accompanied by the involuntary slurping and choked noises coming out of John’s throat that he wasn’t conscious of making, nor was he lucid enough to stop. Everything felt like a daze, and the bobbing of John’s head became in beat to the thumping of the music downstairs. The sounds swelled in the room and drowned each other out.


	7. SEVEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: gay and cheating, if they count.

A possessive, intruding hand clung around John's waist as he stared up at the ceiling. Frankly, he was disappointed in himself for caving into his own desires, and ashamed that he thought that Charles Lee could fulfil them. Of course he couldn't, and now John was left dejected and blank. 

He felt ridiculed. How could he have done this? Now that the act was done, he could see it clearer than anything that Charles was nothing but a disgusting little bag of shit that John should have never pursued. Perhaps he should have listened to his friends. _Or perhaps, _a voice crept into his head, _he’s just gotten bad at sex. _Disgusted with himself, he almost gagged. It was definitely one of the two, and John was not willing to explore either of them now.

Prying the arm off of his body, he stood up and started getting himself dressed, ignoring the stare of the older boy now lying in bed. 

"Leaving so soon, _Johnny?" _he taunted, "Don't you want to stay and cuddle?" 

Laurens winced at the memory of when they had first started seeing each other. Things were so light back then, feeling like he was constantly on a high whenever he was around the other. Experiencing feelings and scenarios that he never had before. Charles had been his first in many ways like that, but all those feelings were gone. Now all was left was a bitter resentment that not even the comforts of sensuality could restore. 

He slipped on his shirt, speaking flatly, "Funny." 

"Hey, I'm just teasing," Lee's voice went into a flirty purr that made John uncomfortable and stretched onto his back with hands behind his head, "You know, you and me should do this again sometime." 

He couldn't stop the scoff that escaped his mouth, "You've got to be fucking kidding." 

"What do you mean?" Charles was looking John in the eyes. That wasn't the expected reaction. 

John had enough pills. Enough heroin. Enough injections. Enough sex. _Enough _of Charles. And John finally felt the euphoria of a clear head that he had heard so much about. For so long, Charles had been his drug. Everything was benign when they were together, it seemed. But it seemed as though the void was finally filled, or that the tumour had finally died. Even after this relapse, John was recovering. There was no longer anything positive about taking his drugs anymore. Nothing left that Charles had to offer.

Tension that had built up for a far too long time had embodied itself as anger in John. Suddenly, he had far more to say than he ever had before. 

"What do I mean?" His gestures were big and his voice became quite expressive, "You can't just do this with me for a night and expect me to come crawling back to you. I did that for a full year and you never gave a shit. I needed this tonight, Charles, but I'm done. I was serious about this being your last time. We're not gonna do this again and that's for the better." 

Charles hadn't heard John speak like that before, especially not to him. Their conversations were always friendly or sexually charged. The only time they had gotten hostile like this before was when they decided they wouldn't see each other anymore, and that had been three months prior. "I disagree," he said after a moment. 

"Do you now?" John fixed himself up in the mirror, running a hand through his hair to make himself look presentable. 

"Yeah, I do," he sat up and glared at the boy who was looking away from him, "I think you need me, John. At least part of you does. That's why you came back to me after so long." 

Laurens' stomach tightened into a knot. He wasn't okay with that being the reality. He knew it wasn't true. Relapses were a part of recovery, he told himself. So why did it bother him so much? The words that he wanted to say were right there in his head. 

_You make me fucking sick. _

But they couldn't find a way to leave John's lips. 

"That's not true," his angry demeaner had already dropped, which made his words lose their cutting edge. 

"I think it's true," a sickening smirk came to his face, "I mean, we both know how I make you feel." 

They both knew what he was trying to do. He felt shitty about himself, so he tried to make himself an important figure in John’s life so he wouldn’t have to feel guilty about anything. That’s what drugs did. They took away that guilt, and Charles was trying to create a pit of regret for John to fall in so he could be the one to pull him out, only to get used again. But John knew this information now. Charles had no power over him then.

John felt as though someone was twisting his stomach, tightening the knot further and further so it wouldn't come undone. "You haven't made me feel good about myself in half a year. I'm not keen on seeing someone like that." 

"Come on, John," his words slurred, "Just think about it." 

"I have thought about it," he admitted, bluntly. His face turned dark for a moment before finally, he looked behind him at the taller boy now sitting on the bed. He sighed, "I'm not doing anything like that again." 

Charles winced, "John-" 

"I don't want anything to do with you. Please don't talk to me again." 

He started to stand, but John backed away to get closer to the door. 

"Fuck off, Lee!" he said a little too loud. They stood in silence for a moment, neither of them moving. Charles was admittedly a little hurt being referred to as just his last name, especially after what had happened that night. John sighed, continuing, "I don't want this. I don't want you. I'm going." 

He heard Lee start to protest, but didn't register anything that he was saying. He shut the door and took a sigh as he disturbed some couple making out in the hall. Apologetically, he glanced down and started walking to his friends. 

Everything happened so quick, and all John knew was that he needed to get out of there and enjoy the rest of the party. 

So that's what he did, with only a few extra drinks that he wouldn't normally have had. 

Relapsing was a part of recovery.

-:-:-:-

Jefferson could smell the sweet scent of the girl’s perfume, mixed in with the peach Chapstick. It wasn’t often that he met a girl that didn’t adorn herself with jewellery or cover her smell with some musky earthen deodorant. The fruit was a welcomed change, though he couldn’t quite place where he had smelt it before. Her denim skirt was tight around her hips and clung to her waist in a way that perfectly accentuated her figure. This was where Thomas’ eyes began to roam. She wore a crop top which did nothing but compliment everything she had at her disposal, and her eyes were lazy; long eyelashes almost fluttering shut at the softer parts of the song being played. Like she were about to drift away, only to awaken suddenly and smile in Thomas’ presence, with those glossy, well-shaped lips of hers. Her curly locks fell into place on her shoulders, so delicately she was almost angelic. But then Thomas glanced down at the bar and saw the can of vodka she was holding. She was drunk, and Thomas suddenly was less amused by her capturing appearance, and more willing to get down to business.

Regardless, this wasn’t the first time they did this, though it was the first time people would see them. They sat side-by-side at the bar. The girl tentatively taking sips of her drink to try and stay awake, and occasionally Thomas would shout something to try and have a conversation, though their inebriation impeded them greatly in this scenario.

A hand began to creep onto the girl’s thighs, and they were aware they had an audience. The viewers went ignored as the hand trailed up and back, cupping the girl’s behind and pulling her out of the stool. She stumbled off of the chair and straight into Thomas’ lap, where he made a drunken attempt at flirting in her ear. Somehow, it worked, and all of them watched as the girl took her seat on Jefferson’s legs, and shockingly – most horribly – their mouths locked.

It was horrid. A desperate attempt to move lips and tongue gracefully, only for teeth to get in the way and knock and clank together. But this didn’t soil it for them. Somehow the saliva navigated out of both of their mouths and started dripping down her chin.

That was what Angelica saw when she walked back. Two drinks in hand, with a smile that immediately dissipated when she saw her boyfriend kissing that girl. Recognition didn’t kick in. it didn’t matter who she was – that was a different matter – but the one thing she was certain of was that this was her boyfriend. And he would hear all about it.

The screaming drew more eyes to the horrifying scene. Angelica’s frantic sentences did nothing to mitigate the situation at hand. She hurled insults at the both of them, and in turn received a lecture about how she wouldn’t have found out if she _minded her own damn business. _Which, in turn, gave Angelica the supposed clearance to curse them both, pour a drink over Thomas’ head, and walk out hand-in-hand with her sister before Jefferson retaliated.

That was the last moment that anyone there saw anything of Thomas and the girl, as they retreated to his bedroom upstairs. It seemed as though they had forgotten, somehow, that this was his house.

Lafayette, Hercules and Alex (who around that time, had just returned from his ‘excursion’ with Eliza) had watched it all. All three of them fumed with anger. But they decided that this wasn’t the time or place, and that it was better for them to leave. When John returned (who, despite his best efforts, was covered in sweat, had a hard time avoiding both the invasive questions from Alex and the disturbed looks from his friends), Alexander led him out to wait for his brother’s car, and together (after saying goodbye to the other two), they drove home.

-:-:-:-

They got home about 3:20 in the morning. James decided to stay up watching TV a little longer, and let the boys go to Alexander's room to crash.

He threw John a bottle of water, "Drink up. It'll kill the hangover in the morning. We can sleep the rest of it off."

He opened the bottle and sculled some water, not realising how thirsty he had been before then. Both of them had had an eventful night, and neither of them were particularly thrilled about it. But John noticed that Alex hadn't said much since he had come back from seeing Eliza, which was suspiciously out of character for Hamilton, who always had something to say. Laurens sighed as he sat on his friend's bed, and Alex started pacing; a nervous habit. That's when he knew that something wasn't right.

"What happened with Eliza?" he asked cautiously.

Alexander sneered at this, though it couldn't be sure if he was annoyed or amused. His arms came up in a shrug, and his face manifested a sad smile, "I don't know."

John slipped his shoes off, sliding into the messy bed, "You can talk to me, man. It's okay." He didn't want to just believe that he slept with Eliza like the rest of them. He had come to know this guy over the short time that he'd been around him and could sense that something wasn't quite the same.

Hamilton casually changed his shirt in front of Laurens without a word, making himself more comfortable for bed. He took his time to answer, only saying something after he had sat on the side of his bed. It was a rather depressing sight. His shoulders slumped and his elbows went between his knees. A sigh. "I fucked up man."

There was a hidden anguish in Alex's voice that hurt John to listen to.

He continued; "I... misjudged the situation. And I went too far. It was a heat of the moment thing, and I thought it would all be okay. But she wasn't comfortable with doing that and - and I upset her."

"Surely you didn't do anything that bad," his friend reassured, lying back and supporting his neck with his hand behind his head. Though doubt burned in his mind. What if Alexander wasn’t the good guy he had suspected? _What he was referencing could have been rape, _he thought cautiously. _Though, it almost certainly wasn’t…_

"Of course not, but you don't understand..." Alexander looked back at John, "We didn't do anything."

For John, that was relieving to hear.

"I think I hurt her really bad and I don't know what to do." He let out a humourless laugh, "Now, she probably thinks I just want sex from her. And I genuinely want a relationship with her but she's not gonna believe me after tonight. I don't want sex. That's not all I want."

"Alex, just breathe," Laurens told him, breathing away the thoughts of pursued fantasies that night, "Eliza... she's one of the sweetest people I've ever met. No matter what you did, she's going to forgive you. It won't last."

"Maybe she shouldn't," he paused for a moment, "I just don't know what to do. But I'll figure it out."

"I know you will."

John felt a touch on his arm, and looking up he could see Alex looking down at him despite his blurred vision. "Thanks man," he managed to say.

The two laid there in silence for a minute or so. Each of them had their own racing thoughts after that night. All those shots. Jefferson and Angelica. Eliza. Hercules and Lafayette. Beer and bourbon. So much had happened, yet all John could think about was Charles Lee. The way they looked at each other and spoke so provocatively again. He wasn't sure if he missed him or just craved affection. Parts of him were sore after everything that went on, but it wasn't too bad. John had been through worse. He forced himself to stop thinking of it, but his mind instinctively replaced Charles with Alexander. Butterflies filled his stomach for a moment as he remembered the way he felt about his friend. It was such an innocent and tender desire, like the moment they were in. John realised he wanted nothing as much as he wanted to be close to Alex. But he finally had to come clean about something.

"Hey, Alex?" he said unsurely.

"Yo?"

John was filled with nerves, and had to be very deliberate about what he said so he didn't stutter. He stared up at the ceiling as he spoke.

"I'm gay."

Alex took a moment to process what his friend had said, before sitting up on the bed and looking at John, "Do other people know?"

He allowed himself to breathe once more, and like the oxygen filling up his lungs, he respired, "Herc and Lafayette, but no one else."

His friend sensed his panic, and smiled which sent away all the nerves in his being, "And who's the lucky guy that gets you?"

John turned a shade of red, and started laughing, "Alex-"

"I'm just kidding, you don't need to know that yet," Alexander tapped him playfully on the shoulder. John swore he saw a twitch of the eye there. A twitch that alarmingly resembled something so close to a wink. But he couldn’t bring himself to accept what his vision told him. Alex wanted to ask a few more questions just to make his friend more comfortable, "How long have you known?"

"Always?" John sat up, "I hate saying that because it sounds cliche but even my dad said I wasn't into girls when I was younger." 

This seemed to contradict something he had said before, "Does your dad know?" 

"Oh god," he grabbed his head, and spoke in a suppressed manner, "You clearly don't know my dad. I couldn't ever tell him. He'd... he'd fuckin' kill me, man." 

Alex furrowed his brows, getting slightly angry. He felt sorry for him, but didn't know what to say, so he asked something else, "Have you ever dated a girl before?" 

"Not willingly," he chuckled, "Her name was Martha. She still goes to the same school as us, actually. Lafayette and Hercules convinced me to ask her out in Sophomore year. We dated for a few weeks then I realised it wasn't working out and broke up with her. Then I came out to those others soon after." 

"Oh, wow," he commented, "So... have you dated any boys?" 

John froze. _Just Charles._ And that hardly counted to anybody but him.He sighed, pushing away thoughts from earlier, "Only one, but I think that's a story for another night. If you don't mind." 

He noticed that his friend was becoming a little uncomfortable, and without warning or hesitation, flung himself on his friend in a tight embrace. It happened too quickly for John to hug back at this stage, but it touched him closely, "Thank you for telling me."

His voice was warm and buttery - soothing for John to here as he wrapped his arms around Alex's back, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

"Oh-" Alex pulled out of the hug rather quickly to start to rant, "I think we're all a little gay, John. You didn't need to tell me, but I'm glad you did."

Somehow, he had just said the very thing that John needed to here. Even if Alex had just confused him and got his hopes up far too much, he still appreciated how his friend had taken it. John had become aware of how tired he was after that night, sinking back down into his pillow and watched his friend as he gulped down some water.

"I love you, John," Alexander's voice cut through the near silent room, and no doubt took his friend by surprise. The content of the words was something he never thought he'd hear from someone as dear to him as Alex proved to be.

He drowsily replied, "I love you too," which won a smile from Hamilton before he lulled off to sleep.


	8. EIGHT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oof third HamilBomb months later. I misplaced the original document I was writing in, which made me sad because I couldn't remember where the story was going. Anyway, this is kind of cringey but I'll edit it later. I really do just wanna put things out there.

Thomas woke up with a splitting headache. The room was white and blurry - far too bright for his eyes to adjust to properly. They left the light on while they slept, which he was regretting now more than he ever thought he would have. After a few minutes of lying there, he finally managed to sit up. 

His room was carnage. Bedsheets pulled off, pillows on the floor, spilt drinks and empty bottles lying all over the ground. He sighed, depressed he would later have to clean this up. But as he looked over to the other side of his bed, he was riddled with confusion. 

Where was Sally? 

A clatter disturbed him from his thoughts about the night before. He got up out of his bed, slipped on a night gown, and checked the time on his phone. 11:34AM. _Too early. _He walked out of his room. Heading downstairs, he could see into the kitchen, and saw his friend James Madison and Sally Hemmings with plastic bags, picking up bottles and cans from the party. They saw him before he could speak. 

"Morning, sunshine," Madison mocked. 

Thomas let out an annoyed grunt, "How long have you two been up?" 

"Not long, we've just started cleaning now, actually," Sally beamed at Thomas' presence, "Morning." 

Jefferson forced himself to smile, retreating to his phone almost instinctively after. Admittedly, he had never shown much interest in her unless they were both drunk. Which wasn't good - Thomas knew this. But when he was drunk, he claimed no responsibility over the choices he made. On his phone lockscreen, he was overwhelmed with messages and missed calls. All from Angelica. This is all it took to get him overwhelmed with annoyance. 

**Angelica: I hope that you know it's over between us. What you did with that other girl is unacceptable. I'm not even mad. I don't know what I thought when I started dating you or how I could have expected better but somehow I still manage to be disappointed with the way things turn out. You're ridiculous. So have fun with Sally Hemmings because I'm not competing with her. Go make her happy!**

"Madison," he called, "Take a look at this." 

He approached James with his phone open, the apparent 26 messages he got from Angelica on screen. His friend put the plastic bag he was holding down, doing a double take on that screen, before sighing, "Someone's oughta let things go." 

"Tell me about it," he turned off his phone, "And there's still more!" 

"Just don't respond to her. What are they gonna do?" 

"I don't plan to say anything, but I make no promise that I won't." He switched off his phone, quite aware that he had his 'read' reciept switched on. Madison shook his head. He didn't approve of Thomas' actions, but he didn't think it was his place to say anything. Jefferson continued, "I just wish she'd let it go. She must have known that we have been over for a while now." 

Sally's ears perked up at the mention of another female, before realising who they were talking about. She stopped cleaning and came over to where Thomas was, "You said that you were going to tell Angelica about us last time." 

Thomas had been dating Angelica for about three months. They never had an exciting relationship, and she certainly wasn't that engaged with him. One night about a month ago, he slept with Sally Hemmings, and that's when he realised that it wasn't going to work out with Schuyler. But he never spoke to her about it. Sally started to get frustrated, because things kept happening between them and even though she cared for him very much, he wasn't honest to his girlfriend no matter how much she begged for her to know the truth. And he was getting sick of it. In response to this loaded comment, Jefferson just rolled his eyes, and answered simply, "Well I could never find the right time, okay? And she knows now so it doesn't matter anymore." 

A horrible feeling rose in her stomach. She suddenly had a realisation of what Angelica must have been going through. 

Thomas' head started throbbing, and he groaned, "Ah shit."

Sally noticed him holding his head, and placed a hand on his arm to comfort him, "Are you alright?" 

"My goddamn head is killing me," he complained, walking to the living room with Sally following, "I need to sit down." 

"How much did you have to drink?" James asked. 

"Do you really wanna know the answer to that?" 

Sally hovered by him for a moment, "I'll get you some water." She tapped him on the shoulder before returning to the kitchen. 

James crouched down to be at the same level as his friend. He clicked his tongue at the act of kindness she just displayed, feeling sick as he knew that his friend had no intention on following through with anything. "What are you doing to that girl?"

"You mean Sally?" Thomas replied, drowsily. 

Madison hushed so that she wouldn't overhear them, "She has her heart set on being with you, Thomas." 

Jefferson recoiled, "What? No she doesn't. She knows that nothing serious is going to happen." 

His eyes glanced at the doorway leading to the kitchen. They could hear a glass clattering on the bench top. James knew what she was thinking, and didn't want his friend to be caught up in a scenario where he was stuck. He remembered what she had said to him this morning about finally getting to be with Jefferson now, and decided to tell him. "She thinks you broke up with Angelica to be with her." 

Thomas' eyes widened as he finally realised. Everything they had done together, everything she had asked of him, was so that she could end up with him. It wasn't something casual like he had originally thought. It explained everything, and Thomas felt as though he had been lied to in a way. Sally had developed feelings for him. What was he supposed to do now? He looked back at his friend, "I am not getting back into a relationship any time soon, and I'm sorry but that is something that she is just going to have to accept. I don't want to hurt her but I am not ready for that type of responsibility." 

James was inclined to agree, "Yes, but Thomas, that's the thing. What she deserves is the truth." 

"What she deserves is to get some self-awareness and not expect to suddenly be the most important part of my life." He knew that what he said would be offensive, but luckily, Sally had walked back in the room and he wouldn't get told off by James for being rude. 

"Here you go," she handed him the glass of water, "Drink up." 

"Thank you," Jefferson forced himself to say. He gulped down the water, not realising how much he needed that after the night he had. 

Madison looked guiltily over at Hemmings, knowing how much she cared for his friend and knowing how much he was soon going to hurt her. He sighed, "When do you have to go, Sally?" 

"Probably soon," she replied, sitting on the couch next to Thomas. She felt a sudden tinge of sadness, "I can leave now if you guys want me to."

James looked to his friend, who was shaking his head, "Stay for a little longer," Thomas insisted, letting an arm drape around her, much to the discomposure of Madison. How could he sit there and be surprised that she was falling for him if he treated her like he had feelings as well? Sally soaked up the attention from the guy she was interested, and the other boy in the room had to leave. "Where are you going?" Thomas asked. 

"I'm going to clean up for a little," he replied with a cough. 

His friend rolled his eyes, "Uh-huh." 

If this wasn't the epitome of their friendship, then it wouldn't be right. They loved each other - they really did. But that didn't mean they agreed on everything. James didn't appreciate how Thomas tried to be a pimp, and Thomas didn't appreciate James telling him what to do. Despite all of this, they never had any disagreements because they always knew what the other was thinking somehow. It was though Madison was the other's personal advisor; he always seemed to be handing out advice, and good advice at that. They had an agreement to stay out of each other's business, and that kept things from getting hostile. 

Thomas sunk into the couch as he finished off his water. Sally snuggled into him, basking in any sort of attention from him. They were both rather content to stay there for the remainder of the day. But as he sat there, he couldn't help thinking. Angelica was pissed at him, the entire school would be too when they found out what happened, and here he had his arm around another girl already, who he was sure to lose. Everyone would move on, wouldn't they? Yet, he was still left asking himself; _What have I done? _


	9. NINE

The rest of the weekend moved by fast. Sally left the Jefferson residence. James stayed over and went to school with Thomas the next day. Angelica had moved on from Thomas rather quickly, already deleting him from social media. After her initial rage over what he had done, she had decided not to dwell on a boy that didn't care for her, and continued on. It's not like she especially loved Thomas, but loyalty was an attractive trait which was something he didn't have. There weren't any qualities he missed that she couldn't get elsewhere. 

It was Monday lunchtime at school. Notably, everyone who had been at Jefferson's party retained dark bags under their eyes, and some still hadn't recovered. That was with the exception of Aaron Burr, who hadn't attended the party, and decided to grab lunch with Alex and sit with his group that day. 

Then it was just Laurens, Mulligan and Lafayette. They sat at their usual lunch table with John in the middle. The latter two were still slightly riled from the events with Charles Lee, but they were ready to let it go, and John was ready to forget about it. He was embarassed by what he did, "Guys, can we just let it go?" 

The other two looked at him, unsure what he was talking about. They weren't thinking of it. 

"With Charles Lee," he clarified, "I don't wanna think about that asshole anymore. I was drunk. I don't have any intention of seeing him again." 

Lafayette scoffed, "You better hope not." 

John remembered how that night ended. Lying with Alexander in his bed in the early hours of the morning, and hearing his gravelly voice as the two rested. It was one of the most meaningful moments he had ever shared with someone, though perhaps it was exaggerated because of his own feelings towards Hamilton. Even if John couldn't have Alexander, that situation was far more preferable than spending another moment in bed with Charles Lee. Nevertheless, he had something meaningful to say to his friends, "I came out to Alex." 

This caught the other two by surprise, and Hercules was full of happiness for his friend, "What? No way! Fuck you, come here," he wrapped an arm strongly around John's back and pulled him in for a tight hug to express how proud he was of his friend, to which Laurens replied by groaning in a playful, embarassed manner. 

Lafayette was left with a wide grin plastered on his face, "That's amazing!" 

"Okay, guys-" he pulled Mulligan's arm off of his back with a smile, "It's not that big of a deal." It was. He really did love his friends for all the support they had given him over the years. 

And Alex got to be a part of that now. 

He stared off in the lunch line to see Hamiton with Burr. He couldn't guess what they were talking about, and maybe it was creepy, but watching him fiddle with his lunch tray and play with his hair as he spoke was just so mesmerising. Laurens felt pathetic for being this engrossed with someone who not only had a girlfriend, but was also probably straight. But, he thought, what was the harm in having feelings for someone? As long as he didn't act on it, everything would be fine. He wasn't doing anything wrong if he kept his mouth shut. 

A few minutes passed and Alex had returned to their lunch table with Burr, taking their seat on the opposite side of the lunch table. They started bantering about the party. That was when they saw Jefferson enter the room with James Madison. Everyone stared at him. The tension was more fierce than any of them had seen in before. Everyone knew what Thomas had done, and it gathered all the more attention. He ignored the stares, and waltzed over to the lunch line. 

"Alexander," a voice that he didn't expect called out his name. Turning around, there were the two Schuyler sisters. 

"Angelica?" he and the rest of the group were unsure why they were there. 

Eliza smiled at him as her sister spoke, "Can we sit with you today?" 

He nodded, raising his eyebrows in surprise and gesturing to a spot next to him where they could take their seat. Eliza gave him a quick hug as she sat down, looking around hesitantly at the rest of his group. She had hardly spoken to the rest of them, and looked down shyly so she wouldn't have to say anything. John didn't know exactly what had happened between them, but he smiled when he saw they made up. 

"Why aren't you sitting with Thomas?" the clueless Aaron Burr inquired, earning him several looks to make him feel especially oblivious, "My god, what happened at this party?"

Angelica scoffed, "Let's just say that he's a bit too occupied to be of company to me at the moment." The glare she gave to his direction would be harsh enough to kill. 

He looked over at Hercules for someone to explain in full what was going on, but realised that he wasn't going to find out anything if he didn't ask, "You're going to have to elaborate." 

She looked to Burr, and spoke with a tinge of anger, "Well, we all found out on Saturday that he's been banging Sally Hemmings while I was with him." 

Everyone at the table was shocked at the bluntness of her statement, but Burr felt as though he had touched an all-too-sensitive topic, "Oh... I'm sorry to hear about that." 

"Don't worry about it," she made a puckered noise with her mouth to express her frustration, "It's more his loss than mine. It's not like he had too much to offer." It was then when Angelica looked directly at Burr and held up her fingers close together, as if to insinuate something rude about Thomas. The boys collectively let out an 'ooo' as they realised what she was saying. Eliza looked down and covered her red face as she laughed. 

Jefferson seemed to look over at this point to catch the glare of his ex girlfriend sitting at the same table as Alexander Hamilton and many of his old friends. He hid his anger quite well, turning away and cursing to Madison. It was needless to say that he stirred everything up quite a bit. He noticed the whispers as he turned his back. The looks he got and those that turned away because they obviously knew. But it's not like it phased him. Maybe he would forever be remembered as that guy that cheated on Angelica Schuyler, but no one else knew what truly happened. Everything they had heard were rumours, and he was fine with them thinking poorly of him if it wasn't the truth. 

The group talked intermittently at the table. About the party and Jefferson among other things, and it was clear that the Schuylers would be hanging around for a bit if they could. There was no chance they'd return to Thomas or the rest of his group. 

As the bell rang, Eliza pulled Alex by the arm away from the table to ask him something. 

"Do you think you can come over to my place on Wednesday night?" she asked, intently. 

He pondered, "Wednesday? What's Wednesday?" 

"It's my sister's birthday," she explained. 

Alex turned back to see if he could see Angelica, but Elizia pulled him back. 

"No, not that one," she laughed, "My other sister. Peggy. She's having a party at home and she said that we could bring someone." 

"So I have to come?" 

"You don't have to, I suppose, but I do want you to be there. I know it's late notice. Angelica was going to bring Thomas but... we know how _that _worked out." 

He laughed at the unintentional humour, taking her by the hands, "I'll be there, okay?" 

Eliza hummed in satisfaction, "Good." 

-:-:-:-

Hamilton arrived at their house. Balloons were attached to the fence to let people arriving know they were in the right place. He awkwardly held Peggy's present in a bag dangling from his side, and fixed his sweater before stepping up to the front porch. Their house was just as big as Jefferson's, and it reminded him about all sorts of things from the party. He pressed the doorbell, which rang out in the tune of a song from a Disney movie that he couldn't quite place. 

Less than a minute later, he heard a chain come undone on the door before it opened. Angelica stood in the doorway and smiled, "Hey Alex." 

He felt content as he saw Angelica. Her face was always held in a caring expression, and her intellect was prominent when she spoke. It was always so nice to see her smiling, "Can I come in?" 

She opened the door wider, gesturing to come in, "The party's in the living room. We're just blowing up some balloons now. You're early, so you get to help." 

As he walked in, he took in the extended grandeur of the house. Everything was white and polished - a classic style with modern elements. Being in a rich neighbourhood put him on edge. Scared to touch anything in case it broke. But he followed Angelica down their hall and into their living room, which was adorned with potted plants and wall decorations around their tan sofas and carpet. Kneeling on the floor blowing up balloons was Eliza, and two other girls that he hadn't met before that looked almost interchangable with each other. 

It was one of these girls, dressed in a yellow sweater, that noticed him first, but she tapped Eliza on the shoulder to pull her attention to the guy standing there. She looked up and grinned, "Alexander!" she tied off the balloon she was working on, stood up and hurried over to her boyfriend, wrapping her arms around him tightly, "I wasn't sure if you'd actually come."

This was quite amusing for him, "You really think I'd stand you up?" 

She shook her head, turning back around to see Angelica entering the room. She guided Hamilton in the doors, "Alex," she began, "I'd like you to meet my sister Peggy." 

The girl in the yellow sweater tied off her balloon and smirked at him, "Hey."

"How is it that we haven't met yet?" Alexander asked. 

She shrugged, "I'm in my sophomore year and I don't sit with my sisters. You wouldn't have had the chance." 

He seemed able to accept this reasoning. 

The girl next to Peggy finally caught his attention. Her hair was long and black and she wore a red low cut top. She was very attractive - almost hypnotic to look at. Eliza noticed his interest in her, and introduced her, "Alex, that's Maria." 

The two girls looked at each other, and Maria looked confused. "That's Alexander," Peggy said, "He's Eliza's boyfriend." They both giggled, making his face turn a shade of red. 

"Hey, give him a break," Angelica intervened, "He only just got here. You can tease him later." 

Peggy and her friend continued giggling to themselves as the rest of them sat down. They were in a circular shape, Alexander seated between Maria and Eliza. They all began working away and blowing up their balloons, gossiping amongst themselves idly. When the balloons were done, they figured they didn't have much time before the party started. Alexander laid down in Eliza's lap with hands behind his head for support as he looked up. 

Her younger sister was beginning to ask personal questions to work out if this new boy was suited to date Eliza. 

"So you're like from the Caribbean, aren't you?" 

"I am," he answered simply. 

"Where abouts?" 

"St. Croix." 

She furrowed her eyebrows as she tried to work out where that was, but the name was unfamiliar to her, "Yeah. I don't know where that is." 

Hamilton smiled, "You wouldn't know it." 

"Why did you move?" She asked innocently, "You only came here recently, right?" 

Alex winced as he recalled scarring events from his home town. They were too touchy to speak of right now, and decided that a brief answer would be acceptable, "Uh, I was offered a scholarship. And education where I come from isn't great. So my brother and I moved here so I could become a lawyer. He found a job as a carpenter. It's been pretty great since we got off that island, actually." 

"You don't miss it?" a different voice this time. Angelica. 

Several pictures entered Alex's mind. Pictures full of the atrocities that had occured in his home. The violent slam of the door when his father left his house for the last time. The fading touch of his mother. The lightning, which was the only source of light to allow him to watch that horrific storm. Yet, these pictures were not upsetting. Instead, he was filled with relief that these events were no longer near him anymore. As the answer to Angelica's question, he snickered and shook his head, "Not in the slightest." 

The other three girls began a conversation about something that Alex wasn't interested in. Instead of speaking with them, he sat up from Eliza's lap and latched onto her arm lovingly. "Thanks Eliza," he spoke as soft as a whisper. 

She turned a shade of red, becoming shy at the sudden affection, "What did I do?" 

"I didn't think you'd speak to me after what happened at the party," he admitted, "Most girls wouldn't, and I wouldn't blame them." 

Eliza kept her voice low so that the others wouldn't hear over their conversation, "Most guys would have just continued. But you listened to me. And I suppose I appreciate that more than anything." 

Alexander felt a genuine smile come to his face. Something about having her forgiveness was pleasing to him, and knowing that he didn't completely screw up like he had originally thought was a comforting reality. 

Eliza truly was one of the best things in his life. 

She excused herself to leave for the bathroom, and Peggy began to tease him again, "Aw, look at you two lovebirds. I swear, you two haven't been together for a minute and you're already in love." 

"Peggy, be kind to him," Angelica reminded her. 

"Hey! I'm being kind. You'll know when I'm not being kind." She seemed amused with herself, but her sister's glare was persistent. Peggy turned back to Alex, "I like you alright? You're a good match for my sister. But if you hurt her then I'll fuck you up." Her eyes narrowed in a joking way as she said this, and Alexander smiled. He was glad he was already fitting in with Eliza's family, and began to get the feeling that he would find out more about Peggy in the time to come. 

It was about this point in time where Hamilton became aware that the other girl in the room had her gaze set on him. Had she really been sitting next to him this whole time? Their eyes met for a moment, and he really took in her features. Her eyelashes were long with well-groomed eyebrows. She was wearing a fair bit of makeup for her age, with eyeliner wings and a tint of blush that made her seem more sophisticated. On her lips was a shiny lip gloss that worked all too well with the rest of her look. He continued with the impression that this girl, Maria, was very attractive. All these qualities of hers even made him forget that she had been staring at him. 

He hadn't realised that she hadn't yet spoken until he heard her voice. 

"What colour are your eyes?" she asked, innocently. Her voice was warm. Deeper and more powerful than he had expected, but this aspect breathed an attractive aura of maturity. 

Alexander wasn't expecting a question like this, and hummed as he became aware of his appearance. The question was strange, he'd be the first one to admit, and normally he'd answer something so simple without a second thought. But the way she looked at him was ravishing in every sense. It was hard for him to contain. He stumbled, "Uh... blue." 

A nervous laugh almost escaped him, but the tension between them grew so much that it wasn't necessary. She seemed to lean in to get a closer look at Alexander's eyes, allowing him to inhale the potent aroma of her perfume that proved to be quite inebriating in a matter of seconds. He continued staring back at her until she spoke again with her hospitable inflection; "They have a bit of purple in them." 

Suddenly, the calm and collected Alexander allowed his breathing to hitch. It wasn't the first time someone had noticed his eye colour. They were blue, but sometimes they appeared to be a lilac colour. He was well aware of the fact that some people were entranced by eyes, especially to a romantic extent. He was none the better, quickly becoming enthralled to Eliza's black eyes when they had started dating. Eyes revealed so much about a person's presentation. They were vital for human contact. Perhaps that was the reason he wasn't expecting Maria to comment on his eyes. Or perhaps it was simply because no one else he had met had noticed his eye colour that quickly. 

He composed himself, only faultering for a moment in real time, "So I've been told." 

Maria seemed to smile as she figured out the name of the colour, "They're like violet! That's so cool." Her voice went a pitch higher as she enthused, making Hamilton feel rather shy. 

This was when Peggy started to sense the tension between the two and immediately cut them off, "Alright, that's enough. Stop acting weird." 

Alexander finally looked away from Maria, but realised that he wanted to just continue to stare at her. All of her characteristics - all of her movements were somehow so captivating and alluring. Yet, he did look away. 

"I'm not being weird," she defended herself, "Can't I just be interested in his eye colour?" 

"Nope." 

Part of Peggy knew that what she just saw had not been a platonic exchange. She refused to believe that someone her sister liked so much would be capable of doing something like that, however, and simply ignored it. 

The rest of the party went by rather quickly. About seven more of Peggy's school friends had arrived and celebrated with her, and the junior students all crowded in a corner to try and escape from the incessant giggling of them all. They played party games, shared cake, and then it was time to open the presents. The birthday girl received many presents, among these being new makeup, a cheap phone case and even some new perfume from Maria. Alexander even earned a delighted hug from the younger girl when he presented her with new earrings that Eliza said she had been wanting for a while. He payed with them using some of the money he had brought with him from his old job in the Caribbean, and was overjoyed when Peggy liked them as much as she did. 

It was a few minutes before Alexander had to leave. The party had already finished, and he sat in the living room with Eliza by his side. Angelica had decided to go to her room about an hour before, and it was just them, some of Peggy's friends, and Maria. Since their interaction earlier that night, they had been exchanging sultry looks that had gone unnoticed by anyone else. Hamilton was determined to annul the attraction they both shared. This wasn't the type of person he was going to be, he decided. 

On an unrelated conversation, Peggy became shocked as she learnt something new of Alexander. 

"What do you mean you don't have an Instagram?" she had yelled. 

He seemed taken aback by this, and looked to his girlfriend for support, who only shrugged. "I mean I don't have one." 

"Okay, that has to change," she decided, holding out her hand expectantly, "Give me your phone." 

Eliza found this quite amusing. 

He couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous this situation was, and his face was starting to burn at the fact she had done this in front of all her friends. "What?" 

"Give me your phone. That's not a question." 

"I'm not-" 

He was cut off by Peggy grabbing the phone from beside him, pulling away quickly. She was surprised, "Please, you don't even have a passcode on your phone. What is this?" 

Alex feebly tried to swipe his phone back from her, earning a giggle from Maria. 

She stood up to get away from him and typed something up, allowing a puff of air to escape from her lips that resembled a laugh, "You make this too easy!" 

"What the hell are you doing anyway?" he was still trying to argue. 

"I'm making an Instagram for you," she explained as though it was obvious, "It'll take a minute because I need to download the app, but you'll be set by the time you leave." 

Alexander slumped down, defeated. He accepted that this was happening, as little as he wanted it to. Eliza put a hand on his shoulder to support him, but she burst out laughing at the hilarity of her sister's actions. 

A few minutes later, Peggy handed over his phone. 

"All done!" she smirked smugly, "You can thank me later." 

Alex scowled as he looked down at his phone to see an unfamiliar format that appeared to be his profile. The username was _A.Hamilton _and the profile picture was a photo that he definitely did not choose. It seemed that Peggy went through his photos and picked out an unflattering image of himself. He had no posts, no followers, and looked quite irritated. "I still don't see the point in having social media. It's not enough that I have a phone?" 

Peggy was reminded of something as he said this, "Oh! And I put my number in your contacts as well. I'm gonna add you on Instagram now." 

Despite her intensity at times, Alex especially appreciated Peggy. He felt a strong connection to her, and knew that the end of that night would not mark the end of their interactions, though he feared that he may have come out better acquainted with one of her friends. He could still feel the longing gazes from Maria, and frightfully, he didn't want them to stop. 

It was that moment where Hamilton got a message from his brother to tell him that he was outside. He gave Eliza and Peggy a hug goodbye before exiting the Schuyler mansion. 


	10. TEN

Instagram was certainly a strange phenomenon. Hamilton had spent the last few days experimenting with the new social media platform. He discovered the 'Explore' page accidentally, but ever since then, he had been intrigued by the videos of slime and animals that had come up. Were these the popular videos? Were they suited to him? And if they were suited, then how did Instagram know what he wanted to watch already? That page would remain a mystery to him, but would preoccupy all of his spare time in between study. The stubborn Alexander Hamilton would never admit it, but he was secretly glad that Peggy had forced him to make a profile. 

Since then, he had started 'following' several of his friends and people at his school. This included John, Lafayette, Hercules, Eliza, Angelica, Peggy, some of Peggy's friends from the party, and even Burr. He didn't care to follow any of the celebrities on the platform, and especially didn't care to have as many followers as them. He was quite content to just enjoy Instagram as he was doing now, even if it wasn't considered the right way. 

The only people he had messaged so far were Eliza, John and Burr. Eliza and him had switched from texting to 'direct messaging' in an effort to save their scarce mobile data. Generally, that was the case with John as well. And Burr had messaged him to welcome him to Instagram, and though that seemed a little forced, Alexander forced himself to appreciate it. 

At a moment on this particular Saturday, whilst Alex was scrolling through his explore page, he received a notification, and clicked on it instantly. 

A group chat with his friends. 

** _john.likes.turtles has added Hercules696, myfullnamewontfit, and A.Hamilton. _ **

** _john.likes.turtles renamed the group "Non-Stop Gang"._ **

Alexander smiled as he saw that John was typing. 

**john.likes.turtles: So I thought this would have already been done by now on imessage but it wasn't so I decided to add you guys to a groupchat and hope that it goes well. Hey guys! **

Hamilton began to type a response. 

**A.Hamilton: I like the name. **

**john.likes.turtles: Thanks lmao. **

**myfullnamewontfit: its about time someone made a groupchat for us**

**john.likes.turtles: Laf! you're on. **

**myfullnamewontfit: indeed**

**Hercules696: Shit im still not used to Alex having insta**

**A.Hamilton: I'm still not used to you guys butchering grammar and punctuation, but do you see me complaining? **

**Hercules696: Alexander  
Hercules696: When people text they do not use grammar**

**Hercules696: That is something you are going to have to get used to **

**A.Hamilton: Fine.  
A.Hamilton: But I refuse to use emojis. **

They idly chatted for a few minutes when Alex realised something. 

**A.Hamilton: I haven't posted yet. **

His friends were quick to respond. 

**myfullnamewontfit: do it**

**Hercules696: Do you even take photos**

**john.likes.turtles: Post! **

**A.Hamilton: But I don't know which photo to choose. **

**john.likes.turtles: Show us then. **

Alexander attached two photos that he had personally set out. One was of the four of them, photo taken by Aaron. The other was a selfie of him and Eliza, with her kissing him on the cheek. It had been taken a few weeks prior, in the early stages of their relationship. 

**john.likes.turtles: Omg both of them are amazing idk. **

**Hercules696: You should post the one with eliza. I know shed like that**

**john.likes.turtles: Yes, do that. **

**myfullnamewontfit: omg  
myfullnamewontfit: wtf is that  
myfullnamewontfit: is that  
myfullnamewontfit: that is my face  
myfullnamewontfit: people cannot see this  
myfullnamewontfit: no  
myfullnamewontfit: that is evil  
myfullnamewontfit: wtf is wrong with my face**

**myfullnamewontfit: get rid of it and never let it be seen by another soul**

Alexander found himself shamelessly chuckling at Lafayette's response. 

**A.Hamilton: Gilbert du Motier Lafayette... **

**myfullnamewontfit: who told him my full name**

**A.Hamilton: I have no doubt that more people have been attracted to you than you give yourself credit for and I will not sit idly by as you insult yourself. **

**myfullnamewontfit: its just a bad photo jeez**

**A.Hamilton: I don't care.   
A.Hamilton: (See how that has much more effect than 'idc'?)   
A.Hamilton: Be kind to yourself or we'll be kind to you. **

**myfullnamewontfit: k**

While it was frustrating when that was his only response, he knew he'd proved his point. 

**A.Hamilton: So, I'll post the photo with Eliza then? **

**Hercules696: Yes**

**john.likes.turtles: Do it. **

**myfullnamewontfit: please**

**Hercules696: You should caption it with  
Hercules696: 'Bby girl xx'**

Alex cocked his head. 

**A.Hamilton: What's a caption? **

**Hercules696: ...  
Hercules696: Ill show you monday **

Alexander compiled the post. He wasn't sure exactly how to do everything yet on this new cite, but that was the joy of it. When he clicked the 'post' button, within a minute, he had received several likes from his friends as well as some supportive comments. It made him smile knowing that his friends had helped him out doing this, and couldn't wait for when Eliza would get online. 

The group chat consumed his attention for the next half hour or so before he got another notification. This time, it was a follow request. He clicked on the profile to examine it, and glanced over the pictures, only for a sinking feeling to manifest itself in his stomach as he recognised the girl. 

The username; _maria_lewis_x_. 

Hamilton put his phone down for the first time in about ten minutes. He was shaken by the discovery of her profile. _Maria. _The party had been a mess. Was it cocky for him to think she'd been hitting on him? Asking about his eyes, staring at him shamelessly, and giggling at everything he said. When she glanced away it was only to apply more lip gloss, which drew Alexander's attention to her in ways he hated himself for. All he needed was a deep breath to compose himself. 

Then the question bugged him. What was he to do next? He opened his phone up again, clumsily typing in the new passcode that Peggy had mocked him for not having, and looked at her profile again, this time going through her photos. There were so many on her page. Some were simple selfies, others were group photos, but several of them were full body shots of her done up to look like a model. _And god, _Alex thought, _if she were a model, then she'd be good at it. _

No. He couldn't continue with this thought process. It was wrong to be thinking of her in that way. But his attraction to her could not be questioned, and unluckily for him, he had never been taught how to hide his feelings. 

If anyone else had beared witness to his thoughts at that moment, they would have thought that Eliza was lacking in some department, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Elizabeth Schuyler was the prettiest girl to Alexander. She was sweet, and kind, and understanding, and had those deep black eyes that he had found himself lost in countless times. It wasn't that Eliza was unnattractive. Perhaps it was the scandalous nature that made Maria seem so appealing, or perhaps he was truly attracted to her. Either way, Alexander was facing a very important decision. 

Unfortunately, he would lose his self control quickly after accepting her follow request. 

A now familiar flag came down from the top of his phone screen that told him he received a message. 

**maria_lewis_x: Hey there**

He glanced around, as if paranoid that someone would see his screen, and slumped up against the wall. Something bad was about to happen. He could feel the weight in the air. So why wasn't he dreading it? Why wasn't he scared? 

Why did he allow himself to start typing a reply to her? 

**A.Hamilton: Oh, hello. **

Just a moment later, his message was seen. The tension of the moment was almost exciting as he awaited her reply. The group chat and his post were long forgotten now, and so, it seemed, was his morality. 

**maria_lewis_x: You're that guy from the party, aren't you? **

**A.Hamilton: Peggy's birthday party? I am. **

**maria_lewis_x: I see  
maria_lewis_x: You know, I didn't know much about you while I was there, but I've been learning more and more about you. **

**A.Hamilton: Is that so? **

**maria_lewis_x: Mm yeah**

He could almost hear the sensual vibrations of her warm voice through the message. No doubt, this was her way of flirting. Alexander wouldn't have been surprised if she had done this before. 

**maria_lewis_x: I heard that you're going to become a lawyer**

**A.Hamilton: That's the plan at least. **

**maria_lewis_x: I think that's impressive.   
maria_lewis_x: It's not a secret but I think most of the people in sophomore are going to drop out soon. It's good to talk to someone who has some common sense. **

**A.Hamilton: What are you doing to do when you get out of school? **

She took a moment to respond. 

**maria_lewis_x: I'm not entirely sure yet.   
maria_lewis_x: My mother was a teacher. Maybe something to do with teaching, but I just don't know yet. **

Alexander tried to think of something to say, but something was still very prominent in his mind. Even if it wouldn't be very gentleman-like for him to ask this, he simply had to know what was going on. Why else would she message him like this after such a provocative meeting? 

**A.Hamilton: Maria, why are you messaging me? **

She saw it. She started typing. 

**maria_lewis_x: I didn't mean to be unwelcome. **

**A.Hamilton: You're not unwelcome.   
A.Hamilton: Just be upfront with me. **

It took a while, but she responded. 

**maria_lewis_x: I noticed you were staring at me on Wednesday. Even when you were sitting with Eliza. And I just thought... idk. Things could work out for us, if you're up to it. **

Hamilton processed what had just been said to him, but admittedly his heart skipped a beat. He didn't know how to feel about any of this, and the tension was starting to consume him. And before he could think of a reply, there was another message from her. 

**maria_lewis_x: I promise I wouldn't tell anyone. **

Alexander was always honest. Maybe not always good, but his honesty would get the better of him on numerous occasions in his life. It was clear to himself that he felt some sort of way about her, and as much as he despised himself for it, he couldn't lie. To him, the fact that he had feelings wasn't the bad part. People couldn't help who they're attracted to, he decided. But the fact that he couldn't tell her to leave him alone was the worst part. This girl could ruin everything for him, and he was powerless against it. He typed out a blunt response. 

**A.Hamilton: I don't know. **

**maria_lewis_x: That's okay. We can just talk until you make your mind up, if you'd like? **

Running a hand through his hair, he started to be aware of the fact he was sweating. Just having her on the other end of this messaging conversation was enough to get him flustered. He couldn't say no to any offer she made, as badly as he wanted to. An indirect answer was better than a yes, he presumed. 

**A.Hamilton: What if Eliza finds out? **

He couldn't pretend to not be interested anymore. Everything about this was too tempting for him to handle. 

**maria_lewis_x: She won't. At least, I'm not going to tell her. **

He seemed to be somewhat pleased with this - as pleased as you could be with something like this happening. The next question he asked was almost unbelievable. 

**A.Hamilton: What did you have in mind? **

Hamilton could only imagine the satisfaction in her as she read that. 

**maria_lewis_x: There's a party this Friday. At a junkyard. Whole load of people are gonna be there across a bunch of different schools. **

**maria_lewis_x: If you wanted to meet up, then that would be a good place.   
maria_lewis_x: Are you down? **

He suddenly became overwhelmed with speculation. It was mostly nerves of his own that he wanted to direct her way out of frustration, but these were questions he desperately needed to know the answer to. 

**A.Hamilton: Why are you doing this? Do you want something? I don't have anything to give you. I don't have anything you could want. **

**maria_lewis_x: Alexander, I don't want anything. **  
maria_lewis_x: It's just that   
maria_lewis_x: Do you remember what I said about your eyes? 

He remembered, but didn't get the connection. 

**maria_lewis_x: Violet is my favourite colour, Alexander. **

Maybe it was a cheap and easy way to flirt with someone, but he would have lied if he said that phrase did not get to him. His eye colour must have been the first thing she noticed. That was the only thing she had to say to win him over. 

He turned off his phone once again, slumping down into his hands. Alexander had no idea what to do from here. It seemed like there was so escape from his obnoxious feelings for her. This girl was going to keep coming back. Alexander felt sick to his stomach. Was he really so pathetic to cave to her demands when he was already dating someone? 

Everything about him in those moments disgusted himself. He was no better than Thomas. He didn't deserve Eliza. Something had to be wrong in his head for him to know that none of that was okay but to still want to go through with it anyway. His thoughts were enclosing him, and he felt time start to run out. He didn't have long left before he would have to reply, yet his thoughts were encapsulating him. What if Eliza found out? What about his friends? Hercules would punch him. Lafayette would certainly give him a lecture in French, which would have more punch coming from him. John wouldn't be able to be around him, which would eat Alexander up like nothing else. Nobody would look at him the same again if they found out he cheated. He wouldn't be able to stand himself. He'd lose everything in the good reputation he had built up for himself in America. 

_What the fuck was wrong with him? Why couldn't he just refuse? _

For all of his life, he hadn't been able to lose anything. Nothing was at stake for him to lose by making stupid decisions. But for the first time, things were at stake. Nothing to gain, everything to lose. And it didn't make a difference. 

Mouth going dry, he typed his response shamefully.

**A.Hamilton: I'll come to the party. We can meet up there, but I'm bringing my friends. **

Alexander was a bad person, he'd decided. Overrun with guilt but still not doing anything to alliviate it. Nothing could make that situation better. Alex had already given in to himself, and whatever happened next would be on his own terms. 

His guilt started to grow when he got another notification. Someone else had commented on his post. 

_Eliza_Schuyler57: You're so cute xx_

Truly, he didn't deserve everything he had now. Perhaps that was the reason why life had never given him opportunities. 

Everything to lose, nothing to gain. 


	11. ELEVEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Cheating.

Alexander was not a bad person. He had done some questionable things in the past, but he knew what was right and what was wrong. He was opinionated and a little egotistical, but he didn't bicker with people for no reason. He didn't wish harm on people. He didn't embody any of the traits you'd expect a bad person to. So if he wasn't a terrible person, then why was it so hard for him to stay focused on Eliza?

He was ready to kill Jefferson when he heard what had happened with Sally Hemmings, and there he was. A hypocrite who was going to follow through doing something just as bad.

She was the kindest person he had ever met. She would never do a thing to upset anybody and would forgive easily. She didn't even have the capacity to hold a grudge. Eliza was the most gorgeous girl he had ever seen. Adorable; he hated that word. It was too cliche and overused, but he couldn't find anything else to accurately fit her. Her smile could light up the world and as long as she was happy, everything seemed to be in balance. She treated him an infinite amount better than he deserved and never asked for anything more than he could give. So what was wrong with him? Why did so many names pop into his head instead of her when he thought of sensuality?

Angelica.

The first time those two spoke, it was her handing him a number. He thought she was hitting on her, and he was proud of himself for that. He wasn't going to do anything to drive her away. And he would never tell Eliza this, but when he found out he was speaking to her instead of her sister, he was a little disappointed. There was just something so enchanting about her that drew him in time and time again. Was it desire? An aspiration? An inclination? Something that Eliza couldn't offer him that he was missing out on which made her immensely more alluring.

Maria.

The boy was crazy for being attracted to her so quickly. His girlfriend's sister's best friend, and he was drawn to her instantly. Perhaps it was her appearance, but everything about her seemed to stand out to him. However, as soon as they started speaking, it was soon apparent that Alex would develop a greater admiration for her. With her melodic voice and glossy lips. It was pathetic, in all truth, how much he had come to care for this girl simply because she asked about his eye colour. But to him, that seemed like a weighted question. Something that could be used to figure out something else. And as he spoke to her online, he realised that his need to see her again was stronger than he let himself believe. So he said yes to go to a party at a junkyard just so that he could meet with her again. He didn't know what kind of people might have been there. He didn't even know her that well. But there was a feeling of accomplishment that he detested himself for.

He met up with Lafayette and Mulligan, just standing there as his friends murmured, all these thoughts spinning through his head. The presence of a friend allowed him to realise that among these names, there was one he was forgetting. One he had suppressed for far too long.

John Laurens.

"Yo, you should grab out the drinks you brought," he told Alex. 

Hamilton looked up at the sky, that was clearly visible from the junkyard they stood in. It was still early in the night. The sky hadn't gone black yet. But he complied, pulling out a few cans of beer from his backpack and throwing them to each of his friends. They thanked him, before they all opened their drinks and took a swig of the frothy substance, their faces scrunching up as they still became used to the sour taste.

John had come to the party with Alex again. They made the same arrangement as the week prior with John's father so that he wouldn't get in trouble. Lafayette and Hercules came with each other as well, with Mulligan driving them.

The party wasn't as packed as the one at Jefferson's house, but it was still obvious that there was a party. The junkyard was mainly filled with old totalled cars packed on top of each other, which a lot of old kitchenware and crusty furniture. Though, the drunken teenagers that were crawling over these objects didn't seem too phased. The group of four had taken their seats on some old patio chairs and formed a semi circle next to a tall pile of junk. Drinking, they had a realisation that the light was starting to become too low to see in their lightly innebriated state and noticed smoke in the air. Someone had started a fire pit, and they followed the dim light to the fire that everyone at the party seemed to be hanging around. It was in a large open area with some music playing, which the boys danced to with the few other people around the stereo.

Alexander did everything he could to distract himself from the fact that Maria was at this party somewhere. He knew that if the two saw each other, then their fates would be sealed. He wasn't able to say no to coming to the party, and now she knew how to make offers he couldn't refuse.

** _maria_lewis_x: Violet is my favourite colour, Alexander._ **

A girl in a short red dress was sitting among people smoking a blunt on the other side of the fire pit. She was giggling when her eyes met Alexander. He knew those eyes. Felt the tension between their glances. When those red lips tugged upwards, he stopped dancing immediately. His face turned cold as he realised who she was.

_Shit, Maria. _

He pried his eyes away from her figure, only to look back at his friends who were visibly getting tired of dancing. Hercules wrapped his big arm around his shoulder and lead the group to sit back down in a space surrounding the fire pit, but still pressed up against old furniture in the yard.

He kept glancing back to try and see what she was doing. Within the last few moments, she had stood up. The dress hugged her figure perfectly and showed a classy amount of her legs that managed to flatter her body type in the process. _Stop thinking you fucking idiot. _She was aware Alex had his eyes fixed on her and picked up her phone, typing something, before looking back up at Alex with a sly smirk that made his breath hitch. In that same instant, Alexander felt a vibration in his pocket. His phone. Instagram. _Maria. _That was when he figured out just how screwed he was that night.

John seemed to notice the grim look on his friend's face, furrowing his eyebrows as he approached, "Are you good?"

Alexander's head shot up defensively. His face was pale, and he couldn't bring himself to answer. 

"You look as though you have, er... seen a ghost," Lafayette remarked, remembering an American expression that he had heard earlier that week.

Fumbling, Alex checked his phone. And funnily enough, there it was. A message.

**maria_lewis_x: Meet me behind where I just was. Near that tree.**

He looked up. He couldn't help but look up. Eyes automatically fixing to the spot he had just saw her. She wasn't there anymore. His gaze cast beyond the heat of the flames, and spotted a tree. It was rather tall for the area, but of course there was junk was built up around it. The cool of the night air didn't help him to slow his breathing as he anticipated what he would do next.

"Alexander!" John had stepped in front of him now. Apparently, Hamilton had forgotten that his friends were watching him as he checked his phone and peered off in the distance. "What the fuck, man?"

To cover for himself without a moment more of panic, he returned his eyes to his phone, closing the Instagram app. Hurried, he spoke, "It's my brother. I have to make a call."

Just like that, he scurried off. It was suspicious, of course. That was a behaviour they never expected to see from their friend. The fact he looked so hurried had burned worry inside John, who had continued gazing off to where Hamilton had walked away to watch him disappear in the darkness. Was he okay? Did something bad happen? What about his brother? He hadn't seen his friend so concerned before. Whatever was going to happen, he was going to be there for Alex when he returned. He'd be a support.

Watching John from behind was Hercules, who narrowed his eyes at the exchange between two of his friends. He had only seen that look in John's eyes a few times before, but often enough that he could recognise it. Suddenly, everything clicked into place. And when his friend had walked over to grab a drink, he had a question that he needed to know the answer to.

"Woah... did you just start liking Alex? Or did I just start noticing?"

Laurens choked on the beer he was trying to scull down, and started coughing for a moment. He wasn't expecting that. "What?"

Hercules' mouth was wide and he couldn't believe that he hadn't worked it out sooner, "I think you've always liked him and we just never picked up on it." It was so obvious now that he thought of it. The care, the prolonged stares, the way John beamed whenever they hugged. How didn't either of them notice sooner?

It was lucky that the cloak of night hid his face, otherwise Hercules would have teased him for how red he had turned. John snorted to try and get out the bit of beer that had gone up his nose, asking again, "What?" He didn't know what else he could say.

Lafayette purred, suddenly noticing what Mulligan had been talking about. "You seem to have rendered him speechless," he grinned as he looked at Hercules.

John rubbed his nose, feeling his face burning up as his friends questioned him. "I don't like him," he told them, awkwardly, clearly liking him.

"Okay, that's bullshit and you know it's bullshit," Hercules pulled on John's arm so that he'd sit down with them, the ground being harder than he'd anticipated, "I see the way you look at him." 

"That doesn't-"

"He's right, _mon ami,_" Lafayette interjected, leaning into the conversation, "You have stars in your eyes when you see him." His tone was almost poetic.

John took another sip of beer, softer this time so that he wouldn't choke on it again, "I don't know about any of that."

Lafayette smiles warmly, "Sure you do. He gives you those eyes as well, John. Both of us have seen it." He looked to Mulligan for approval, who nodded.

This made John produce a heavy breath as a sadness filled him, "Please don't say that to me, Laf." It pained him that his friends were trying to instil hope in him when it clearly wouldn't work out. He sighed deeply as he pushed away the possibility, "Maybe I like him, maybe I don't, but nothing's gonna happen and that's okay. He has a girlfriend, and he's almost definitely straight."

Mulligan placed a hand on his friend's shoulder for comfort, "It's okay man." 

John nodded, trying to convince himself. 

"Why didn't you tell us earlier?" Hercules asked. 

He shrugged, "I didn't see the point in telling you if it wasn't going to go anywhere." 

They couldn't help but wonder what Alexander was doing in that moment. They didn't know why he had rushed off so quickly. 

-:-:-:-

He was sweating. Why did he follow through with this? Something bad was about to happen, he could feel it. He was about to do something stupid. Why couldn't he stop himself? 

_Just turn around. You're smart, you can make up an excuse. _

_She's already seen me. I can't go anywhere now. I said I'd do this. _

_If I don't then she could tell Eliza. _

_Stop. _

Alexander was not a bad person. He just had an apt for making extremely bad decisions. 

The tree looked taller when he stood next to it. Some of the light from the fire pit came through all the junk, but there wasn't too much. At least she wouldn't see how nervous he was in that moment. 

Then she was in front of him. 

Something in the air was different around that part of the junk yard. Initially, he had thought that it was something from the tree that made the scent become more tolerable, but then he recognised it. The smell of Maria's perfume. 

She did look more beautiful closer up. Even in the shadowed area, he could make out the curves and grooves of her body in her well-fitting dress. Her eye makeup had been done to give her eyeliner wings and long lashes, but with the combination of her red lipstick, he started to appreciate the elegant sense of maturity in her appearance. On her neck, she wore a dainty silver chain that suited her dangling earrings. They looked rather pricy. It took a mere moment for him to fully process her classy presentation, but he didn't know what to say now. 

Clearly, she had noticed his prolonged stares, and her lip quirked upwards, "I was starting to doubt that you'd make it here." 

His breath got heavy. It felt like it had gotten stuck in his chest, and came out shakily as he stepped closer to her, "I said I'd come, didn't I?" 

Maria took a step closer to him, her movements deliberate as she rolled her hip to the side. A coy smirk came to her lips, "I suppose so." 

He nervously glanced around, making sure that no one else could see what a fool he was making of himself. But nobody knew him at that party save his friends, and even if he was spotted with Maria, they wouldn't have thought anything of it. 

When she tentatively grabbed his hand, that's when his heart felt as though it would beat out of his chest. Physical contact made the situation feel real, which was a fact that Alexander failed to acknowledge before. Not when they were messaging, not on his way to the party, not even as he glanced around searching for her. 

"You can breathe," Maria tried reassuring him, clearly knowing he was nervous, "This is a party. Don't be so serious." 

An overwhelming culpability began to manifest in Alexander as he realised the weight of his situation. He let a thumb trace the back of her hand, feeling the soft skin, "I don't know what I'm doing here." 

She cocked her head, "I thought it was pretty obvious." 

After finally working up the courage to remove his hand from her touch, he sighed, "I don't know what I want right now." 

Clearly, she hadn't planned on him backing out, and seemed rather surprised. "Is something wrong?" 

He let out a humourless puff of air from his nose that resembled the start of a laugh, "No. Nothing's wrong." The reality of what he was doing suddenly got to him. He struggled with how to phrase what he was about to say. "I've never done anything like this before." 

Things were different in the Caribbean. Alexander's mind flashed with pictures of people far in his past. Everyone who he had feelings for, everyone who he had every dated or hooked up with. That was the difference. In the Caribbean, most people were like him. Not sleazy, or at least he wouldn't describe it that was, but willing to have a good time. But even if his body count was higher than most people his age, he had never cheated. He had never even struggled with the temptation for infidelity before. 

So what made Maria so different? Was it purely the thrill of not knowing what it was like to be intimate with an American woman? No, it was something more that crawled deep in Alex's skin, making it uncomfortable for him to stand still. Something that made his heart race, but drained all colour from his complexion. It was something that made his stomach twist with an unwanted wanton desire. 

He didn't feel that way for Eliza, and for a moment his face turned cold with dread. 

"Alexander,"her soothing voice crawled into his mind like an insect, "This is a party. Relax a little. Let me help you... enjoy yourself." 

"No," he forced himself to refuse, backing away from her until he accidentally bumped into an old microwave at his feet behind him that he almost tripped over, "I don't want this." 

They both knew he was lying, and she didn't buy it for a moment. 

She approached him, not being able to move away further, and was now only standing about a foot away. _"Alexander,"_ she emphasised his name, noticing how he reacted the previous time, "Like you said, you agreed to this. I know what you want." 

He looked at her once more. Her eyes were wide, and her expression almost had a temperament to it that he found uneasiness looking at. She was clearly set on getting her way that night, but Alexander was stubborn as he had always been. Perhaps she was right, but he wasn't going to let her know that. He had a girlfriend and a group of friends waiting for him, and if he enjoyed her company for a night then he would undermine all of that. 

With a final deep breath, he stepped forward, nudging her away with a hand on the shoulder, "Excuse me, Maria." 

She tugged him back by the arm, which he shook off, "Where are you going? Alexander?" 

"I need to get back to my friends," Alex ran a hand through his long hair to compose himself. He let his feelings of shame relinquish as he remembered something he had to say. Authoritively, he raised a finger and leant closer to her, "Not a word to anyone. About any of this." A second passed, and he added, "I know you have the power to ruin me right now, but remember you made the first move and I didn’t make any. We both have a lot to lose here, so let's just leave it." 

Maria tilted her head down as she was spoken to like a child. She looked almost deflated, but she started pleading, "Alexander..." 

What was she going to plead for? For him to change his mind and to come back so they could cuddle and fuck in a junkyard? 

"I don't want to hear from you again," he dismissed her. 

She nodded, "Okay... I'm sorry. I won't say anything." 

He fixed his shirt to make himself appear inconspicuous, "Thank you." 

"I guess I got carried away with myself," Maria admitted. Her form was far more pathetic than it had been just a few minutes ago that it was almost laughable. 

Alex wasn't in the mood for excuses. He took one last glance at her before walking off. 

_What a goddamn mess. _


	12. TWELVE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: Violence, homophobic slurs, unwanted groping, description of injuries.

Hercules was the one who spotted him returning, "Yo, Alex is coming back." He lifted a hand and waved.

When John turned around, Alex looked visibly flustered. It was obvious that something had happened, even to the two other boys sitting next to him, who he asked, "Please don't say anything to him."

"About you liking him?" Lafayette clarified, "We won't."

Then Alexander was in front of them. He quickly said hi, fumbling a bit on his phone before asking for a drink.

"Where'd you scurry off to?" Hercules had asked without thinking too much about it.

Alex took a large sip and felt it calm his nerves almost instantly, the strong intoxication of the beer taking over him and nulling his senses, "My brother wasn't feeling great. He had to call me. He's all good now." That was the excuse he had settled on, which was pretty smart considering none of them spoke to his brother. Of course, there was the chance that John would continue to ask questions, but he was pretty sure that he could find a way out of giving a direct answer.

They seemed to buy the excuse okay, and the group started drinking again. The music was still bumping from the stereo, and Alexander was desperately trying to ignore Maria on the other side of the fire pit as he performed obnoxious dance moves with John. Hercules and Lafayette watched, amused, sending John knowing grins when only he could see. The night was going perfectly for the group of friends. They were enjoying themselves far more just speaking among themselves.

It was when Alex disappeared for a moment to get him and John some more drinks that he had a run in with the last person he'd want to see. That all too familiar, drunken, offensive voice came to his ears.

"Didn't think I'd ever catch you at a party like this."

John turned around.

_No fucking way._

Charles Lee.

The skin on his cheeks turned cold, and it was not from the cool of the night air. His face was still scratchy, and John could almost smell the scent of whiskey from where he was standing - a good few metres away from him. With the way things had panned out last time they saw each other, nothing but dread manifested in Laurens.

Cursing under his breath, he took an involuntary step back, "What are you doing here?"

"Crashing, as per usual," Lee's attempts to get closer to him were sickening, "How about you?"

"Here with friends," he answered, hesitantly but not allowing his voice to shake.

It quickly came apparent that Charles Lee was far more drunk than anyone in his friend group. As he took a sip of his whiskey, it was clear he was about to say something when Alex came up from behind John.

"Who the fuck are you?" Alex was certainly a confrontational young man. He noticed John's hesitant stance coupled with some nervous habits. He knew that his friend wasn't comfortable, and he wasn't about to let this stranger come in and upset them all.

Laurens turned as he noticed the presence behind him, but waved his friend to go away, "Alex, I'll tell you later. Just piss off for a second." His past with Charles Lee was embarrassing enough. He didn't want to have to recall it in front of the man himself.

"Ohh... who's this?" Charles cocked his head.

Alex didn't appreciate the tormenting, "None of your business, that's who." He stepped closer.

"Are you one of _Johnny's _new friends?" he teased, giving the junior a side-eye with a sickening smirk. Charles believed that he had already picked up his name; "Alex, right?"

"Alexander," he corrected with a stiff jaw.

"My mistake... Alexander," he advanced towards the younger boy, "I haven't seen you before, 'specially not around this guy here."

John stepped in once more, "He's new. And uh... not your type. So you can back off, _Charlie."_

The senior's eyes fluttered at the nickname, clearly still having some sort of effect on him as his lip quirked upwards, "Ohh so you two are a thing?"

"It's not like that," Laurens became shy at the mention of him being with Alex, which made the next few actions from his _ex _even more infuriating.

"Hey, do you wanna know a secret about your friend here?" His words were grossly slurred, more so than James Hamilton on his bad nights. Charles Lee leant closer to Alex in an attempt to make himself seem more threatening or to make things more intimate, though he doubted it was the latter, "Did you know that good ol' John likes to take it up the ass?"

Anger boiled over in Hamilton as he started swinging a fist, only to be stopped by John who got between them, pushing them both a good few feet apart from each other.

He held Alex back when he tried to attack the now laughing Charles Lee. "Alexander! Back off."

"He can't say that shit!"

No matter how angry he was, John wasn't going to let him get involved. Placing a hand on Alex's shoulders, he pushed him away, "Let me handle this."

This yelling attracted the attention of Hercules and Lafayette, who were now making their way over to hold back Alex.

"Alexander, just leave it," Mulligan advised, "They have history. Let them work it themselves."

Before Alex could speak again, a familiar face made its way out of the darkness. None other than Aaron Burr, which sparked confusion in John like nothing else. He didn't even know they had spoken before.

Burr spoke to them, "What's going on here? Charles?"

"I think that _Johnny _here has a problem with me, Aaron," Lee allowed Burr to get between them, but John wasn't going to let him intervene.

"Burr, I don't know what you're doing here but please... this is not something you need to get involved in."

"I think you two are just being dramatic," he took another step forward, "What's the point of fighting?" His attempts to diffuse the situation proved to be nothing more than an annoyance to the two, but he still tried to convince Lee, "Let's get out of here, Charles. Have a drink and forget. Cool down a little, it's what you need."

"You aren't helping, Burr," Charles Lee told him.

John's anger finally overtook him in this moment, and he lunged a step closer to Charles, "What the fuck do you want from me? You just wanna walk up and harass me? Is that all? Okay, you did it so just piss off now. Leave me alone!" 

"What's with all the hostility, _Johnny?" _Another stride towards the shorter boy ensured that they were now less than a foot away from each other. "After last time, I thought you could have at least been civil to me."

"Believe me, I am trying my best."

"Why do you act all high and mighty? Everyone knows what you are, whether you admit it or not."

John sunk into a moment of short panic before he could respond, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Come on, don't play stupid!" Charles was far too aware of the enraged looks from John's group of friends and the confused and slightly shocked look he imagined was growing on Burr's face. People were also starting to stare who weren't involved in this conflict. But this pressure of having an audience only fuelled Charles', who looked directly into Alexander's eyes as he leant in towards John's ear so that only he could hear what he was about to say, "You're a fucking faggot, John. Why are you even hiding it anymore? Everyone's gonna work it out eventually, and when they do you're gonna be nothing."

John could feel his heart pounding against his chest - a mix of anxiety that someone would hear him and the animosity that was heightened by the taller boy's words.

It was fuelled once again as Charles placed as unwelcome hand on Laurens' shoulder, and ran a thumb over it lightly; a touch that replicated the gentle caress of a lover. He snarled at the offensive touch.

"Your dad was right about how fucking pathetic you're becoming."

That was the boiling point for John. He sucked in a deep breath and slapped Charles' touch away from him, earning some 'oos' from onlookers. "Get the fuck off me," he hissed, trying to back away. The touch returned, this time as an insistent grab where Lee tried to pull the shorter boy closer. Laurens countered this with a push directly in the chest to try and get him further away.

The shove proved to be ineffective, and just a moment later, Charles Lee had lunged at him in an aggressive manner. But before he could process this, a fist connected to the underside of his chin with a crude noise of impact. This caused his teeth to smash together and sent his head flying back. 

In the moments that followed, everyone had to move quick. The bystanders watched with gaping mouths as Lee flung himself at John. All of the anger and frustration of their relationship had come out, and while Laurens had tried to fight back by pounding a fist on the other's chest, he had ended up on the floor. That wasn't enough for Charles, who then decided to start kicking the injured John. A particularly hard kick landed on John's ribcage, and the recipient grunted in agony, curling up to protect his core. Just a few moments later, two figures had come in to pull Charles off the boy on the floor, and when John looked up he was relieved to see that it was Hercules and Lafayette. 

Things were blurry as to what happened next, but John recalled Charles receiving a few punches from his friends. Burr was desperately trying to pull the two off of Lee when Alexander came to his side and started speaking to him calmly. 

The truth was that Lafayette and Mulligan didn't join the fight until it was too late because they thought John would be able to handle himself, but they couldn't stand to see him get beaten up by Charles Lee. Alexander had even tried to join them in getting Lee off John, because even if this had been the first time they met, he wanted nothing more than to punch Charles Lee in the face. He couldn't find a place to join them amongst the chaos, and decided that his friend needed his help more than he needed to get a hit in on Lee. 

After a short time, all the fighting had ceased. The Frenchman and Mulligan had taken a few steps back to fully process what they had done to Lee, who was now bleeding from the nose and doubled over. He looked up at them both with a hand to wipe away the blood, defeated. 

The booming voice of Burr was the only one left. 

"Have you all had enough yet? Huh?" he taunted John's friends, before squatting down to help Lee. "You broke his nose," he declared after a few moments, "You're all a bunch of children! Immature, irrational children who do nothing but bicker with each other. So are you pleased with yourselves now? Are you happy?" 

Charles muttered something as Aaron helped him to stand up. The amount of blood coming from him was alarming, especially for those that did it to him. 

"You won. There. Now leave us be!" 

The two exited the scene. 

John had never heard Burr truly get mad before. He had always been reserved. Undoubtedly intelligent, he always did his best to ensure that he was friends with everyone and that he didn't offend people. Likely, that was the reason he was friends with Charles. And likely, this display of his frustration was another step in getting people to like him, though it didn't appear that way. For the first time in recent memory, Burr had lost his calm. 

The quiet bystanders started to turn their backs when they realised that it was all over, but some eyes were still fixed on the boys surrounding John on the floor. 

"I'm sorry we didn't get in there sooner," Hercules was kneeling next to John, "If it's any consolation, Laf was the one who broke his nose." 

The Frenchman forced himself to give a cocky smile, "He won't forget about that any time soon." 

A laugh forced its way out of John's throat that manifested into a sad smirk, "Thank you guys." 

Alexander helped Laurens sit up, but kept an arm underneath his so that he was still supported, "We need to get you home so you can rest up." 

"I'm fine," he insisted, rubbing his jaw. 

"No, you need to get out of here. You're drunk so you might not feel much pain but it could be worse than you think. I'll call my brother. Hopefully he can pick us up soon." 

Alex looked up to the others for support, and they nodded. 

"Go rest," Lafayette told him, "You need it after that." 

"Ugh fine..." he grunted as if he wasn't secretly happy that he would get to go home early and spend extra time with Alexander, despite being in almost agonising pain. 

His friends said more words to him. He forced himself to smile, though he couldn't successfully draw his attention away from his injuries for a moment. His thoughts were centred on Charles. He was determined to figure out why this had happened. His body felt lighter for a second, and he realised that Alexander was helping him get up. When John couldn't support his body, he flopped down comically. His memories flooded his mind. Those from when he first met Lee, those from the first time they ever did anything, those from the hard times. But none hit him harder than the one from Jefferson's party. 

-:-:-:-

"Who was that guy, John?" Alexander's soothing voice pulled him out of his memories. 

They were now sitting in the dark area that Alex's brother had dropped them off in. There was a patch of grass they were sitting in while they waiting for him to return. John had become acutely aware of where exactly he'd been hit in his recent conflict. His jaw ached most notably and made it difficult to speak, though the places on his stomach where he had been kicked were especially tender. The pain had become a distant ache with occasional excruciating pulses that he was able to deal with only with the assistance of his now distant inebriation. 

John thought about the question he had been asked. Alex really hadn't heard about Charles before, so clearly this would have been a shock to him. With a sigh, his answer came, "Er his name's Charles Lee. He's... let's say he's an ex." To prevent any awkwardness from his part, he turned away as his face turned red. "We had a thing going on for about a year and he did a lot of douchey things. We didn't exactly break up on good terms, so there's always been a bitterness there. I guess it's never been addressed because we don't go to the same school and we haven't seen each other in a while." 

Alex batted his eyes. He was enraged at the fact that this was someone John cared for in the past, and hoped that nothing like this had happened before now. "When were you seeing him?" 

"Oh, we decided to leave things about three months ago." He sighed, "But then we saw each other at Jefferson's party and it kind of... reopened everything." John didn't like speaking about the party. No one did. It was better if it just wasn't mentioned, but annoyingly it kept coming up. 

"You saw each other? Wait..." Alexander suddenly remembered how John disappeared for a few minutes, and felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. He didn't want to make assumptions, but clearly that was what he was insinuating. "Oh shit." 

"Yeah, I'm not proud of it," he muttered, awkwardly, "Well some shit went down after we were done. We got into an argument and I basically told him never to talk to me again." 

"You know I'm on your side and everything, but you really said that after you had sex with him? I'm just saying... ouch, man." Alexander thought out loud. 

John looked down, "You don't get it. He was saying all this shit to me like how I needed him... or that he wanted me to stay. But he's pulled all that shit before and I didn't want to go through all that again." 

His friend hummed, "Okay, I think I understand now." A nervous chuckle before he continued, "So why did he say all that shit to you? Did he just wanna fight?" 

"I think he was just pissed because I told him to fuck off. He didn't get what he wanted so he called me a faggot and punched me, as you saw." A sad laugh made him grimace, and move a hand to his stomach in attempt to ease the pain, "Have you ever heard something more pathetic?" 

"Sadly, I believe so." 

The two boys laughed together, but Alexander felt disgusted. At Charles Lee for doing this to his friend. And at himself for letting it happened. Sitting next to John and seeing his friend's body convulse as he made a wrong move that worsened his afflictions made him never want to see that again from somebody he cared so much about. Next time, it wouldn't end like this. He'd step in for John. And if it came to it, then he'd be the one in John's position. 

Before their conversation could continue any further, a car pulled up in front of them. James stepped out to help John get into the car as soon as he saw them sitting in the patch of grass. 

Alex put a reassuring hand on his friend's shoulder and they shared eye contact for a moment, "Don't worry, we're going home now." 


	13. THIRTEEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last of this HamilBomb :) I'm very proud of this chapter so enjoy.

The night of Jefferson's party.

John had lulled off to sleep rather quickly. He appeared to be rather tired after the night that he had, but Alexander couldn't sleep a wink. The sun had come up by now and the street was silent, apart from John's tiny snores in his deep rest. As usual, his mind was always racing. Always planning. Always thinking. But what was he thinking of this time?

Well, John was gay.

It didn't change anything. He'd still be himself; humourous and kind. But why did Alex get so excited when he heard those words come out of his friend's mouth? He never wanted to assume that just because his friend was gay that his friend liked him. That was just presumtuous, and slightly homophobic. No. It wasn't an assumption. Alexander had stayed awake compiling evidence in his mind of why he could see that John was interested him. It started with how nervous he was the first time they spoke. His stares were long, and his words stammered. Then as their friendship moved along, he could sense the glow in John as Alex wrapped his arm around his back as they walked. And of course, he couldn't ever forget how cautious John was when he had started dating Eliza. Laurens had always told him that he wanted the best for his friend, and that statement had always made Alex ponder.

It was ridiculous how much it mattered to Hamilton what his friend thought. He had spent the last few hours going over every moment of their interactions. And whether it was a mistake of his own, he had concluded that John liked him, and this made him more flattered than he would ever care to admit. In the short time that they had known each other, the boy had become so dear to Alex. Though he was with Eliza, which put a brick between anything happening with either of them, he didn't mind. Just knowing that he had John's affection was enough.

In his hand, he held his phone and read the incoming messages from Angelica. She had created a group chat to rant about Jefferson and Sally Hemmings containing her sister and several of her friends. Alexander was in it.

**Angelica: He's not worth my energy. I'm going to try and forget about it so can we not talk about this in the morning?**

**Alexander: If I was there when you two were fighting, I promise I would have kicked him in the jaw.**

**Angelica: How very kind :)**

"What are you doing?" a strained voice from beside Alex asked him. It gave him quite a shock. He looked down at his friend, startled; he didn't see John stir.

"Oh, John," he chuckled, softly, masking his surprise, "You're up."

John looked at Alexander, a smidge of annoyance flooding him as he saw the bags manifesting under his eyes. "And so are you," he mumbled into his pillow, "Have you gotten any sleep?"

Alex shrugged. He hadn't.

A groan of frustration from his friend, which turned into words, "Why not?"

He pondered for a second, "I don't know. I just can't get any sleep when other people are in the same bed as me." This was partially true.

Laurens didn't seem to be satisfied with this. "Just get some rest," he grumbled.

Everything that Alexander had been contemplating in the early hours of the morning had implanted itself in his brain. That was now all he could think about as he looked down at his friend nestling into one of his pillows, ready to go back to sleep. As bad as it was, he knew feelings were developing for his friend, and he wasn't going to fight it.

"John?" he said to his friend, who opened his eyes droopily in response, "I think I'm bi."

A weak smile came to Laurens' face. It was unsure if he had even heard was Alex said, but he nodded before drifting back off to sleep again.

-:-:-:-

James held the door open as John limped inside their house. The pain had started searing; face burning and stomach beginning to throb. Alex trailed behind, watching his friend take unsteady step after step. He seemed to be dizzy on top of all of that.

"Easy, we're almost there," Hamilton allowed John to lean on him with his arm around his neck. They fumbled down the short hall into his bedroom. His friend was escorted to the side of the bed, and Alex lowered him lightly into a sitting position. John's stomach palpitated whenever he used the muscles around where he had been kicked. This caused him to elicit a groan as he swung his legs onto the bed with his friend's assistance and layed down slowly. The rest of his body seemed to be floating on the normally hard surface of Alexander's cheap, thin mattress, and all he could do now was silently focus on the pain. Alex kneeled next to the bed.

"John, use this," James had entered to room to pass his brother an ice pack wrapped in a cloth to give to Laurens, "Ice will help with the bruising."

Clumsily, John took the ice pack that was a little too heavy for him at that moment and placed it lightly to his chin. He hissed as the cold surface came in contact with his sensitive skin, but thanked James for retrieving it.

"Do you need any water?" the older brother asked, "Anything to eat?" He was looking for any way to help. He was the adult that decided to drive his younger brother with a friend to a party, and now a 17 year old was injured because he got into a fight.

"James," Alex waved him off, "Just give us a bit of time. It's okay."

James looked down at John with the ice pack pressed against his chin. He figured that even though he was in pain now, he was going to pull through. A deep sigh came from James, "Okay... I'll be in the living room if you need anything." The older brother then stood up and exited the room to have a drink by himself.

Alexander looked back at his friend, who was sweating and trying to cool down from the pain he had just endured. It was hard to watch someone go through this type of pain. "Are you feeling any better?"

"I feel great!" John forced a laugh, before grunting as his chin grazed against the ice pack too hard. He sighed, correcting himself, "Yeah. A little better."

Standing up slowly, he made a remark, "So that was Charles Lee."

This seemed to amuse his friend, "Charming, isn't he?"

"Oh yes, you're a very lucky guy, John."

By now, Alex had moved to the other side of the bed to remove his shoes before lying down. The room was filled with a silence as both of them lost the need to speak. John was reminded of something he had always wanted to ask his friend, but never thought the moment was right. A heavy question, and the quiet beforehand made it even more loaded.

"Why don't you live with your parents?"

He always thought it was stupid how people froze in their spot. When they didn't know what to say or do or feel. He always hated when he just stopped for a second and his mind ran wild. Yet, there he was. Stuck in place as he was slipping off his sneakers, but he could feel the colour draining from his face.

America, the land of opportunity. For him, the land he moved to to run away from everything. No one knew who he was here. There were no pressures, not nearly as much responsibility than in the Caribbean. He wasn't even expected to act like an adult. Here, he could be whoever he wanted and people wouldn't be any wiser. That was what America was as an opportunity for him. A chance for him to have a shot at normality, after everything that he and his brother faced. He didn't think about things back home very much anymore, filling his mind instead with the minor stress of school and social situations. Relationships and conflicts. These things were far more interesting to him, and he appreciated them so much more than his personal hardships. And this was why he froze when John asked about his parents. Ever since he had moved there, he had forgotten that he never truly had a shot at normality. And whether it was his friend's intention or not, it was saddening to think that there wasn't a way for him to turn his life all the way around.

These thoughts were encapsulated in just a moment, but for Alexander, it was an eternity. A tear threatened to spill from his left eye, which he subtly wiped away with a single finger.

John noticed his hesitation and shook his head, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that."

"It's okay," Alex's voice was strangled, and he cleared his throat.

Laurens didn't want to seem alarmed so he didn't say anything, but he had never seen his friend in a more vulnerable state and he didn't know what to do.

He continued to stare straight. This was a vital moment for both of them and he understood that if he was honest about this, then that was the first step to overcoming everything that happened. He didn't need to leave his past behind. It would always be a part of him. He just needed to learn from it. So he swallowed his emotions, pushed them deep down and spoke calmly.

"My brother and I were born out of wedlock, which was a disasterous thing where we came from. When I was 10, our father left. So then it was just my mother and us two. Then when I was 12, my mother and I got very sick. My brother had to take care of both of us. But I got better... and she didn't." His words were becoming weaker, and he sniffled to try and compose himself.

_Alex was an orphan, _John rudely thought.

"Then we moved in with a cousin... who killed himself." A sad laugh crept out of his mouth, and this was the first time his head moved from the fixed spot on the wall he was staring at prior. "It's not funny... only a bit. Because it seems like the plot of some dumb soap opera where everything goes wrong. But it's not a dumb soap opera, you know? It's my life."

John's jaw tightened, upset from hearing his friend speak in such a manner. He knew something bad had happened, but this was heavier than he expected.

"Anyway," he continued, "after that, we were living on our own for a bit. We both had to get jobs. My brother worked as a carpenter, and I got a job as a store clerk. And both of our wages combined could hardly buy enough for us to eat. We went on like that for about a year, then..." he trailed off.

Even a brief shut of the eyes allowed Hamilton to recall that dreadful night. It raged violently from sunset until late in the night. The terror that he had felt in the midst of it was so dreadful that he was certain he aged a few years. The darkness and horror of that night seemed to manifest in that room, giving the thinker a chill with several goosebumps to show. It pained him to recall.

"Then the hurricane came."

_The roaring of the sea and wind—fiery meteors flying about in the air—the prodigious glare of almost perpetual lightning—the crash of the falling houses—and the ear-piercing shrieks of the distressed, were sufficient to strike astonishment into Angels._

“So we had to move,” he said over the swirling thoughts in his head. “I got a scholarship because… because I’m amazing. That’s is the only reason we could afford to come to America. And we weren't going to miss that opportunity."

John grunted as he sat up to try and look at Alexander eye-to-eye. He was blown away by what he just heard. Not knowing what to say, he resorted to reciting his name, "Alex..."

But his friend felt the shift in the bed and the strain in John's voice, and turned around rather quickly, "Lie back down, John," he said profoundly, "You're going to hurt yourself. What are you doing?"

"I'm fine," he insisted, the emotional weight of their conversation sauntering for a moment, "But Alex... I had no idea about any of that."

"Of course you wouldn't," Hamilton had turned around to face John now, "I didn't want anyone to know who I was when I came here. I wanted a new start. That's why I never said anything."

Laurens meekly pressed the ice pack to his chin, the near-soothing sensation starting to assist with the pain. He spoke, lying back down, "I'm sorry."

His friend seemed infuriated at this statement, "Why are you sorry?" He lounged back on his side next to John, huffing, "John, you have done absolutely nothing but been a good friend to me. When I came to America, I thought I would have to be someone completely new. But when we met, you showed me that not only can I be myself, but it is also far better to be genuine. An apology is the last thing you should be giving me. I should be exchanging my ultimate gratitude to you, if anything."

He blinked, confused at what he just heard, "Man, you gotta stop using such big words." A harty laugh overwhelmed him, but the tremors in his stomach caused a flood of pain where he had been injured.

Alexander noticed his grimace straight away, and peeled the ice pack out of his friend's hands. Gently, he placed it on his friend's abdomen in the spot he recalled John getting kicked in, "You need to put it on your stomach. Your face will hardly leave a bruise compared to that."

Laurens was blown away by this sudden act of kindness, but noticed that he had put the ice pack in the wrong place, "Other side..." he muttered, cautiously placing his hand on top of Alex's to guide it to the right position.

"Is that right?"

The cool touch of the ice through his t-shirt was therapeutic to John, "Yeah. Thank you."

Moments passed, and Alexander kept his hand pressed on his friend's stomach. He had acted so quickly that he hadn't realised how close he had gotten to John. His focus had been on easing John's pain, but he didn't realise that he was now leaning over his friend who was resting comfortably in the sheets, and their faces were merely inches away from each other. They could feel the heat of their bodies radiating together as their gazes lifted to each other's eyes. And neither of them noticed this in the other, but they both became flustered in a way that was unyielding.

Those eyes. Those goddamn eyes would be the death of John. Almost lilac, but maintained a strong blue. There was a whole other world in his eyes, something that he had never seen in other people before. So much colour and life. Then the way he spoke - full of determination. His voice always clear. John truly admired him, which sent butterflies through him unlike anything that had happened before.

What was Alexander Hamilton thinking in this moment? John had always been so kind to Alex, since the moment they had first met. He had always looked to Alex as if he were someone important, and this in turn made him feel that way. The way he felt for John was true and genuine. Not always so innocent, but he hadn't been fond of anyone in his life the way he cherished him. His lips had always made him irresistable, but their short distance apart meant he could smell his aroma, which solidified what would happen next.

The heat on their faces quickly manifested as heat on their breaths that became stronger as they gazed into one another's eyes. Neither of them had anticipated this, but with the way things had built up, they were both satisfied to continue. Alexander's hand still rested with the ice pack on John's abdomen, and this small amount of contact was tantalising for the both of them.

John's breath hitched when he realised that Alexander was closer to him than he was just a few moments ago, mere inches now. His lips parted to release a heavy breath, and when he caught Alex's eyes dart down to his mouth, that's when he realised that they were both after the same thing.

Their lips met at last. Decisively at first, John almost throwing himself at the other boy. Passion that had been long awaited, it seemed, for both boys. But the initial rush was lost as the need for breath was recognised. Their lips moved together at a gingerly pace, with both of them savouring every moment. John craned his neck upward to be closer to Alexander but whimpered when he couldn't seem to get close enough. Alex moved his arm to the back of his neck to lay on, which also gave him better leverage. His other hand came up and held the back of John's head to deepen the kiss, which heightened the exhilaration of the moment. Now Alex was in control. The tender contact quickly turned into the sultry pace from before, causing an irregular breath to escape from John's mouth as their lips separated for just a moment. They made up for this short lost contact, Laurens' hand lifting from the ice pack and cupping the heat of Alexander's cheek. The movement of their lips became slow and intentional; experience from them both becoming rather useful in a heated encounter such as this. Everything about it was intoxicating.

Only when John's thoughts started wandering did he hesitate.

_Eliza._

His other hand creeped up to Alexander's chest, flatly pushing him away with an unwilling grunt, putting a stop to their long-awaited kiss. The passion immediately diminished as their eyes flickered open. Confusion rose in Hamilton as he caught his breath.

John's throat was suddenly dry. He swallowed, looking up at his friend guiltily, "You have a girlfriend."

Those words lingered. Alexander's eyes darted between John's eyes, then down at his body, then back up to his lips. A brief moment of uncertainty filled him, but he combated this by leaning in once more for another kiss. Steamier than before, Laurens melted into the other boy. The hand resting on Alexander's chest balled into a fist with his t-shirt, wanting him to be as close as possible.

But this kiss was only a test. Alex wanted to see if John truly wanted to kiss him or if he was just making excuses. All the desperation in his friend's actions made it harder for Hamilton to pull away a second time. When he did, John mistook it as an accident at first and stretched out his neck so that their contact wouldn't be lost, but only a few moments later did he realise that his lips were now by themselves.

Both of them laid there, chests heaving with eyes half-open. Alexander heard John's whimper as they stopped kissing and felt conflicted. His words were breathy, which gave a new weight when he asked, "If you want me, then why are you resisting?"

The rugged sound to Hamilton's voice allowed John to experience a euphoric tingling sensation in his mind. Alexander's voice had always been something so buttery, and hearing him like this was a different but welcomed change. He snapped himself out of it, unwillingly removing his hands from Alex's chest and head and sinking down into the arm that held him. Regretfully, he told him, "I can't."

He swooned towards Alexander's hand as it recoiled, and eventually all contact between them was lost. They laid on the bed beside each other, and John realised that he looked upset.

"I'm sorry," he felt inclined to speak, but waited a moment before continuing, "I just know what it's like to be on the other end of shit like this. I'm not helping you cheat on Eliza. You know she deserves better than that." He grunted as he sat up, but suddenly the pain didn't matter very much to him. His friend was staring blankly at the ceiling and refusing to look at John, clearly deep in thought. Or mad. He continued; "I mean, shit man. You saw what happened with Angelica. I'm not putting her sister through that as well."

Alexander seemed almost offended by this. Finally looking at John, he snapped, "You think I don't know about how much I could hurt her?" He allowed himself to cool down. He began to rant, "John, you have been so kind to me since the first time we spoke. You have always looked out for me and you have never given me a reason not to trust you. You're far too nice than I deserve..." he muttered the last part. "I'm not a good person, John."

"That's not true," his friend reassured.

"It is," he insisted, "It is and that's okay. I wasn't finished." Alexander sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, moving to his feet in an instance. It was evident he was frustrated with himself. "I'm a shitty person. Eliza is the nicest girl in the world. She's always treated me right and has forgiven me more times than is good for any of us. And yet I start caring for anyone who's remotely attractive or kind to me."

A tinge of despondency crept into John at this moment. He felt almost inept. Was he truly just one of many?

"Eliza. Angelica. Maria." Alex felt stupidly emotional, "But not you. God, it's always been so different with you. All those girls had made it clear they were interested in me. And, fuck, I guess it got to my head because I started becoming obsessed with it. With them. With the idea of them. Anything to do with them was just so... thrilling to me. And I got caught up in that so much. It was pathetic."

John was surprised, and noticed his friend getting emotional, "Alex..."

"But-" Alexander kept speaking, '-despite all this, I have come to love someone. And it's not because of any of that shit." He blushed, forcing himself to look John in the eye, "I wish it were in my power to convince you that I love you."

His friend blinked as Alex sat back down on the bed, swivelling around to look at his friend.

The glint in his eye was that on sincerity, and he let a weak smirk come to him as he cupped John's face, who leant into the touch. "I'll break up with Eliza," he pleaded, "I'll cut off Angelica. I won't ever speak to Maria again. But John, I'm begging you. Let me stay with you tonight."

Everything that John had wanted for the last month was sitting on the bed in front of him. He was perplexed, facing the ultimate exercise of his character. Hamilton had a way with words that was unmatched. Not only in the written sense. His tongue had an incredible ability to remain persuasive while also producing the most favourable sound. A melancholy atmosphere hung in the air which made it tight to breathe, but to John it was bittersweet. Alexander had been so vulnerable to him tonight, and he felt like a dick for saying no. No matter how much he could allow himself to get captivated by Alexander's flowery language or by his soft yet passionate touch, he couldn't. Alex was in a relationship.

"Alexander..." John slighted away from his touch, "Not until after you break up with Eliza okay? Isn't that fair?"

His friend huffed, pulling his hand away.

It was so childish that Laurens had to chuckle, "I'm not as good with words as you are, but I know how I feel. I think it's uh... obvious that we feel a similar way to each other." He felt awkward suddenly addressing his feelings for Alex after such a long time of concealment, and his face burnt up, "I'm sorry. I do really like you. I just don't wanna hurt anyone."

Alex smiled sadly, leaning back to the wall behind him, "I understand."

"You do?" John knew he seemed eager, but that wasn't his intention. He felt like he had to justify himself. And since Alex had already opened up a lot, it was easy. Memories came back to him all at once. Ones that he had suppressed for so long. Sighing, he realised he finally needed to speak about them. "When I was... 'with' Charles Lee," he used air quotes, "he'd always see other people at the same time as me. He almost always had a girlfriend to keep up his public reputation as a big tough straight guy. But there were most definitely always other guys. No matter how much I begged him to stop seeing other people, he continued. He never got violent with me or anything." John chuckled as the bruise on the stomach reminded him of what had happened. "At least, he never used to. But everything made me feel like absolute shit."

Alex stared solemnly at his friend.

"I just don't wanna be on the other side of that. I don't want make anyone feel the same way I did." John glanced off, and began to return to a lying down position.

"John, it's okay. I'm not upset."

"Can't we just act like friends for a little bit?"

He knew that it would only last until after he broke up with Eliza. And even after so long of suppressing their emotions, it would prove to be more challenging after that night. "Yeah. I think I can do that."

John sighed in relief, beginning to laugh, "God, you're such a fucking flirt."

"I am not!" Alex joined in with the joke, knowing they both needed to let off steam.

"You have how many people interested in you right now?" he pointed out, "And I promise you it's not because of your good looks." _It was. John was just making a point._

"Ouch..."

"And if you're already dating someone then there's no other reason people would like you. You're a flirt."

Alexander rolled onto his stomach and rested his chin on John's arm, looking back up at him brightly. "I'm not a flirt!" he insisted, "I just like you okay?"

John hummed, "I like you too."

Alexander shifted to a new position where he was laying on John with his arm around his chest, cautious of his injuries. Laurens placed his arm around Alex's back to hold him in place. Hamilton was content with this new place, snuggling into the other's body. A few moments passed, and he couldn't miss the opportunity to mock him. He lifted his chin to rest on John's chest this time, "Just friend's huh?"

John could feel his heart beating faster as Alex shifted into this position, not realising how long it's been since he had had anyone to treat him this way. It made him nervous, and he let out a shaky laugh, "Friends can cuddle."

"Can they?"

"Well, _we _can." His correction made Alexander grin in amusement. John's other hand came up to caress Alex's cheekbone, floating like the touch of a ghost admiring his facial structure. "I really like your smile," he whispered.

The smirk disappeared from Alexander's face. The compliment took him off guard, and made his cheeks go red, but he tried to play it off. "That's kinda gay," he joked.

The two smirked at each other before Alex looked down and buryed his face in John's chest to hide his embarrassment. He was then enveloped between John's body and John's arms, able to listen to his escalated heart beat and breathing.

They remained in that position for a short while without saying another word until John felt the need to say something.

"I love you, Alex."

No response.

He looked down at the boy he was holding and smiled. Miraculously, Alexander had fallen asleep. The guy who seemingly never slept was now at rest in his arms.

There was something that John hadn't noticed when he was crushing on Alex. He was charming in every possible way. Charistmatic and delightful. 


	14. FOURTEEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello <3 The Hamilfilm came out on Disney+ and I feel motivated to write so here's two chapters. There will be more up soon. Check the end of the chapter please! I'd like to get your feedback on something. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

He had been lying awake for several minutes now, too conscious of the smaller boy sleeping in his arms to move to in case he woke. It was funny to him. He had never known Alex to get much sleep. There had been perpetual dark bags under his eyelids for the entire time of their friendship, and the last time they had slept in a bed together, John knew he hadn't slept a wink. So considering this, the sight of Alexander sleeping so deeply was quite a shock, though each of the breaths he took lulled John to a state of amity.

But this peace of mind was short lived as John's mind flashed with the memories of the night before, and for a moment his calmness was replaced with an overwhelming feeling of uneasiness. And still, the grogginess of waking up enveloped him and a foul taste consumed his mouth. He needed to brush his teeth. So he softly slid away from under Alexander, and smiled to himself when he snuggled deeper into the pillows. He was still asleep. That was good.

As he straightened out his torso, he felt a jab of soreness in his abdomen, and doubled over for just a moment. Remarkably, he supressed any form of grunting as to not wake his friend. After a few moments of recovery, he straightened up. The agony twisted deeper as he moved, but deep breaths allowed him to handle it. Delicately, he waddled his way to the closed door, opening it and shutting it behind him silently as he exited.

The bathroom was just across the hall. Stepping in, he locked the door and let out a big sigh as he relaxed his muscles. He was alone now, and something about being alone made him content.

Again, the pain tugged at his core, bringing him to clutching onto the sink with a short cry in an effort to stay standing. Above the basin was a mirror, and that's when he caught the first glimpse of himself.

Sweat was building up on his forehead, and his hair was loosely tied from the night before. He looked greasy, and decided that a shower the moment he got home was the best option. Then as he lifted his chin up, he caught a glimpse of the new bruising under his chin. A light reddish purple colour, and not nearly as dark as he was expecting. This was a relief. Even if it would be difficult for him to eat or speak for the next few days, at least there wouldn't be a reminder of the previous night's events for too long.

The smarting pain continued in the lower part of his frame as he carefully prying off his shirt, the same one worn the night before. It found its place discarded on the floor a moment later and would remain there as John examined the marks on his abdomen. About three distinct bruises were identifiable, littered among his left side. The worst of all of them was located on his ribcage, that had turned purple and blue. It stretched down his side and stung at every moment. The other two sat on his lower stomach, and adorned a spotty dark red colour. These two were not nearly as painful as the major one, but John recalled them causing him some discomfort as he slept.

Gazing at himself in the mirror was surprising to him. He understood that what he had endured last night had been painful, but he didn't realise at the time that it was this bad. Now, he was especially glad that he decided not to see Charles again. With the older boy's new violent tendencies, he pitied anyone who would end up with him in the future. And if Lee was ever present in John's life again, then he wouldn't mind throwing a punch or two of his own.

He wasn't too badly hurt. He would heal in a few days and forget all about the fight and about Charles Lee soon after that. Nothing would matter then. He had so many good things to look forward to in the near future. Perhaps he was getting his hopes up, but as he stared at the injuries on his body, only one thought came to mind.

_I look like absolute shit._

John felt the strong urge to clean himself up. So that's just what he did. With intention, he ran the water and let it flow through into his cupped hands. He ignored his body's instinct for pain as he leant over the basin and splashed water onto his face. Another handful of water. He rubbed the grogginess off. He repeated this action several times until small streams were flowing down his neck and bare chest. Refreshed and now energised, he took out the toothbrush that he had left in Alex's bathroom last time and scrubbed with a toothpaste that wasn't as minty as he liked. He began to feel cleaner. 

John, hating that there was a bruise visible so close to his face, pondered about what he could do about it. He couldn't go home looking like that. _Too many questions, _he decided. More ice would be the best option for him, but he felt odd going into Alex's freezer while he wasn't awake, and so decided to wait. 

Not wanting to awaken Alex by entering the room again, he stayed in the bathroom. His newfound comfort in being clean wasn't long-lived. Once again, memories spiralled in his mind from the night before, overwhelming him with jeering thoughts. 

Alexander. Undoubtedly, John cared very much for him. The boy who was responsible for consuming all of his waking thoughts for the last few weeks. Shamefully, the simple admiration had turned into something more. While he'd normally rejoice at someone actually liking him back, one little detail kept jabbing at him conscience, and begging to take over. 

Eliza. He thought of how hurt she would be if she ever found out. Alex cheated on her. Not only that, but he cheated on her with another guy. The initial shock would turn into anger, and her sisters would find a way to get back at them both. John would become the next Sally Hemmings, and he would be forced to come out. And this thought was too overwhelming to dwell on for too long, and his mind continued spiralling. 

Any chance of rekindling a friendship between her and Alex would be lost. She would despise him. But at the same time, he knew Eliza was the sweetest person at their school. Eliza deserved better than for John to follow through with doing anything with Alexander. _Fuck it, _Eliza deserved better than anyone who would do that to her. Anyone who would be completely fine with people liking him whilst being in a relationship just shouldn't date anyone. No one deserved to get cheated on. He knew that better than most people. So why did he allow himself to throw himself on Alex like that? 

Conflict. He wanted more than anything to believe what Alexander had said the night before. About love, he supposed, though the use of that word made a nervous feeling rise in his gut. John was stuck between choosing over what was right and what he wanted. Being with Alexander, if Alex had been serious about it the night before, would be the best case scenario for Laurens. He'd be in euphoria the entire time, he was sure of it. But where did this leave Eliza? He wanted desperately to believe everything that Hamilton had said the night before about love, but that made it so much harder for him to choose the right thing. 

Guilt overran him in these moments, but he couldn't get upset. He didn't pretend to know the answer to the mess they had thrown themselves into, but he believed and hoped that it would be revealed in time. 

John had to face Alexander. They had to talk about it. He had to. 

So he left the bathroom - shirt in hand, ready to put on - and returned with a shock when he entered the bedroom to find Alex sitting up with legs dangling on the side of his bed. He was on his phone, _of course. _His head shot up as the door creaked open, and morphed into a smile as he saw John. 

"I thought you left me," Alex remarked, "I was just about to direct message you." 

John allowed himself to laugh at Hamilton's lack of lingo, "Of course I didn't leave." 

Alexander swung his legs up and returned to his normal place in his bed, still sitting. It was at this moment where Laurens became acutely aware that he hadn't yet put on his shirt, and his face flushed as he fumbled to get it back on. But his friend could see the spotty marks of bruises littered across his torso, and tried desperately not to let his eyes linger on John's body for an extended period. The ghost of a smirk came to his face against his will that made the other boy embarrassed. 

"I was cleaning myself up in the bathroom," he explained, "Did I wake you?" 

"No way," Alexander assured, "I'm always awake." His tone was so serious that John couldn't tell if he was remotely kidding. 

"Wrong, I saw you very clearly sleeping in the morning." 

"Whatever," he huffed, "What time is it anyway?" 

"It was 10 last time I checked." 

His eyes widened, "What? No, it couldn't be." As he scrambled for the phone, he seemed to do a double take on the time. _10:19AM. _"I never sleep in... that's so strange." 

"You hardly sleep, Alexander, so what part of that is supposed to surprise me?" John's voice was choked as he swallowed back a new pain that was surging through his abdomen. He didn't want Alex to see. 

"I sleep!" 

"How much?" 

He hesitated, looking down and mumbling, "That's not important." 

A laugh shook John's frame, and that was enough to send the pain shooting up to split his side. He pressed a hand to it and leant back into the door behind him for support. 

This took his friend by surprise, "Shit, are you alright?" 

Before John could answer, Alex had already sprung up to help him. Laurens groaned, not being able to form words for a moment, "I'm fine, Alex. Really." 

An arm wrapped around his back, and helped him get to bed with another groan as he laid back down. 

"Thank you." 

Alexander furrowed his brows as he sat at the side of the bed, able to see the bruises on the underside of his friend's chin, "That doesn't look good." 

"Doesn't feel good either," he forced himself to smile, but his stomach was still searing in agony. 

Alexander's eyes lowered to the boy's shirt as he tried to recall if the bruises there were any better, "How does your stomach feel this morning?" 

"Shitty," he said accompanied with a humourless laugh. 

Unexpectedly, a hand was placed on John's. Instantly, this filled him with some kind of relief. Looking up to see his friend's soft eyes laced with concern was a heartbreaking sight, and caused a melancholic strain to manifest itself alongside the pain. Somehow, seeing someone so distressed because of his unfortunate state made the discomfort start to ease. 

When Alex realised that his friend had settled into the touch, he let his other hand join; tentatively taking John's hand with both of his, allowing his thumbs to ghost over his palm. Intently, he examined the roughness present in certain parts. Callouses had developed on the fleshy inside of his palm. Marks on the back of his knuckles were present, that Alex could only guess were from struggling to get away from Lee last night. The heel of his hand displayed grazes from when he had fell onto the coarse dirt and tried to support himself upon landing. 

The taller boy had noticed an increase in the speed of his breathing, and hoped that Alex wouldn't be able to notice his accelerated pulse. His delicate touch over John's sensitive hand had taken him by surprise but had also succeeded in relaxing him. 

Until his thoughts started to come back. Until his conscience took over once again. Until he remembered that they were both bad people and what they were doing was wrong on so many levels and that they needed to stop. 

John couldn't manage to pull his hand away from Alex's, but kept his eyes fixed as his hand was squeezed gently. He sighed, "Are we gonna talk about last night?" 

This had clearly disturbed the moment, and the faulter in Hamilton's movements could be felt as he processed what had just been said. Slyly, he replied, "Which part of it?" 

"All of it?" John stated, though it sounded more like a question. 

Alexander furrowed his brows, before lifting his gaze to meet his friend's eyes. They were slightly squinted, and his expression showed a thoughtfulness that Laurens had only ever seen in that boy alone. "That's a bit difficult." 

"How is it difficult?" 

He shifted in place. "You kissed me," he stated a little too obviously. 

Laurens shrugged, "You kissed me back."

Solemnly, he nodded, "I know." 

"You have a girlfriend." 

A hitched breath left Alexander's throat, and he looked down dubiously, "...I know." 

Moments passed, and John was sure that Alex wasn't going to continue. The former even opened his mouth to start speak, before he was interrupted. 

"I remember what you said last night. I can't lie to Eliza, you're right. I won't act on anything until I tell her the truth. We won't do anything further until then." 

John nodded, relieved that Alexander was in the same state of mind as him. But he found a new humour in the situation that he hadn't found before, especially as he realised that they were still holding hands. He looked at their interlaced fingers, "Look, I didn't even know you were into guys until last night so you can imagine my surprise when everything happened." 

"I told you I was bisexual." 

Hamilton spoke in that same matter-of-fact tone he used when he knew he was right. When John heard that, he was pretty much ready to accept it, but it had always been more fun to continue their petty bickering. "You did not." 

"I fucking did!" 

"When?" 

"After Jefferson's party. While we were in here." 

John was still baffled, "I don't remember." 

Cocking his head, he remembered a minor detail, "Granted, it was in the middle of the night so I see how you might not recall." 

"Of course I don't remember then, you dumbass," he teased, "You never brought it up again." 

An amused smile came to Alex's face, and he spoke playfully, "I'm sorry. Maybe I should have mentioned it again for your sake." 

John took his hand away from Alexander's to scratch his nose, and with the lost contact he felt a pang of something he hadn't felt before. An ill feeling rising in his gut. Loneliness, he managed to place it, but there was also some sort of anxiety. He had fallen into a trap where he was in the wrong and could very easily get rejected and hurt. John had never been a vulnerable person, and he didn't particularly like that feeling of not knowing. Uncertainty. He didn't like uncertainty. 

There was something he had to ask, but it created a uneasy feeling of apprehension as the words formed in his mind. Trying to sound as composed as he could, he asked, "What's going to happen from here?" 

It seemed apparent that it wasn't just Laurens who was disquieted by this, as Alexander hunched over himself slightly, and his body became stiff. But they made eye contact once more. "Do you like me?" 

What he meant by that question was obvious, and John knew the answer straight away. Tension broiled in his stomach as he worried about the exposure to his emotions. "I..." he fumbled with his words, "Yeah. I like you." 

A moment passed - long for John, and short for Alex - as the latter processed the response he got. Once he did, he hummed happily, "Good." 

Flustered at his reply, John looked down with a small smile. "Do you - er, like me?" he had to ask, even if he struggled finding the right words. He secretly kicked himself for sounding so nervous, but his friend found it endearing. 

"Of course I do," Alexander said boldly, "I think I certainly made it clear how I felt last night." 

Laurens flushed as he remembered the way his friend had proclaimed his love in such an open fashion, and his boldness suddenly allowed himself to gain a wave of confidence to ask a further question, "Have you ever been with a guy before?" 

Half of a smirk manifested of Hamilton's face. "Yeah," he nodded, "Well, kind of. I haven't... _dated _a guy, _per se_, but I have had... encounters." 

"Alex," he seemed amused at what his friend was alluding to, "How is it even possible that you've had so many people interested in you?" 

"Things were different back home," he shrugged, "Relationships were different. People were a lot more carefree, and there weren't many expectations. Not with... boys and girls. Or boys and boys. Or girls and girls sometimes. No one cared as much as they do here. I don't particularly miss the Carribbean, and don't get me wrong, I love America, but I miss that a little." He realised how bad he made it out to be, and started talking once more, "It wasn't like big orgies or loads of cheating like you probably think it was. I can assure you that you're most likely exaggerating things in your head. Being in a relationship with Eliza is just so different to how I expected it and it's not that I don't like her because I definitely do. I never thought that I'd do anything bad to her but last night was just... horrible. There's no excuse for it. In all honesty, the only thing that bugs me is that I don't like her the same way I like you." 

There he was once more with his silver tongue. It never ceased to amaze John how easily Alex could articulate his feelings, despite the fact that he kept so much bottled up. A hand rested on his shoulder, and the boy leant closer to John in a reassuring manner. 

"John, I don't have ill intentions with you. I know we went about things the wrong way, and I most definitely shouldn't have told you some of the things that I have. Please don't be worried about anyone else. If I knew I had a chance with you sooner, then I would have expressed my feelings to you before now." 

A sudden pulse of his heart threatened to escape John's chest. A storm of anticipation and excitement starting to swell within him as he tried to contain himself. "I don't know what to say to that," his voice came out as croaky, but they both understood the sincerity. 

Alexander was now leaning over the bed, hand clutching onto the other boy's upper arm in an attempt to get closer. The gap between their faces was only inches, and no matter how desperately they both wanted to close it, they forbade themselves. Hamilton made eye contact, "Do you want to be with me?" 

A breath got stuck in John's throat, and suddenly the moment became tender. One of his hands came up to touch Alexander's, and he wanted to pull the other boy as close as he could and hold him as tightly as possible. He wanted Hamilton to be his, and he felt an overwhelming happiness and sense of relief consume him, though it did not manifest as a smile. Instead, tears started to prick at his eyes and short breaths escaped him that resembled a quiet but excited chuckle. He couldn't help but admire the eyes he was now gazing into. The deepest shade of blue he could imagine eclipsed by the dilation of his pupils. They squinted in concern as they noticed the tears in John's eyes. And though he had never thought a boy to be beautiful before, that was the only word that came to mind as those eyes stared back at him. He choked back his incoming sobs, "Alex, of course I do." 

It was clear how emotional he was, but Alexander knew that look was not one of melancholy. John's tears in this moment were a mix of relief and happiness, all amplified by the draining encounter from the previous night and the pain that lay dormant in his abdomen. The two were then locked into a tight embrace - their hands awkward - as John wiped away a tear that fell with the back of his hand. Only a few sobs exited him, which silently, he kicked himself for, yet Alex didn't seem to mind. 

Several minutes passed, and they remained in this position. Their breaths were heavy, and John's hands had moved to Alexander's messy ponytail, using small and curious strokes to explore his hair and scalp. His hair seemed to be soft, which contrasted from its greasy appearance. This helped to put at bay the way he was feeling in that moment. Complex emotions were filling him, and a simple description of that feeling would be 'relieved.' Relieved that he wasn't a fool for feeling how he did about Alexander. Relieved that his feelings were reciprocated. Relieved that he actually had a shot. 

After a few moments passed, John realised he had forgotten about Eliza. He knew that nothing could happen if his friend didn't tell her the truth. With a gentle touch on the shoulder, Laurens directed his friend to sit up so that they were looking at each other, "You need to tell Eliza." 

Hamilton nodded to show his understanding, "I will." 

The colour from John's face suddenly drained away. "Don't-" he fumbled, "Don't tell her about us. I don't want people to know I'm gay." 

He noticed the introspective look on Alex's face as he cocked his head. 

"I'm not out to my family. If it gets back to them..." he trailed off, not wanting to continue. A painful feeling seared in his abdomen. 

"I understand," his friend reassured, "It's okay. I won't tell her. I'll just say that... that I don't think it's going to work out." 

"Alexander?" 

"Yeah?" 

Sheepishly, he continued, "I hate to ruin the moment but can you please get me some ice? I don't want my bruises to get worse than they already are." 

"Of course," Alex smiled. He felt tempted to plant a small kiss on John's cheek in that moment, but knew that would betray everything that he had just said. So he stood up and flashed another grin at his friend, "I'll see what I can get you." 

He sunk down into the old mattress, and let one of his hands hold onto his stomach in an attempt to alleviate the pain. 

"Thank you." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've been posting several chapters at one time, but I feel like you could get more frequent updates if I update several times a week as opposed to waiting a month for three or four chapters. Let me know if you'd prefer more consistent updates or loads at one time.


	15. FIFTEEN

When John left to go to school on Monday, he was surprised to see Alex waiting outside again. He had started doing that weeks ago, and even if this was nothing new by now, the gesture moved John, and he felt a warmth grow in his chest that contrasted with the early morning chill. An easy smile manifested onto his face which was mirrored by wide grin from Alexander when he caught sight of his friend. He threw his arms around John. Remarks were shared about the now healing bruise on Laurens' chin, and about their concern for the day. Any thoughts of the incident the other night were pushed away and their conversation turned idle as they walked to school.

That day came and went rather quickly, with little discussion about what had happened at Alexander’s house or the events of the weekend’s party. Burr was certainly not one to invoke an argument, and none of them were about to. Things remained as civil as they possibly could.

Their lives seemed to have continued at a normal pace, but that same little secret was starting to eat up John Laurens. He and Alexander remained close; they shared a stronger bond with one another than Hercules or Lafayette shared with each other. This was to be expected after their confessions but did not go without guilt.

Alex had seemingly forgot that he promised to break up with Eliza. Their relationship didn’t falter from an outside perspective, even if Hamilton was known to not be enjoying himself as much as usual. And even if the two boys had technically remained friends and hadn’t progressed to anything more than that, John knew he wouldn’t be comfortable if things remained the way they were. But he also wasn’t sure if it was his place to correct his friend or not.

The breaking point for him was when Alex shared some news with the group at the lunch table.

“So… I invited Eliza over on Friday night.”

Hercules raised his eyebrows, chuckling, “Ohh – what are you two lovebirds planning to get up to?”

Lafayette joined in on the teasing, nudging him on in the arm.

But Alex just shrugged with a sly look on his face, “I’m afraid that will remain between Eliza and I.”

“Alright, but you’ll have to tell us how it went,” Lafayette insisted.

“We aren’t doing anything exciting,” he smirked, “Just watching a few movies and ordering pizza. My brother’s going out for the night so I thought that would be a good time to just hang out.”

“Well, be sure to send her our regards,” said Hercules.

While they were teasing, John sat there feeling his skin turn cold. Alexander was really going to continue pursuing Eliza as if nothing had happened. A tang of rejection churned in the depths of his stomach. All of the promises he made were null and void. But regardless of his personal feelings, he was going to try and be happy for his friend, even if he knew it was wrong because it wasn’t his place to step in and change anything.

But Lafayette saw how strange he was acting. Ever since John had confessed he had a crush on Alexander, he had been picking up small details that would otherwise go unnoticed. This week, however, John would become reticent whenever Alex spoke about Eliza. At first, Lafayette thought it was jealousy, but there was something off about it. And perhaps it was nosy, but he needed to find out what was going on.

Cut to Friday afternoon, showing Eliza and Alex with their arms locked starting to walk to his house. All that could be heard was giggling as they continued out of sight.

John was left at the gate of the school feeling sick to his stomach. He had been nothing but anxiety the last few days, preparing for this moment. And as he stood there he realised that he hadn’t felt this lonely in a long time. Everything that the two had shared the previous weekend seemed superficial at this point.

He hated how Alexander went on and pretended like the last weekend had not happened. Finally, he had the courage to deal with feelings he had pushed deep down for weeks only to be thrown aside by the person he cared about the most. All of the promises he had made just earlier that week were suddenly forgotten about. Discarded. Unimportant. All those flowery, persuasive and soft words that were shared between them. Were they really just in the heat of the moment?

_I wish it were in my power to convince you that I love you. _

“I think you and I should have a chat,” Lafayette appeared from behind John, causing a fright. “Do you want to get a coffee?”

John sighed, “You know my dad wouldn’t let me on such short notice.”

“But you’ve said he’s fond of me,” he joked, “Just text him now and I’ll have you home before seven.”

He seemed to only have two options: go home and wallow in a pit of guilt and anxiety, knowing that he had been left behind by the person he was closest to; or go out with Lafayette and get everything off his chest, and not only would he feel better, but he wouldn’t be thinking about Alex the whole time. The decision seemed especially clear when he framed it like that.

-:-:-:-

John’s favourite drink was a caramel iced latte. He loved this café because it was run independently, located just around the corner from the mall in case he wanted to look around afterwards. It didn’t hurt that their customer service was impeccable, returning orders in just a few minutes every single time.

Lafayette had ordered an espresso with a croissant and started digging in as soon as it was brought to their table.

“Thanks for bringing me here. I really needed this, Laf.” John smiled softly, taking a sip of his coffee and feeling the warm, bitter drink fill his empty stomach.

“As did I, _mon frère.” _

Their conversation turned to school matters for a short time. Neither of them were comfortable with delving into serious matters straight away, but inevitably, it spiralled back to what had happened before they left school.

“You appear to have a lot on your mind, John,” Lafayette said compassionately.

“No shit,” he replied, sarcastically. At this point, he was more than halfway through his drink, and he was awake enough to attempt putting his feelings into coherent phrases.

What was Alexander doing right now, he wondered. The past few days, his mind had been filled with nothing but thoughts of their encounter together. Alexander’s flowery words reassuring him that he was cared for and special were overthrown by the way he spoke about Eliza. The image of them walking away together arm-in-arm extinguished any hope that they might recover from this rough week.

“I did something really bad, Laf,” John admitted, clasping onto his cup.

His friend furrowed his brow, “With Alexander?”

John swallowed, “Yeah…”

He didn’t know what the feeling was that permeated him. Was it jealousy or guilt? Sadness, rejection or did he feel sorry for Eliza? He knew it would feel better once he got it out.

“He opened up to me a little after the party last week, and… I don’t know exactly how it happened but… one thing led to another and…” John looked away, “I kissed him.”

_“Pardon?” _

“I know,” he grimaced at the memory, knowing how it must sound to his friend, “But he kissed me back. And then we stopped and I was like, _‘You have a girlfriend, we can’t be doing this.’ _And then he said, ‘_Okay, I’ll break up with her.’ _And it all happened so fast and I regret what I did but… he said so many things to me, Laf, and it made me really hopeful that maybe we could be something?” He stopped for a moment to catch his breath, “But now he’s going out with Eliza again – after doing that with me – and he hasn’t said a word about what happened. And… the guilt is killing me.”

They both took a moment to let John’s words hang in the air. Lafayette cursed, “I see.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty complicated.” John took another sip of his coffee to try and ease his tension.

“I noticed things were a little weird between you two but I had no idea…” Lafayette’s feelings merged together into a single frustration, “And after all that happened between you two, he thought it would be okay to continue to go out with Eliza?”

John lit up, “So you understand?”

“Of course,” Lafayette said, “He shouldn’t be doing this. You need to convince him to break up with her.”

John sighed, “But it isn’t really my place to do that. I mean, I’m the reason they’re going to break up, if they do. I shouldn’t be involved anymore than that.”

He thought for a moment, “So you want Alexander to keep lying to her just because you don’t want to get involved?”

“Of course not.”

“Well, do you want me to say something?”

“No!” John massaged his temples, releasing stress that had been built up, “You shouldn’t have to take care of my mess for me. I can do it, Laf. But… I don’t know how.”

That was when one of the waiters came by to collect Lafayette’s empty plate. He thanked her politely, before saying to John, “I can help you work this out if you’d like.”

“But I don’t want you stressing about it.”

Lafayette waved his hand dismissively, “No stress about it, I want to see this sorted out just as much as you. So if you’ll allow me to guide you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm about three chapters ahead, and I've been writing like the last song of act 1. Next update within the next week :-) I do have to return to school soon, so updates may be slowed down, but I'll do my best to stick to a schedule and keep writing.


	16. SIXTEEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deciding to update biweekly. From now on, updates will be on Wednesdays and Saturdays.

The final scenes of _The Revenant _lit up the living room. The pizza box with just two slices was left on the coffee table, next to the empty bag of microwave popcorn. The night had been perfect thus far, like something out of a rather simple fantasy.

In the current moment, Alexander found himself lost in the taste of Eliza’s peach lip balm. His brother had left about 20 minutes earlier, so it was only appropriate that they both spent some time being intimate.

Their legs were tangled together. Eliza’s fingers threaded themselves through his hair, her fingernails scraping his scalp ever so slightly. His hands were wrapped around the back of her head and cupping her cheek. Their lips had been locked this whole time, with no sign that they were going to stop soon. This was certainly one of their more passionate encounters. The heat from their bodies were radiating against one another, and small, quiet noises occasionally escaped from their mouths.

Eliza never considered herself to be much of a romantic. She was more of a dreamer; one who would create fairy tales in her mind, without any intention of carrying through with it. But since she started dating Alexander, his romantic nature had consumed her very being. Perhaps it was the way he spoke – so sultry and convincing – that swept her off her feet and stole her heart. Hid voice, his encapsulating eyes… the boy was certainly not afraid of his feelings, and to her that was a very meaningful thing, indeed.

These things certainly didn’t kill the mood when they would share meaningful moments such as this. And though she felt clumsy and inexperienced compared to him, she knew that there was no denying how safe she was in his arms.

Their lips parted for the first time in their exchange as they both caught their breath, foreheads resting against one another as if not to lose their current place. They both grinned widely, eye contact as strong as a crashing wave, both being overcome with passion.

Alexander sat up to grab his glass from the table, taking a big gulp of his water and wiping away any drops that spilt down his chin. He looked up at the TV, recognising that the credits of _The Revenant _were now playing. He chuckled, “Well, I suppose that’s one way to pass the time. I’m sorry you didn’t get to see the end of it.”

Eliza remained slumped against her seat, smirking, “I can just watch it another time. Besides, I don’t think the movie could have beat… that.” She giggled.

Alexander placed his glass on the table, giving her a glance. He felt a pang in his heart looking upon her, and his breath hitched, “You know, there isn’t anyone I can think of who is as beautiful as you are?”

She was caught off guard, but quickly thought of a rebuttal, “I can think of a few people.”

“Like who?”

“Well, Angelica for one…” her insecurity towards her sister manifested itself in that single statement.

Alex scoffed, “That’s hardly fair. She’s nobody when compared to you.”

Eliza let a small smile come to her face, but she knew that he was likely lying or exaggerating and it didn’t sit right with her. She had been meaning to ask him something, and perhaps now wasn’t the best time but she wanted to get it done with. A few moments passed. She sat up a little taller. Then asked, “How many people have you been with?”

Alexander was not prepared for that sort of question to say the least. He knew the answer – _too many. _But that was never something desirable to say to one’s significant other. So he shrugged, and instead answered, “A couple.”

“Like, how many people have you kissed?”

He chuckled, nervously, “I don’t know.”

“What about…” she leant forward, “What about sex?” Perhaps her insecurity was ringing through too heavily, but it was something she had been wondering for a while. She knew that his amount was more than he would ever admit, especially judging by his aura of confidence as he strut around attractive girls at parties and how certain his every move was when they would make out. “Like, what’s your number?”

He glanced over at her, letting himself laugh nervously, “Eliza, I really don’t know.”

“Is it more than five?”

That time, she came across as dismissive. As if she had a question that desperately needed an answer, and Alexander knew that he wouldn’t be able to tiptoe around something that direct. He nodded, answering flatly, “Yeah.”

“More than ten?” He noticed her brow start to furrow as she was speaking, but before he could answer, she asked, “More than twenty?”

Her voice seemed hollow at this point. Alex felt himself starting to get defensive. Eliza was the kindest girl, and he knew there was likely no judgement being passed his way, but he still felt like he needed to shoot back. “What does it matter?” He said with a touch too much anger and dismissiveness.

She slumped down, “I’m just… curious. I’m sorry.”

Clearly, she had touched a nerve, but she wanted to explain herself.

“I’m not like you, Alexander. I’ve never really had anybody interested in me before. And in all honesty, I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing.”

“It’s okay, Eliza,” he reassured her. After a few moments had passed, he decided to return the question. “How many people been with?”

She froze for a moment. It was fair that he would ask that after the types of questions she passed his way, but somehow she didn’t expect it. Eliza looked up to him with sad eyes and shrugged awkwardly. And from that, he gathered that the answer was clear. _None. _

“Oh…” he uttered in realisation, before correcting himself, “That’s okay. I seriously don’t mind. I just… had no idea. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Eliza bit her tongue as a nervous habit, looking for the right way to phrase what she was about to say. “Alexander,” she took his hand in both of hers, “I think I’m ready.”

“You’re ready?” He was about to ask her to elaborate but caught onto her meaning quickly enough. His breath hitched as he looked back at his innocent girlfriend, who’s eyes had gone wide from desire. It wasn’t a look he had seen from her before, and it elicited an involuntary reaction from certain parts of his body. But, he wasn’t about to make the same mistake as last time. “Eliza, are you sure?”

She leant in and tenderly gave him a kiss on the lips, pulling away to tell him, “I’m sure, Alexander.”

A few moments passed where they stared at each other. Alexander looked her up and down, and Eliza made no effort to conceal that she was looking at his body. Before they knew it, their lips were together again, and Eliza was pulled in a deep embrace. She let a small moan escape her mouth, knowing that it would be tantalising for the other.

Alexander wrapped his hand around the back of her neck, letting it travel down to her shoulder, holding her tightly, before slowly moving down to her chest. His hand rested there only a minute before traveling down to her waist, then holding her by the hip, and slipping under her shirt.

Her skin was soft and flawless. Their kiss broke for a moment as Alex brought his other hand to a symmetrical position to the other, looking down at who he was touching. His thumbs caressed her bare hip, and then he looked back up to meet her soft eyes shining against the TV screen in the dark room. He decided that he was going to take his time and make tonight about her pleasure and her enjoyment; ensure that they both get as much out of this as possible. But that being said, this _was_ Alexander. He was going to be as passionate as ever.

In one slow but controlled movement, he removed her top. She lifted her arms up so it could go over her head and helped discard it onto the floor. Suddenly, she felt very cold. But Alexander’s eyes on her somehow heated her up. Her breathing slowed down as she examined the face he was making, one of pure, unadulterated attraction that proved to be a relief. The feeling was indeed mutual.

Eliza was wearing a tan bra; nothing fancy or eccentric, but it had a small bow in the middle. It perfectly held her _assets _and accentuated her small frame in all of the right ways. Her skin was flawless and pale, and she radiated innocence. Each heavy breath she took could be seen clearly, and all her movements were slow and cautious.

Alexander realised he had been staring for longer than what was necessarily appropriate and pried his eyes away from the astounding sight before him. He extended his arm, brushing a lock of hair away from her shoulder and subtly pushing her down, onto her back. She understood and positioned herself so that her head was resting on the end of the couch, able to look up at Alexander. Whether intentional or not was unknown, but her legs also parted; one dangled off the couch and one moved next to Alexander. This proved to be an invitation for Alexander, who shifted so that he was on top but not crushing Eliza.

He held her tenderly. One arm behind her back and the other tracing her body as he adorned her lips with many short kissed in between their breaths, eyes closed and simply feeling each other.

Her arm started to move to his neck, continuing down his chest and stomach at a tantalising pace. When she got to his lower abdomen, she was pleased with herself when his breath hitched – a clear sign that she had done something right. She wanted to touch him badly. He was wearing far too many clothes for her liking.

But instead of letting her continue, he grabbed her hand tightly and started kissing her neck. The soft lips against her skin drove her crazy as it continued down her chest and between her breasts, sucking a little bit on the way down. He smiled as her back arched, as if begging for more contact. But he continued past his bra, kissing over her stomach, hipbones and down to her lower stomach, driving her utterly mad. The only part of him she could touch was his hair, and as his lips came closer and closer to her core, she became suddenly aware of how desperate she was.

She had never been touched in this way before, and she finally understood why they called it intimacy. There wasn’t another word she could use to describe how wonderful it felt to be this close to someone, taking their whole being in with every little touch. Feeling them move when you move. Hearing them breathe when you breathe. Every sense of yours is shared with the other person. Intimacy was the most you could share with another person.

Alexander looked up to see Eliza staring down at him. She was starting to unravel. He could feel her breathing speeding up, and he knew it would only be a matter of time. He gave her a sly smirk, sitting up a little. “Do you want to take this into my room?”

His voice was gravelly, and she knew what would happen when they moved rooms. But part of her knew she couldn’t wait any longer. She took a few deep breaths, before sitting up herself, nodding.

The two of them retreated from the living room. Needless to say that they weren’t disturbed for the next hour or so.

-:-:-:-

The sound of running water could be heard even from his bed. Eliza had gone for a shower, and Alexander was left to lay in the musty but sentimental aura that flooded his room. Every breath he took was heavier than the last, and he was on a cloud of euphoria. The night had gone perfectly – better than he could have ever expected. But he couldn’t lie there still the entire time. His mind was racing, and he decided to pick up his phone.

A message from John Laurens appeared on the screen.

**John: Are you available rn? **

It was sent half an hour ago. A tang of worry started to creep into his stomach as he unlocked his phone to respond.

**Alexander: I’m here. Are you okay? **

The message was seen immediately, but John typed for about a minute. Alexander only imagined him trying to phrase what he was going to say and having to rewrite it multiple times. But then it sent.

**John: You need to break up with Eliza. **

It caught him off guard. Of course, it made sense. Alex knew instantly what he was talking about and why he would send such a thing when he did. But it made him realise that he had been untruthful to so many people within the past week. He was never an entirely honest person. Often, he would save the unimportant details of certain situations when he felt like it would burden what he was trying to say. But something like this, he knew, was not a thing that people should lie about.

And how would he break it to Eliza at a time like this? After she had just given him something she felt to be very important – something she hadn’t shared with anyone else before. After they had just made love in the same bed where he had kissed John just a week prior.

That was not a nice thing to think about.

He couldn’t even think to imagine how poorly he had treated them both in the past week without realising. He had simply tried to put the past weekend behind him – for the better. And it wasn’t that he didn’t care for John. He simply cared for so many people at one that his heart couldn’t keep up with his mind.

He hadn’t even considered what happened with Maria at the party. He hadn’t told anybody about that. His shame had been consuming him the entire time, but there was nothing anything he could do about it. What was he going to say? He _almost _cheated on someone and felt bad about it? Perhaps John had a point – he was a fucking flirt.

Apparently, he had been staring at his phone for a few minutes, unsure how to respond, when John sent a second message.

**John: You just have to get it over with, man. I’m sorry. **

A deep breath.

**Alex: It’s not a good time, John. **

**John: It’s never going to be a good time. If you don’t get it over with now, then you’re never going to do it and you’re just going to lead her on even more. **

John knew his words came directly from Lafayette. They were rehearsed and edited for a significant time that night so that he knew he would come out with the right thing. But regardless of how much he practiced, he felt like he needed to add something that wasn’t necessarily on the script.

**John: This isn’t about us. I don’t care if anything comes out of what happened. I just don’t want you to keep lying to her. **

Alexander wasn’t prepared to deal with something like that right then. He sneered after reading that message, pettily switching his phone off and placing it on his nightstand. How could John say something like that? He knew that he would be with Eliza, spending as much time together as possible and he clearly didn’t think that, maybe, Alexander had his own plan for what to do about the other night. Perhaps he had something that was far more elaborate and grandiose than the straightforward approach John had in mind that he simply was not a fan of. But now, with John’s suggestion, he felt pressured to make a decision immediately. His previous plan held no further weight, and he felt as though he was confined to John’s suggestion all of a sudden.

And surely, in that moment, Eliza stepped back into the room.

He hadn’t heard the shower turn off, or heard her footsteps approach the door. Only her voice as she entered.

“Are you alright, Alexander?”

He was sitting at the edge of the bed in a pitiful position. Shoulders slumped, back slouching and head down; hands gripped at his knees. He had never been good at hiding when something was wrong. That was something he was aware of. But it took him off-guard how Eliza noticed right away. Now, he would have to _address it, _and there was nothing he could had dreaded more.

He sat up straight with a sigh and looked at her, “Yeah.”

Aware of how blunt he was being, he adjusted his position on the bed so he was now leaning against the wall. Eliza was in nothing but her underwear, clearly ready to get dressed again as she looked for her jeans that were discarded on the floor earlier.

After what had happened between them, she expected to come back to a happier, more welcoming sight. A person that would hold her longer and tell her that she did well, even for her first time. But this Alexander clearly had something wrong with him. His thoughts had drifted from the encounter, and that brilliant mind of his was thinking up situations to stress about. It created a pit of dread in her stomach.

Alexander pushed back his hair, closing his eyes for a moment as he tried to channel all his thoughts into one, coherent phrase. Trying to find the clearest way through to what he knew he had to do.

“Eliza—” he cleared his throat— “I think we need to go on a break.”

The suggestion cut straight to the heart, and she felt every part of her body start to seize up. Her heart beat double time, her knees started shaking, and she found it considerably hard to breathe. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes, but she refused to let her body take control in a way like this. As the strong woman she is, she forced herself to speak. “I… I don’t – understand. Alexander?” It came out as a nervous sputter, but she figured it was better than saying nothing.

He noticed how panicked she became, and stood to comfort her immediately, “Hey, hey, calm down.” He held her shoulders, trying to steady her. “It’s not what you think.”

She brushed him off immediately, “I-it’s okay, I just… I n-need to get dressed, I—” she scrambled to get her jeans off the floor— “I need to…”

“Stop for a second,” he dropped to his knees to be the same level as her, steadying her so she didn’t keep freaking out. “Eliza, listen to me for a second.”

She scrambled to get her jeans on while he spoke as a way of composing herself.

“It’s not what you think. I can explain it to you another time, but for now, we just… we can’t be doing this, I’m really sorry.”

“Why are you saying this now?”

He stopped. _Because John asked me to. _

“It just came to mind.”

“Did I do something?”

She was panicking. He knew she would have done this, and _goddamn him, _why did he listen to John?

“Of course you didn’t do anything,” he reached out to take her hand, but she pulled it away. “I’m really sorry, Eliza, but I can’t say right now.” _John doesn’t want his father knowing. _“One day, I’ll tell you everything but for now, I just… we can’t be together.”

She sniffled. It killed him to see her in this state. She seemed like she didn’t know what to do, looking around the room at a hurried pace.

She caught her breath. It wasn’t desirable to have a panic attack at Alexander’s house, especially when she realised she was still in a rather vulnerable state in just her bra. Instead of arguing any longer, she walked out of the room, grabbing her shirt from the ground and dressing herself so she could be more respectable. Eliza grabbed her phone, scrolling through her contacts. When she landed on Angelica’s, she looked back up at him. “Look… thank you for tonight. I’m sorry for whatever I did. I’m gonna go wait for my sister to come get me.”

Alexander grimaced, “Eliza, please…”

When she continued walking to the door, he grabbed her by the arm and tugged her back. He grabbed both of her shoulders and looked her in the eyes. They were filled with tears, with one fat drop already spilling down her face. The sight made Alexander begin to tear up with the sure thought he had ruined everything.

He didn’t want things to end like this…

The whole experience was hell. He knew he made a mistake the second he said what he said, but he sure got what was coming to him. It would have been worse if Eliza found out about Laurens, or god forbid, Maria. Perhaps it was better this way.

He felt disembodied as he watched her break away from his grasp, turn around and head straight out of the door, onto the street. Even as he stood on his porch overlooking her running away from his house, he felt like a villain. He couldn’t even explain to her the whole story. The chill of the night threatened to overtake the inside of his house. The warmth was escaping. But Eliza wasn’t coming back in and waiting any longer would physically hurt. So regrettably, he shut the door and retreated to his room to wallow in the memories and sentiment of that night, and his strange feelings for so many people.


	17. SEVENTEEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Slight angst, description of poor mental state and self-destructive habits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck this dialogue is making my Tarantino show--

Alexander was certainly changed after Friday night. Without a girlfriend, and with too much anger to speak to his friends, he directed his attention on his studies. He hardly left his room all weekend and wrote over fifteen thousand words for his school papers. He had no time to sleep, or to eat or drink anything in that time, and whenever his brother would try and talk to him, or his friends would try and call, he would dismiss them.

John was worried about Alexander. He hadn’t returned any calls, hadn’t been on Instagram in several days, and hadn’t spoken to Hercules or Lafayette either. He was almost tempted to contact Eliza to ask about what happened between them Friday night, but he knew that wouldn’t be his place.

Regardless of how long he would be ignored, he still needed to make sure that his friend was okay. He hoped that when they went back to school, Alex would be there waiting at the gate and they would be able to reconcile in any way that was needed.

But when Monday came, and John stepped out into the street, Alexander was not waiting there like he normally would be. John felt a nervous stabbing pain in his chest. He had been there every morning since they started being friends. It was almost a tradition at that point, and it hurt now that it was broken. He became a nervous wreck, breathing unevenly as he walked to school by himself. The hardest part about fighting with someone like Alexander was that there was no way to fix it until he let you, and until then, you had no clue what you did wrong.

When John entered the school, he recognised his friend’s bag discarded on the floor outside the library. His heart started beating quicker as he opened the library door and scanned the room for Alexander’s face.

And there he was.

Head forward, eyes focused on his laptop screen, he was busy typing away at an unbelievable pace. He was wearing a dark hoodie, and his hair was down at his shoulders, unbrushed. Laurens sighed, relieved that he was at least at school.

But as he got closer, he realised what a mess Alex was. Behind his glasses, his eyes were swollen red, bulging out of their baggy sockets. His cheeks were hollow, and there were wrinkles appearing on his forehead from the way he scrunched up his face as he typed. It made John sad to see him like this. It was certainly food for concern.

“How long have you been here?” John demanded an answer.

His friend briefly looked up, momentarily surprised as if he hadn’t noticed the other boy’s presence. But Alex had to finish what he was typing; there was no time to stop and speak.

John sighed, crouching down to be level with the low desk. From this angle, he was able to better see the deep creases in his forehead and the bloodshot eyes from focusing on a screen for too long. “You look like shit,” he announced, a little too bluntly, “When was the last time you slept?”

Alexander sighed, continuing typing but feeling the compulsion to talk to John, “I don’t know.” His voice was hollow, with little to no expression or feeling. He was truly exhausted, and though he would normally be touched that John was checking in on him, he was still angry. Talking in that moment was nothing more than an annoyance.

His friend furrowed his brows, frankly alarmed at the sight in front of him.

He remembered the guilt he felt on Friday night as he frantically tried to contact Alexander, so scared he may have destroyed any connection they might have made. But no matter how many times he called or texted, he couldn’t get a response. Perhaps that was symbolic for who he was. Too busy and too stubborn. If he felt like someone had done the wrong thing, then he wouldn’t even want to be in the same space as them. It was ironic that Alexander was one with a temper as he was normally the deceitful one.

But all of John’s thoughts converged into one statement: “I was worried about you. Why didn’t you call?” 

For the first time he noticed, Alexander’s head turned away from the computer screen, eyes drooping as he looked directly at John. The glare he was faced with sent a chill through his body.

“I didn’t want to call you,” he said bluntly.

“I don’t understand, Alex,” John said, “Did I do something wrong?” He then lowered his voice, “I thought you agreed to the Eliza thing when I was at your place, and it just frustrated me that you weren’t doing anything. And I spoke to Laf and—”

“You told Lafayette?”

John hesitated, “Yes. But only because I wanted a second opinion.”

Alexander took a deep breath with an audible sigh and shut his laptop in a swift motion. He turned and faced John directly, the fury piercing through his being. In all honesty, it was a terrifying sight.

“You don’t even know what happened,” Alex pointed out.

“Because you won’t tell me.”

He sighed. He knew there was no way around this.

Alexander channelled a false friendly demeanour to explain himself. “Well, Eliza and I were having a _great _time that night, I’ll tell you what. And while she was… refreshing herself…”

John felt his throat go dry at what was being insinuated.

“…you texted me. And I figured, you put _so _much thought into it… and you had been a good friend to me thus far, so why shouldn’t I listen? And when Eliza came back, I told her that we should go on a break. You know what she did?” It was rhetorical, but he left a pause anyway. “She got so upset, John.”

He could have sworn that there was a touch of hurt on Alexander’s face.

“I could tell it killed her to hear me say that, after everything we had done. And while it’s true that I may have been leading her on, that doesn’t excuse me for getting rid of her so quickly.” He leant back in his chair, calming himself, “And all of that happened because I listened to you.”

John refused to back down, “I didn’t want you to continue lying to that girl.”

“I wasn’t lying to her.” Every word was enunciated intentionally. A sudden wave of anger came over Alexander, in which he was prepared to say anything that came to mind, regardless of whether it was true or not. “You thought that your opinion on the way I live was so important that you let it hurt my relationship. Just because you think you know the best for someone does not mean that you do. Did you think of the consequences of what you wanted me to do on Friday night? Or were you just thinking of yourself, because you felt guilty for what happened?” He leaned in closer, adding in a mocking tone, “Were you jealous, John? Because I think that’s what this is really all about. You said you cared for me, but someone who cared wouldn’t go behind my back and give me advice that would, in turn, ruin me.”

Those words hung in the air. John’s lip twisted as he went to argue but stopped himself as to not cause a scene near the librarians. There was no way Alexander could mean what he was saying, right? _He was just angry… _But it was not a nice thing to be listening to. He had known Alex for a short time, and had never seen him this worked up, not even with Jefferson. But it was John’s fault he was in the state that he was. It made him feel sick. After all that was shared between them, Alexander had shown his true colours. John had been kidding himself.

_Alex wasn’t interested in him. _

“Well, I’m sorry,” he croaked, “I thought I was doing the right thing.”

Alexander softened, for just a moment, “It doesn’t matter now, I suppose.” He stood up, clearing his throat, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to class.” He swung his bag over his shoulder. “I’ll see you around, John.”

Before anything else could be said, he was gone. After that encounter, John was left shaken. He hadn’t expected a reaction like that. Left doubting himself and unsure, he went to find Lafayette to get a shred of sanity after being in an encounter like that.

“He will get over it, John,” Lafayette reassured him, “Alexander is one of those – er, how you say? – ‘hot heads.’ He will come around.”

“But he said all that shit to me, Laf, and it doesn’t… it isn’t right. It doesn’t feel good.”

“I know, _mon frère, _I know. But after his anger has passed, he will come back to you. The boy clearly cares for you, and he will come back to you. There is certainly no way for him to deny his feelings at this point.”

They both chuckled. John couldn’t help but enjoy how good it was to recover from that fight. The words of affirmation from Lafayette were soothing, like ice being put on a bruise. Alexander’s words still stung, but in time, they would heal themselves. He would be back.

“He just needs time.”

-:-:-:-

If only he had more time.

He was on his third latte of the afternoon, prepared to remain in that café until it closed. Before he started working, he had no idea how much work he needed to get done on his studies. He had to write papers for almost everything, and on top of that he was behind in his study. He would never fall this behind again. Technically, he was not really behind. He had already started all his papers before the Laurens fight, and he had never missed a day of homework, but nonetheless: Alexander enjoyed pushing himself to his absolute limits to get his work done. Enjoy was perhaps the wrong word. It was more like a necessity, where he would feel like a better person having completed so much than he would if he had done nothing or sat down and felt sorry for himself for days on end. It didn’t hurt that work made for a good distraction.

_But John… _he had left John after being so cruel to him over things that were not technically his fault. His whole outburst and critical demeaner that morning was illogical. Alexander knew he had not been fair, but that was never his claim to fame anyway.

He needed to focus on his work.

But he kept thinking about John. The light that drained from his face as Hamilton raised his volume and let loose on him. He felt like something had possessed him to shift the blame from himself over to Laurens, one of the most innocent people he had ever met. All John wanted to do was try and help him get out of his own mess. Logically, he knew that he may have acted too quick and it cost him more than he was willing to give, but so what? He had never been one for slowing down before and he put himself in the crossfire. John was absolutely right when he called him a flirt. And not only that, but he made promises that he couldn’t keep and hated himself when he hurt anyone. And instead of dealing with it, he became enthralled with distraction.

He needed to focus on his work.

But he just couldn’t help thinking about John…

Fists balled, he hit the table, causing a clatter. For a brief moment, his mind was clear and he utilised this to enjoy the last few sips of his coffee. He examined his surrounding, the people, the workers, and the countless number of pages and tabs open on his device.

So sleep deprived that he could barely sit without slouching, he hardly noticed the girl walking up to his table and making a loud thud against the desk.

“You have some nerve coming here,” the girl said to him. And looking up, Alexander recognised her immediately, even from their limited interactions.

“Hello, Peggy,” he said, placing his drink back on the table.

She was wearing the worker’s uniform: a striped collared shirt with forgettable black pants. Alexander had no idea she worked there until that moment.

But she wasn’t her usual self. And, not entirely sure from the lack of concentration he had left, Alexander could not be certain if it was due to a workplace related disturbance or his mere presence.

She puffed with attitude, “You’ve been here for a long-ass time tonight, so what’s the deal?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’ve been sitting there for the past four hours doing nothing but drinking coffee and typing away. I don’t get it. Are you trying to get in my way?”

She came across as paranoid, and Alexander didn’t know exactly the correct response. “I didn’t even know that you worked here until just now. That’s the truth.”

Peggy narrowed her eyes in suspicion, “Does this have something to do with my sister?”

From their brief interactions, Alexander gathered that she was not a person who jumped to conclusions. She was a genuinely caring person, and even if she had asked about Eliza in an aggravated tone, it did not come from a place of judgement.

With these baselines, Alexander felt rather comfortable speaking to her. “It’s complicated,” he said briefly.

She started examining the scene before her. The dirty coffee mugs, the bags under Alexander’s eyes, and the laptop charger that awkwardly extended to a wall that was a bit too far away from his booth. It was clear that he was taking everything hard, almost as hard as how her sister had dealt with it, and she saw pity for him. Sighing, she felt the need to speak to him about this.

She glanced at the clock, “I get off work in fifteen minutes. Do you wanna talk about shit?”

He was taken by surprise. He almost felt inclined to turn down the offer, but he couldn’t bring himself to. She was already collecting the mugs he had left on the table to bring back and clean. Besides, what more harm could it do at that point?

So, he agreed and watched her work for the next fifteen minutes, in between typing his Great English Paper and the times where his head nodded as he desperately tried to stay awake, coffee ineffective.

When the time was up, Peggy returned with a backpack and a sports jacket over her uniform. She took a seat on the other side of the booth and looked at him. Alexander felt that he was being rude, and instinctually closed his computer lid to look back at her. The poor lighting did not do him any favours. Peggy could see how tired and miserable he was behind that busy, confident façade. Something about it especially bugged her.

“You look terrible.”

Alexander forced a chuckle, “I’ve been hearing that more and more lately.”

There was an awkward tension in the room. Eliza must have told her what happened on Friday night, and Peggy was dancing around ways in her mind to ask for his side of the story.

“Listen,” she said, “I don’t understand why you did that to my sister… but I know that you aren’t a bad guy. You just make bad decisions. And… whatever happened on Friday night, she’s not mad at you. You could still get her back.”

Alexander felt a sensation of anxiety coursing through him. Perhaps Peggy was not the best person to be talking to, but he needed an outlet and that may have been his only chance. He sighed, “I don’t think I should get her back.”

She didn’t understand.

“I’m not a good guy, Peggy,” he said slowly. He felt ashamed speaking to her, or even admitting that he’d done anything wrong, but he had hit a new low, even by his standards.

Her forehead creased, and in growing suspicion, she asked, “What do you mean?”

She noticed the hint of a sad smile coming to Alexander’s face, “Eliza is one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever met. She’s far more kind to me than what I deserve. I hope that she knows that this isn’t about her… or anything she’s done… it’s about me being shitty, through no fault of her own. I hope she knows that.”

“I suppose I’m just confused by the whole thing. Allegedly, it came out of nowhere and you weren’t about to reason your way out of it, which sounds especially out of character for you.” She paused, looking him in the eyes, “And the more I think about it, the more I wonder why you didn’t try explaining yourself. You just wanted it to be over as soon as it could be. In my experience, that probably means you did something bad that you aren’t ready to admit.”

He sighed. She was smarter than what he had given her credit for.

“Alexander,” she said firmly, “What did you do?”

He sighed, “You’re gonna hate me for this.”

“Tell me.”

It was hard to find the clearest way to explain things to her. He was wondering how far he should go, or how much he should tell, but remembered that this was his _ex’s sister. _The less information, the better. There was no need for lying, but she didn’t need to know the thorough details of what happened with him and Laurens. And anything regarding Maria would certainly be for another day. He could only imagine what Eliza must have told her already, and the terrible things she was thinking about him; that he was manipulative and deceitful, and perhaps he was.

“I can’t talk much about it.” He took another breath to steady himself. “Peggy, I’m bisexual.”

She took a moment, eyebrows raising, “I don’t understand what that has to do with anything?”

“Yeah.” That was the response he expected. Alexander laughed nervously. Up until that point, he had been acting out of character. Tripping over his words, keeping it brief. He just had to say it. And without naming names, he did. “There was a guy…”

When he said that, it was clear she immediately put everything together in her head.

“…we’re pretty close.”

“You didn’t—”

“And one night he kissed me.”

Peggy moved both of her hands up to cover her head. Whether it was from second-hand embarrassment or a tool to cover her sudden anger was unclear. She groaned in frustration, “God. When was that?”

“A-a few weeks ago,” he said, “He came back to my place and we were talking. And he kissed me, but we didn’t do anything more than that because he knew I had a girlfriend.”

Peggy did her best to contain her rage, but she managed to hold it in. Perhaps in that moment, it was better to listen, because Alexander had a great number of things to say.

Like how it was unfair to blame the situation entirely on John, and that Alexander had the opportunity to consent to their wrongful actions. He made it clear that he did not want to be pitied for mistakes he had made. However, he plead the case that while what they did was wrong, it changed him. Those countless times Alexander would try and picture someone in his future and he would end up admitting to himself that commitment was not for somebody like him had been resolved with those few moments alone of passion. John had sparked a light in him that he didn’t know was there, and now it was burning, it was all he could see.

But in that moment, he was still angry. He couldn’t rationalise it, as he knew that John wanted only the best for her, for him, for _them. _And in fact, it was Alexander’s fault for having such bad timing.

“And as unfair as it is,” he added, “I still love Eliza. And I mean this in the kindest way possible, but I didn’t think dating her had much more to offer me. We’re so different, and I thought it would be better that way. So I made a deal with John that I would break up with her and then…”

Suddenly, he got sad. All the anger he had directed towards John depleted, and he realised that he had been so caught up being petty that he forgot about the reason for everything. Alexander remembered the night he shared with John, where he was drowning in the sensation of euphoria; overwhelmed with comfort and happiness as he slept soundly for the first time in so long.

After that train of thought, he took a deep breath. “I would break up with Eliza and then we could start dating, the proper way.”

Peggy was speechless. She had been handed so much information at once and had no clue how to process it. While it was unprincipled of Alexander to be so dishonest with Eliza, and there was no way to fully forgive what he had done, it made sense why he did it. She understood his train of thought and why the situation was so messy.

“You can’t tell anyone of this,” Alex reminded her. He lowered his voice, “People don’t know that John’s… gay. And I can’t tell Eliza yet. I just don’t want her to know everything.”

“I won’t,” she promised, “But… Jesus Christ, Alex.”

“I don’t know why I’m like this,” he chuckled sadly, mind returning to its normal trajectory. “I do something so that I can make myself happy, but in turn, I make people around me miserable. I was under so much pressure and I let it crowd my judgement. Because of that, I hurt Eliza. I don’t know what she’s going through, I just imagine that it isn’t good. I haven’t spoken to my friends in days. Even my brother noticed something was wrong. And I pushed away John, y’know, the whole reason for this, and probably destroyed any chance I had at being close to him. Why do I do this?”

Peggy had heard so much that night, and while she was still rightfully mad at him, she was glad that he wasn’t as manipulative as she was anticipating. It was hard to see him being hard on himself for the way he felt, but she had some advice.

“You haven’t messed everything up, it’s okay,” she reassured, “This guy clearly cares a lot about you. Something like this wouldn’t destroy your chances. And your friends wouldn’t be mad at you for distancing yourself, they probably know that you need time. I can’t speak for your brother, but Eliza… she’s still upset, but she will forgive you, too, once everything—”

“I’m sorry,” Alexander cut her off. He put his face in his hands.

She was confused, “Why are you sorry?”

“You shouldn’t be dealing with me now. I don’t deserve someone to be kind to me right now.”

“You don’t think so, but I think you might have needed it.” She smiled softly. “I’m gonna be real with you, Alex, I’m still pretty mad. And I don’t think that you should be forgiven. But you also shouldn’t be punished for this forever. The sooner you move on, the sooner everything will go back to normal.”

Alexander stared at her, considerately. He was at a loss for words, and it took a while for a sentence to manifest in his brain, but even that didn’t properly express how grateful he was. “I don’t know how to thank you for this.”

Peggy smiled cheekily, “You’ll find a way. Don’t worry about it.”

-:-:-:-

When Alexander got home, he fell asleep on the couch. His sleep was so long that woke up in the afternoon the next day. He couldn’t believe he missed school and confronted his brother about why he wasn’t woken when he knew his brother had seen him sleeping. James shrugged, telling him that he thought he deserved a break.

He spent the rest of the day idly typing his assignments. He was genuinely too tired to focus on what he was doing and ended up backspacing most of what he had done. It was fair to say that his wave of motivation had crashed, leaving him lethargic.

This finally made him feel the need to check his phone. He had turned it off out of annoyance after John didn’t stop trying to call him.

Alexander opened his phone to about 30 messages, and countless missed calls. Most of them were John, and in all truth reading them caused a tug of guilt in his stomach. There were some from earlier in the afternoon that especially hurt him.

**John: I hope you’re doing okay. **

**John: I’m really worried about you man. Please message me**

**John: I’m sorry. **

Two hours ago. He took a shaky breath, and typed a simple reply.

**Alex: I’m okay, John. **

It was read immediately.

**John: Holy shit hi**

**John: That’s good.**

**John: Why weren’t you there today? **

**Alex: I slept in. **

**John: So you’re alright? **

**Alex: Yeah. **

He could not think of John’s current anxieties and remained rather reserved despite his previous absence. But after his weekend of working hard, he was still remarkably tired and had no energy for long conversation. It wasn’t his intention to come across as dismissive.

Alexander proved to be especially tired when his alarm went off the next morning. He was simply too exhausted to get out of bed. And lying there, he thought whether he should push himself to go to school as to not fall behind or whether to stay home one more day to rest. Thinking, he decided that his energy levels would not recover if he forced exertion. So Alexander stayed home another day, much to the dismay of his friend, John Laurens, who spent the day worrying about him once more.

-:-:-:-

Then it was Thursday morning. John threw on a scrappy hoodie and jeans and made his way out of the house about ten minutes before usual. He didn’t comb his hair, or shower, evidently because he was taking things hard. He was never one who enjoyed arguing with people, especially not the ones he was close to. Of course, his personal feelings for Alexander escalated the way he was feeling. The ordeal was so frustrating because he had no way to prove that he had good intentions. Things ended up badly, and he knew it wasn’t all his fault. But engulfed in his tempest of emotion was rejection, and possibly that hurt the most of all.

Stepping out into the soft breeze of the morning, he noticed a familiar face seated on the footpath of his gate, waiting for him. The sight made his emotions come out, and tears threatened to spill out of his eyes, but he managed to keep it all down. Alexander was there…

“Alex?”

The other boy hadn’t seen John yet but looked up at his name. The smile that came to his face was wholesome and small; a complete juxtaposition to the sight John had encountered on Monday. He looked well rested.

“Hey…” he looked down, awkwardly leaning against the fence post.

John could sense the tension starting to rise, which he disliked thoroughly. He walked closer to his friend, stepping onto the footpath outside his house; both of them felt a pressure to speak but neither of them knew what to say.

Alexander hung his head low, too ashamed to meet John’s eyes.

Several moments passed as they stood there in silence, getting accustomed to each other’s company again.

It was Alex’s voice that broke the silence, weakly, but with a clear intention. “I don’t want to fight with you, John.”

“I don’t want to do this anymore either,” he admitted after a moment.

He composed himself with a breath, still to ashamed to look him in the eyes. He tried to remember all the things he practiced he was going to say. The perfectly strung together sentences that both persuaded and allured. The phrases so charming that it would make any man be forgiven of any crimes. But he didn’t anticipate to the proper extent what nerves he would have facing John. Perhaps, if he had texted it, he would have come across as more coherent. But as he told himself, this was something that needed to be done in person.

“I’m not mad at you, John,” he began. “You weren’t ever the one I was frustrated with. All of the anger I took out on you was meant for myself. You should never have had to deal with some of the things I said to you on Monday, and for that I am sorry.”

“It’s all okay,” John smiled. “Seriously, just – you can forget about it. I forgive you. I never blamed you for any of what you said. I knew you needed time, and—”

Alexander embraced him. Both boys radiated in their shared contact, starting to squeeze as tight as they could. No words could have expressed adequately how they were feeling, and for now, this would suffice. 

John hadn’t realised how much he had missed physical affection. It took him back to the night they spent together, where Alex’s smaller body held onto him all night purely for comfort. And wrapping his arms once more around his slim shoulders made him long for more affection. As Alex buried his nose in the crook of John’s neck, it seemed like there was nothing else around them.

“I’m sorry,” Alex whispered.

“Please, don’t be sorry,” John squeezed him reassuringly, before pulling him back with both hands on his shoulders so they could look at each other. Alexander’s eyes, while over-rested, hadn’t changed in the slightest.

Alexander looked down, speaking clearly, “John, I’ve been thinking… “

_What else was new?_

“The sooner we move on from everything, the sooner it can all go back to normal. And, I know I haven’t acted like it recently, but I do… have hope for us.” He glanced into John’s eyes for a moment, before feeling self-conscious and looking down, “But you shouldn’t be so quick to forgive me after what has happened over the past week. If we are truly going to recover from this, you should be aware that it’s going to take a while.”

“Of course.” John nodded, “And I am prepared for that. But, Alex?”

“Hmm?”

He felt unease within as he asked, “I don’t know what your intentions are with all of this.”

Alexander didn’t quite understand.

Perhaps John was being too forward, so he backed down: “Don’t worry, let’s just go.”

But then his arm was grabbed, stopping him from walking off.

“Nothing’s changed, John,” Alexander said, realising the kind of assurance his friend needed, “I’m sorry if I made you think it had.”

They were quiet for a few moments. Laurens, so desperately, wanted to ask questions about whether Alexander truly wanted to be with him, but then and there was not the correct situation for that.

“I want to make you happy, John. So whatever you want, that’s what I’d like to do.” A sly smirk came to his face, “And I suppose that it doesn’t hurt that I’m single now…”

John felt the blood rushing to his face and knew that the other boy could get amusement from it. But at the same time, an overwhelming feeling of comfort flowed through him. The shameless teasing, the physical affection, Alexander – everything was back. Even if it was awkward after so long of being apart, John was pleased with their encounter.

Alexander, even more so, as he started walking down the path and calling for John to follow him. “Let’s hurry up and get to school. Let’s worry about all this shit later.”

John smiled.

They were back.


	18. EIGHTEEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been pretty sick and wanted to get this chapter out because I haven't updated in almost three weeks, which is ridiculous. Sorry about the wait! I'm planning for the next chapter to have some fluff though so stay tuned :)

Thomas was the furthest thing from a romantic. On Valentine’s Day, when he was with Angelica, he bought her one of those big, chunky block of chocolate and a litre of Sprite. Of course, she, being the romantic and extravagant mind that she was, had crafted him a picture frame with the two of them inside, along with a note she spent an hour deciding what to write in: because what do you give the man who already has everything? Her answer was apparently sentiment.

She was, of course, shocked at the cheap and surface-level gifts. Although she knew that Thomas was not a very idealistic person, she had at least expected a little thought.

And of course, she pretended that she loved the presents as to not hurt his feelings, while Thomas unfairly dismissed hers as too eccentric. He didn’t care for such occasions and made that blatantly clear by the way she tossed the picture frame carelessly back into the present bag to remain unopened in the bottom of his wardrobe. When she got home, she cried.

But while he was not an affectionate boy, he came easily by wealth from his family. On that particular night, he had booked a night out at a fancy restaurant with nobody other than Sally Hemmings.

She was thrilled for that night. She had made her feelings for Thomas no secret, and hopped around excitedly like a little bunny, giggling as Thomas escorted her with one arm to their table. He discretely rolled his eyes.

As minors, the waiters gave them odd looks, unsure if they were in the right place. But both of them were dressed the part and Thomas certainly had the cash to provide for their evening, so they went undisturbed until their first course came out.

Sally observed the room, doe-eyed, “I can’t believe you managed to get us into this place.”

Thomas shrugged, elegantly taking a sip of his drink, “It wasn’t exactly hard.”

In truth, Thomas had planned to invite James to this evening. The two would have eaten the entire buffet, spent the whole night cackling, and all while remaining entirely aware of their table manners. When he asked James, however, the boy had come down with a cold and he had already booked the reservations for two minors. At that point, Sally was the only feasible option.

Though her obsession with him drove him halfway to madness and back, she was quite a sweet girl. She would chat on for long periods with no clear intention, but suddenly, she would start to speak intelligently, concisely; something that Thomas particularly desired in another person. Her manners were consistent; only wanting to please him. Not to mention that he wouldn’t dislike a bit of physical contact, if she’d be so inclined.

Sally was also a gossip, and as much as Thomas hated it, he loved hearing her opinion on school drama. Even though drama sometimes involved him, he often refrained from having an opinion; too much effort, he decided.

“Did you see Angelica was hanging out with Burr at the cafeteria?”

“Oh, please,” Thomas elegantly cut his steak, “I think the entire cohort noticed.”

She watched as he chewed his food, examining her cutlery eagerly, “She was climbing all over him. Frankly, it was pathetic to watch. I mean, I know that everything that happened between us hurt her, but she doesn’t have to rush herself into a sloppy rebound.”

Thomas furrowed his brows, “Really? I thought Burr ‘disgusted’ her.”

A coy smile came to her lips as she daintily held up a cut piece of steak on her fork, “She does. That’s why it’s even more pathetic that she chose him to do it.” She carefully took the steak into her mouth, “Then again, I could be wrong. After all, I don’t know the full story.”

He smirked lowly, “Any other news to report?”

“Hmm, well I did hear something about Alexander Hamilton…” she trailed off to look up at Thomas for his reaction, “You know, the new kid who hangs out with John Laurens and Mulligan?”

He swallowed his food, scoffing, “God, don’t talk to me about those fools.”

There was a pause. Sally raised her eyebrows, “I don’t get it. What is it with you and that group? You guys are always fighting about something that happened so long ago. Do you even remember why?”

Thomas stared at her, fury broiling in his eyes, “Of course I remember. Do I care to mention it? Not particularly. Do I forgive them? No, not really, but I don’t especially care about it anymore, so I’ll treat anyone of them civilly, so long as they do the same to me.”

Sally casually took another bite of her food. She had heard this rant before and was not about to listen to it again. She needed answers.

“So, you’re just not going to tell me?”

“There’s nothing _to _tell,” he insisted, “John Laurens is a little coward, is all.”

“Damn, can you just tell me what he did?”

“Sally, you’ll think it’s pathetic.”

“I won’t, Thomas,” she swore, “I promise. Just tell me.”

A pause.

To sweeten the deal, she added: “Please?”

Jefferson sighed aggressively, finally giving in. “Whatever, but only because you won’t leave me alone about it.”

She waited with bated breath as he finished cutting the pieces of steak on his plate so that he could easily speak and take little bites as he told the story.

“It was around the time we started going out on Friday nights. James and I had only just started getting close, but the problem was that Hercules and John didn’t particularly get on with him.” He panicked when he realised that it sounded like he was saying something bad about Madison, “Don’t get me wrong, James is brilliant at getting along with everyone. I don’t know how he does it. Things were never hostile with him and them, I just don’t think they understood him very well.”

Thomas would never let anyone think he was saying something bad about James. Sally knew that, and nodded along.

“One day, this group of people came up to me and started asking me about this girl, Martha.”

Martha was Thomas’ long-ish term girlfriend in freshman year. They never made their relationship a public issue, and both appreciated privacy in the matter. They broke up when Martha learned she was moving to Canada. They weighed their options with trying to maintain a long distance relationship, but both decided that in the end, it would be futile. It was an emotional time for both of them, but Thomas would recover from it. And although he would never tell anyone this, he loved her sorely, and when she moved away it hurt him dearly.

“You have to understand,” he said, breaking the silence he wasn’t aware he had created, “that I had never told anyone about Martha. We were very private about seeing each other, and when these… strangers came up to me and spoke of her, I was just—just appalled.”

Flashbacks clouded his mind for a moment, and he could hear clear as day what they had said to him.

_“You ever wonder how much action Martha’s getting now?” _

_“I bet Martha misses you huh?” _

_“Don’t worry, I’m sure she’s having a great time where she is now.” _

He felt the same emotions that he felt the day it happened. Stupid schoolyard taunts. Because how _dare _they speak about her like that, the kindest person he had ever met. They were destroying her memory, pushing out her lingering presence. Looking for a reaction from Thomas, but he would never give them the satisfaction.

He paused, looking back up at Sally and taking in her strong features before continuing.

“So, naturally I started thinking; how did these people know about her if I never spoke about her? Sally, there were only about three people I told about my relationship, so I knew that it had to be one of them.”

Sally nodded along intently, “So John was bitching about you?”

Thomas looked back with a dangerous glint in his eyes, nodding slowly. “I asked him if he had told anyone, and he couldn’t give me a straight answer. I knew that meant he was guilty.” He let out a few nervous chuckles, remembering how he had conducted himself in his youth. “Let’s just say my temper used to be a lot worse than it is now.”

“So what happened?” She was straining for details.

“Herc saw us arguing and basically told me to get away from them. Saying how I could go_ crawl back to Madison, _and how if I didn’t leave them alone that they would _make me leave_.” He cringed at the quotes, knowing how dumb they sounded at the time and assured that they hadn’t aged well. He looked down at his plate, trying desperately to recall the details. “In hindsight, I think they were pretty jealous that there was someone new hanging around which led to them saying some dumb things. But the damage was done.”

“So your entire beef is that John said something bad about you behind your back and you got into a fight with Herc?” She oversimplified in a way that made his blood boil.

“It’s not _what _he said about me, Sally,” he explained, “It’s that _he’s _the one who said it. I know you would never guess it now, but he knew things about me that I hadn’t even told James. That—" he searched for the correct word— “_kid… _is nothing but a liar and a gossip. And after how long we had been friends, to find out he said that about me…” He trailed off, thinking about how to finish what he was saying.

Sally noticed he was looking down. For someone with tall shoulders, they were certainly slouched more than she could recall them ever being. He rarely seemed afraid of what he was saying, but in this moment, she couldn’t find any other way to describe it. Thomas was afraid of opening this part of his memory.

“I suppose I felt very betrayed by him, and for the better, or for the worse, I don’t think I can ever let go of what happened. Not fully.”

“Wow…” She had never heard him speak so openly before, and it was a side that she didn’t knew he had. Her mind was racing with possibilities and thoughts and intrigue. Saddened by what happened to him, but satisfied at his vulnerability with her.

“Lafayette’s a different story,” he continued without prompt, “He transferred to Miranda after everything had gone down. I never had any personal… ‘beef’ with him, but we never particularly liked each other either. I always assumed that John had got into his head and convinced him I was trash, and that associating with me meant you were either demented or unfortunate.”

He thought intently for just a few moments longer, and with a lofty voice, said, “Then there’s Hamilton.”

“Right, that’s what started this.” Sally was amused that they had gotten so off-topic.

Jefferson was not impressed by the interruption and gave her a warning glance before continuing. “He thinks everyone just adores him. The Schuyler’s certainly do, and our favourite band of idiots (Herc, Laf, and John) have definitely not done well to convince him otherwise. His looks don’t hurt him either, and since he’s the new kid, everyone’s fascinated with him.” Thomas was visibly irritated at this point, “However, it won’t last. I know that kid is nothing but trouble, judging entirely by the people he considers close.”

Sally’s lips parted in excitement before she started speaking. She had been waiting for a prompt like this to continue what she was saying.

“Well, you know what I heard?” She leaned closer, leering at his face with a mischievous grin.

“What?”

Sally licked her lips, “Alexander certainly isn’t who everyone thinks he is.”

Thomas blinked in confusion. “What do you mean?”

The power she possessed in this moment was unimaginable, and she felt the puissance seeping from her mouth as she spoke about something she was never supposed to repeat.

“You know Maria Lewis?”

-:-:-:-

Jefferson had been thinking often about what Sally had told him the other night. When Hamilton came to the school, he truly thought he would be another one that would be forgotten in a just a few months, however, now it was evident that he was critically mistaken.

Alexander was obnoxious. A know-it-all, a braggart, and yet Thomas foolishly thought that was the full depth of his character. But it was clear that the boy was far more troubled than upon first glance.

When Sally told him that Alexander tried to pursue Maria, he felt a chill creeping up his spine. After all the shit that Hamilton gave him when he left Angelica, he simply turned around and did the same. His logic was ridiculously flawed; there was no consistency to his character, and ever since the beginning he was frustratingly hard to read. Hamilton had secrets, yet despite his honest and straightforward nature, never seemed to make them abundantly clear. This, Thomas decided, is what would be his downfall.

He was going to intervene. After all the tension that had been boiling between them over the past few months, this was the boiling point. Thomas was going to confront Alexander, and whatever heat would ensue from their discussion, he would make one thing perfectly clear: if Alex didn’t stop talking badly about Thomas, then he would tell the school what he did with Maria.

For the first time, he had leverage, and exploiting it would be a sign of pure power that he was obsessed with.

Thomas found a perfect time to conduct this confrontation after gym, in the boy’s locker room.

Alexander was by himself after John Laurens had stepped into the shower. He walked up to him with a meaningful and cocky stride, a coy expression plastered all over his face. Hamilton didn’t notice his presence until he had started speaking.

“Alexander; a word?” he spoke with an authority that took the other off-guard.

When Hamilton looked up to see who it was standing over him, blocking his light, he scowled. Jefferson wasn’t exactly a person he enjoyed speaking to. That morning had been good thus far, and somehow he had the suspicion that that was about to change.

“What could you possibly want from me?” His tone was passive-aggressive to the very definition.

A smirk came to his mouth at the younger’s aggravation, but it faded in a short moment. He nonchalantly leant against a locker, “I just heard a rumour and I thought I should discuss it with you before I start treating it as fact.”

“Oh, please—” Alexander’s anger started rising— “if you think I care what you or other people have to say about me, you are sorely mistaken. Don’t you think you have more important things to worry about? For a brief example, perhaps you should be more concerned about what everybody is saying about you and Sally Hemmings.”

Thomas felt himself beginning to seer at the mention of Sally, and Hamilton’s arrogance did not assist his case. But he found the strength to keep a level-head and continued his plan. “You should watch your tone here. It sounds an awful lot like you know that you’re guilty and making a desperate attempt to cover it up.”

Alexander grabbed his water bottle from inside his locker before closing it with an abrupt slam. “I don’t even know what ‘it’ is. Now could you please leave me alone?”

“After everything you said after you found out about me and Sally, I never would have pegged you for a cheater.”

His tone was calm. Frankly, it was infuriating that his words held so much weight and yet he remained level-headed.

And Alexander, in his infinite intelligence, of course knew where he was going with this. But as casual as he normally is, with just a flicker of panic in his voice, he pretended there was no issue. “Excuse me?”

“You know, if you were going to try and lure in a girl while you were dating someone else, you should have at least made sure she wasn’t going to tell anyone.”

He could feel himself getting defensive as he fired back, “Just what are you trying to accuse me of?”

Thomas straightened his posture, the height difference between them becoming evident. Simply, he said, “Maria Lewis.”

He watched Alexander’s pupils dilate at the mention, apparently in panic.

Condescendingly, he commented on his restrained reaction, “Ring any bells?”

The tension grew; Alexander’s throat went dry, and lowly, he answered, “She’s a sophomore. Hangs out with Peggy Schuyler, and that crowd.”

“Don’t be modest – you know her far more intimately than what you’re letting on right now.”

“Just _what _are you trying to accuse me of, Jefferson?”

Thomas maintained his status far taller than the other boy, working up to nerve to say what he had been intending. “You _cheated _on Eliza,” he spat. Then, as intimidating and low as his obnoxious southern drawl could go, “With Maria Lewis. You met up with her, tried to have sex with her at a party, and didn’t count on her telling anybody what happened.”

Alexander responded as if he hadn’t heard the accusation at all, “That’s not the same as cheating, Jefferson.”

“That’s beside the point, Hamilton. I don’t think that the Schuyler’s would get caught up in specifics like that.” Thomas rubbed his face as anger began to build up, “Do you know what it’s like for everyone to know what you’ve done? People look and speak to you as if it’s your concern, and if you don’t conduct yourself with any integrity, they’d eat you up. And that’s what’s going to happen when people hear about you, _Alexander. _When the Schuyler’s find out what you did, nobody will ever forget.”

Alex looked the other up and down in suspicion and annoyance, knowing there was something more to what he was saying, “What do you want from me, Jefferson?”

Jefferson leant back, his demeanour lightening from his grim tone. He crossed his arms, “I want you to leave me the hell alone.” He paused, lifting a finger, “You’re gonna stop saying shit about me and Sally and Angelica or whatever. I’m tired of you being a goddamn gossip, so you’re going to stop talking about me or I’m going to tell everyone about your little _encounter _with Maria Lewis.”

Alexander was racking his brain for a response that was meaningful, but it seemed as though he wouldn’t be able to find one.

He knew what he did with Maria was wrong. He knew his intentions were hardly pure, and what he expected to get out of seeing her that night. But thankfully, he turned away. Sure, he ended up kissing someone else later that night, but if it had been Maria then he would have been in much more trouble in that moment. He had no idea how Thomas found out. He was the last person Alex would expect to speak to Maria. But it was clear he knew that what he had heard was the truth, and he was eager to get what he wanted from this. Alex knew he would have to use his wits, or else Jefferson would start spreading this and he would be in trouble.

As usual, he started picking out the flaws in his argument, “Do you have any proof that anything actually happened between us? Or are you just… perpetuating rumours?”

Jefferson laughed, short and sharply.

“Who’s going to believe any accusations without some solid evidence?”

“People believe _her, _Hamilton,” he said, “It doesn’t matter what you say. People are always going to believe her over you.”

Alexander felt his anger rising and glanced around the room subconsciously to look for some kind of moral support. Nobody was concerned with his presence in that moment and there was no sign of any of his friends. He truly had to deal with this alone.

He breathed, cool air filling his lungs before he expelled them. “Nothing happened between Maria and me. I don’t know what you expected from talking to me about this, but there is nothing you can hold over my head or expose me for because you know nothing.”

“You know how much power rumours hold,” his accent was thick now, giving a more threatening tone to is voice. “Regardless of what you did or didn’t do, be careful. It’s all downhill from here.”

It was then that Alex saw someone in the corner of the room, now fully dressed after disappearing to the showers. His chest fluttered, relieved to finally have some support in this encounter. Of course, it was John. He had quickly read the scene in front of him. Jefferson towering over Alexander, and Alex awkwardly glancing around the room. The conversation even turned heated. His pace increased as he hurried to step in between them.

He approached from behind Thomas, “Is there a problem here?”

Jefferson took a deep breath in frustration, turning to face the other boy. To his disappointment, it was none other than John Laurens. “I was wondering where you were, John,” his voice was strained as his eyes narrowed in distaste. “You and Hamilton never seem to be very far apart these days.”

John shifted his glare, “Is he bothering you, Alex?”

The eye contact between Hamilton and Jefferson was intense. Neither of the young men wanted to back down from the challenge, communicating with a silent form of threats that could be read by the way their eyes were held.

Alex tightened his eyes, “He’s always bothering me, John.”

Thomas became visibly irritated by that.

The air in the room was too heavy to breathe. From the shock John had as he stepped out of the shower to be greeted with his old friend tormenting his new friend to the sheer noise filling up the boys’ locker room, every part just added to the sheer weight of the situation as they all struggled to find ground.

Thomas was clearly reluctant to talk now that John was there, and John was not prepared to stand up for Thomas when he didn’t know the details of the situation. It was left down to Alexander to get out of this for himself.

Pressing two fingers to his temple, the anxiety from the confrontation came over him and his head throbbed as he tried desperately to find a solution in his mind. Looking at the ground, he muttered – half to the others and half to himself – “I need to _think._”

This got their attention, and cut through the nervousness of the previous moments. They looked up.

Alex glanced at John, then back at Thomas with dewy, pleading eyes, “Let me think.” His voice was far more strained than he had intended, and the tightness in his jaw gave away that he was currently on edge.

Thomas picked up on these things, and despite his rage in that moment, he gave an approving nod. It was closer to a warning than an approval; _I won’t tell as long as you remember what I said. _

And just a moment later, Alex had taken John’s arm and tugged him away at a considerable pace, muttering so that only they could hear it, “Let’s go.” He gave one last glance to Thomas, snarling, before they left.

When they stepped out of the locker room, they were hit with the warm scent of the cafeteria at lunch, reminded of what time of day it was. It was especially grounding for John, though he noticed the disturbed look on his friend’s face that brought a tug of sadness to his gut as he got the impression that this wouldn’t be something they were inclined to talk about straight away.

John tried to move on, suggesting they go sit with Lafayette and Hercules who were both waiting for them.

But Alexander was holding his head, beginning to march off in the opposite direction. “You go, I need to… do something. I might be back, I don’t know.”

John sighed in annoyance, looking down and then back up again, “So you aren’t gonna tell me what that shit was about with Jefferson?”

With a calculated and clear tone, Alexander replied, “I just have something to take care of.” Walking off again, he continued, “See you later.”

As he swaggered down the halls, he felt his emotions swelling. These Americans were so dramatic compared to how things were before. But he had seen enough movies and had enough common sense to know that this was not something that he could leave. People knew something had happened. There was no denying that. And while he had never been a person to lie, he knew he had to go to the source of the rumours before anything else so that he could assess the situation, and there was only one place for that.

As he strutted over near the Sophomore’s lockers, he spotted their group. So pristine, so glamourous with their tight tops and stylish hair. He had recognised most of them from around campus, and a select few were at Peggy’s party. He scanned them all, searching for the one he needed, aim locking directly on her with a click.

Maria Lewis was standing on the outside of the group’s circle, giggling and listening along to the others. While she had always been more reserved than the rest, she had an brilliant talent for reading others and knowing how to get into their heads. But in that moment, she wasn’t as conniving as Alex had imagined. She wasn’t this powerful seductress who fooled him into burying himself in a pit of lies. She was simply a young girl.

But Alexander’s fury had no bounds. As innocent as she appeared, he was at a breaking point. He needed answers. And the moment she separated from the group to open her locker, he resumed his strut over to her.

She didn’t notice his presence until he was just a few feet behind her.

It was a jolting sensation that came over her, feeling his presence for the first time in weeks. The memories from their previous encounter flashed through her head, causing her heart rate to increase and her breathing to slow down. She simply wasn’t prepared for this. And while he was possibly the least intimidating man that she could have been confronted with, she still had to face the awkwardness of what had happened between them. 

Maria’s eyes widened as she met his eyes once more, those soft, violet eyes that had once consumed her fantasies. But instead of the smooth, unfaltering demeanour Alexander was expecting to face, she seemed panicked. It made his stomach sink as he realised this was going to be a much more unpleasant encounter than he had anticipated.

She was the first one to speak, “What are you doing here?”

When they had met up at the bonfire, Alexander could have sworn he remembered her voice differently. Deep and entreating. This time, it was flat with a sense of dread that couldn’t go unnoticed. It chilled him slightly, but his inflated emotions at that time were too loud for him to process how his drastic demeanour could appear as threatening and angry.

He furrowed his brows, fists starting to clench at his sides. “What have you been saying about me?”

Hastily, she looked around to map out her surroundings. Alexander stood right in front of her, just a few feet away, while her friend group had migrated halfway across the hall. There were a few other people standing around, and the corridor was loud with the noise of lunch. She hugged several books to her chest unconsciously, nerves getting the better of her as she fumbled for a response. “I-I haven’t said anything about you.”

Alexander extended his arm, gesturing towards her, “Listen, I’m not mad, but whatever you said I need to know.”

“Leave me alone!” she vocalised violently.

Her voice rang strongly through his head as he realised that he could easily get mistaken to be in the wrong in this situation. So he took a moment to steady himself, and lowered his voice, saying, “I’m not here to fight with you. But you know Jefferson? Thomas Jefferson. He just told me in the locker room how you’ve been saying shit about the bonfire and about us. What am I supposed to do with that? I don’t know how much you said.”

She felt herself starting to shake.

And suddenly, just like an deus ex machina, a voice cut through the background noise.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Alexander couldn’t mistake that voice for anyone else. _Peggy._

She had walked halfway across the room, seemingly have noticed the tension between them and she was not happy. She waved a finger at Alexander, “This isn’t your area, beat it.”

In the same breath, she turned and put an arm around Maria, saying some words of comfort inaudibly.

He almost couldn’t believe what he was seeing, and voiced his concerns, “Don’t get involved, Peggy. I’m trying to settle this.”

With a sense of finality, she raised a hand, disappointment evident on her face. “I said _beat it, _Alexander.”

Peggy escorted her away like a wounded animal. The rest of the group formed a circle around her and cast some nasty glances at Alexander. But something seemed very off about Maria. Perhaps it was her perfect posture, or the way she carelessly dangled her arm behind her back, completely still after seemingly having an anxiety attack when she was in front of him.

That’s when Alexander knew it was an act.

She wasn’t afraid of him, she wasn’t nervous. She wasn’t mad because she had been caught out on a lie. She was acting. Maria was pretending that he made her uncomfortable in order to fit her narrative.

He knew it was pointless then to try and reason with the girls, having her word against his as well as his misconstrued actions. Unwillingly, he had just played right into her hand, and she was loving every moment because she knew that nobody would listen to him.

She had that whole group of girls wrapped around her finger. Whatever she had told them had turned all of them against him. He knew he’d be painted as the villain in this story – that was evidence when Thomas had confronted him. To see all of those girls scowling at him like he was the lowest scum affected him in a way he couldn’t describe. It was debilitating, and he felt his heart lurch as they started to walk away.

He had turned everyone against him.

The final look he got of the group before they turned a corner was of someone he hadn’t seen in a while. Her glance lasted a bit too long, maintained even after Alexander met her deep eyes.

_Sally Hemmings. _

It was like someone had finally connected all the dots.

She was the one that started this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a comment? <3


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